If there was a universal checklist of questions for future couples, then the world would not know unexpected breakups, painful end of relationships and unpleasant surprises from the person with whom you have been together for a long time. Alas, any relationship is a pig in a poke. What to find out from a partner at the beginning of a relationship so that they do not have a tragic end, says psychologist Lena Nizeenko.
The value of relationships is in enjoying the process and each other. And here’s what you need to know to make sure: you and a potential partner along the way, at least at first.
1. Do your views on relationships match?
One is looking for a potential romance for a lifetime, the other is looking for a short and passionate one-night stand. To match requests, you need to say important elements of the anamnesis on the shore, for example, do you have an unfinished relationship or marriage, how exclusive relationships suit you, what, in your opinion, can be called cheating, and how do you feel about monogamy and polyamory. “Being together” can mean one thing to you, but a completely different thing to a potential partner.
2. How much time do you want to spend together?
People are cut differently: if for one, the mode of diving into each other 24 by 7 and spending the night together is a prerequisite for a relationship, the other can climb the wall from a lack of personal space, and prefers to sleep in splendid isolation.
It is important that you and your potential partner have approximately the same ideas about the amount of time spent together. If your priority is work, meeting friends or hobbies, tell us about it. Explain why you need it, how much time you plan to spend on it, and why you are not ready to sacrifice what you love even for the sake of a relationship.
3. What’s with the global plans?
Moving somewhere in Canada for one of the partners can be a surprise from which you just can not recover. As well as, for example, a fierce desire to have a child by the end of this year.
If one of you has global projects in the future that will radically change the way of life, it is worth sharing it. Everyone can have personal plans for life, regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not. Starting to meet, you begin to build a life together, while remaining separate individuals with your own desires and aspirations. Consider this.
4. How does he feel about alcohol?
If your future partner binges on wine on the first date, he might be freaking out as hell. Or maybe he has a progressive alcoholism. Addicts are often sweet and attractive, but woe to those who have to build a relationship with an addict. The same is with drugs, gambling and other addictions that destroy the life of both the user and his loved ones.
Whether you are ready to live with such a person or not, the main thing is to find out about his problems as early as possible.
5. What do you want in general?
The most vague question about values and goals, dreams and plans helps a person to open up, allows you to see his principles, which means to understand how much your global ideas about life coincide. Does he want to make millions, or does he prefer the quiet country life? Do you accept cheating? What is good for your chosen one and what is bad? The same views on life and moral principles are something without which it will be difficult to meet.
A person is an abyss, and even after many years of acquaintance, people sometimes surprise each other. No questions asked at the beginning of a relationship can give you a XNUMX% guarantee that you will meet old age together. But some questions, asked at the right time, can save you time, effort, and resources.