Contents
If we want a child to truly flourish, find himself and be happy, parental love and authority are not enough. He still needs to be taught optimism. Five lessons that will help strengthen the desire to grow up and faith in life.
Many children are intimidated by the adult world. Communicating with psychologists on a variety of occasions, they talk about feelings of powerlessness and self-doubt. And their parents are gripped by anxiety for the future of their children in our society in crisis. But our experts are sure that today it is optimism that can become the basis of education.
“We are talking about the ability of a person, despite the difficulties and uncertainty, to understand the value of life itself,” says child psychologist Galiya Nigmetzhanova. And the psychoanalyst Alain Braconnier reminds that today love and authority are no longer enough for children. We must support their zest for life, their desire to grow, their hope.
Only a loved one can convey to a child an optimistic perception of life.
Does that mean loving? Not necessarily, explains the child psychologist. “This is the one who is ready to accept the child, without trying on schemes, templates for him, able to peer into him, sincerely wonder at him: “That’s what you are!” The one who values life himself and therefore can convey this feeling to the child.
Based on the data of positive psychology, Alain Braconnier argues that pessimistic parents may well raise an optimistic child. Provided that they understand how much their pessimism interferes with them, and they want to protect the child from their own restrictions. The psychoanalyst also emphasizes that optimism helps anxious and vulnerable children regain their zest for life and hope.
The five parenting principles suggested by our experts require perseverance and consistency from parents, but these efforts can change the lives of children, restore their confidence, the ability to smile and not be afraid of the future.
1. Encourage his curiosity
A small child is hungry for discovery. Everything he touches, tastes, smells, makes him want to dare to leave the familiar environment. And our task is to give him the freedom to experiment.
“Support his curiosity and inquisitiveness,” emphasizes Galiya Nigmetzhanova. “Look closely at what he does, try to understand what drives him, and join his activities.”
Otherwise, when faced with mysteries that he cannot solve, the child will begin to doubt himself.
Sharing discoveries that delight us, explaining, answering his questions, introducing him to new books, exhibitions, travels – all this can make a child feel that life has many pleasures ahead of him. This is enough to look forward to the future with joy.
2. Don’t dramatize his mistakes
While discovering the world, the child also explores his own boundaries. When there are too many failures, he feels worthless and gives up at the slightest difficulty.
“Therefore, it is important for adults to recognize the fears (often unfounded) that we pass on to children without wanting to,” warns Alain Braconnier. It is worth considering: how do I deal with my mistakes? Do I help my son or daughter understand that a mistake is an opportunity to learn something?”
“Evaluate not the child, but what he did,” says Galiya Nigmetzhanova. “Share his efforts, efforts (support them) and unsuccessful result.” If we trust the child, we know how to be with him, however, without performing tasks instead of him, we allow ourselves to look for a solution, we appreciate his successes, we thereby increase his stamina and hope to succeed in various endeavors.
3. Help him think more precisely and concretely
One of the pillars of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, became interested in what could help a child to actively manage the situation, rather than passively endure it.
He found that the pessimistic attitude is characterized by two features: taking failure personally (“Something bad happened to me because I’m bad”) and generalizing (“That’s how it always is”). Both attitudes lead to feelings of helplessness.
“It doesn’t happen that nothing happens at all. Therefore, when a child fails, it is better to explain to him as accurately as possible what happened, what exactly he lacked, ”says Galiya Nigmetzhanova. Then the decisions will become clearer and more obvious for him, moreover, those that are accessible to him and do not depend on evil fate in any way.
4. Instill in him a taste for effort.
A child will need a lot of energy to win his place in life, to do what will make him happy. To do this, he must feel as early as possible that the effort is paying off: giving him new skills or improving his life.
There is no need to criticize the child for what he cannot do, and compare him with those who succeed.
When a child is faced with a task that seems impossible to him, remind him of the successes that he has achieved thanks to his efforts (learned to walk, read, swim).
“Help him notice and appreciate the good moments,” advises Galiya Nigmetzhanova. “They will protect him during the difficult times that will inevitably come.”
Why not start such a ritual: before going to bed, remember together those moments where he was able to surpass himself, where his efforts were rewarded, what he can be proud of, thereby accustoming him to focus on the good.
5. Develop trust in the world
Some pessimistic children avoid communication, others choose as friends those who feel even more insecure. “The way a child looks at himself and the world depends too much on other people who can enrich his view of the world or impoverish him,” emphasizes Alain Braconnier.
“Therefore, by developing in children trust in the world, in people,” continues Galiya Nigmetzhanova, “we teach them to open up to others, turn to them for help, rely on it.”
When a child enters into relationships with different people (some of them calm him down, others stimulate him), he knows that he can count on others and feels more secure. We will help him explore the world by being interested in his friends, developing his empathy, showing how great the value of friendship is.