It seems that self-dislike is visible immediately. It is read in the gait, look, manner of holding and speaking. But it happens that an outwardly timid and insecure person loves and appreciates himself, simply does not flaunt it. And bright, successful and attractive people do not always treat themselves properly. What habits speak of a secret dislike for oneself?
Many succeed only in order to get rid of self-hatred, a feeling of worthlessness. Does it help? Rather not, because this method fights not with the cause, but with the effect. When it comes to self-love, we are dealing with emotions, and external manifestations are secondary. Therefore, advice like “pamper yourself with shopping or a massage” does not work. You need to start with something else: an attitude towards yourself, which manifests itself in small things and is not always noticeable to us.
Sign #1: You buy a lot of cheap stuff. People who love themselves don’t save. They are well aware of the rule «the miser pays twice» and are not fond of lures like a low price. They know quality comes at a cost. They do not feel sorry for spending on themselves, but at the same time they are not wasteful and not prone to shopaholism. Investing in a comfortable life and good mood is a mandatory item of their expenses. This does not depend on the level of wealth: lovers of savings end up overpaying or buying a lot of cheap things.
If you systematically eat when you are not hungry, then food is more important to you than your own needs.
Here we are talking about an internal ban on having high-quality and expensive things, and not about the lack of money. If you’re making a purchase based on the cost alone, think about how much you value yourself.
Sign #2: You eat when you’re not hungry. It doesn’t matter in what situations: you are having dinner with friends for company, eating up after your child, or trying to cheer you up with cakes. The reason is ignoring their real needs. A self-loving person is attentive to his body and mind. Therefore, he only eats when he is hungry.
Of course, we are all living people and you should not reproach yourself for every piece of cake eaten. But if you systematically eat when you’re not hungry, and always strive to leave your plate clean, then food is more important to you than needs. See how this manifests itself in other areas of life.
Sign #3: You are seated in the last row. Figuratively and literally. Have you noticed that some people are not shy to be the first, while others avoid attention in every possible way? This is rarely a conscious choice: more often than not, they consider themselves unworthy of a higher position. Having come to a lecture, such a person will sit further away, although he may take a seat in the front rows in order to see and hear better. And if he disagrees with something, he will be ashamed to enter into a discussion: someone else’s opinion seems to him more correct.
Of course, you should not go to extremes and climb first everywhere. But think about when you want to take such a place.
Sign #4: You can’t deny yourself pleasure. The most common advice for people with low self-esteem is to pamper yourself more often. According to this logic, self-esteem increases if you indulge your little weaknesses. It turns out that a person who loves himself is like a child who is left alone in a candy store.
It is enough for a person who loves himself to allow himself to have what he wants for it to appear in reality.
The alternative to such love is real self-care. When you treat your body and mind as precious, well-being becomes more precious than momentary pleasures. You begin to consciously choose what to fill your life with. Self-love gives freedom and independence from harmful weaknesses.
Sign #5: You’re following too strict rules. This feature may seem like a complete contradiction to the previous one, but it continues it. Here it is necessary to find the golden mean. When you withhold pleasure, are you doing it because you care about yourself, or because it’s supposed to be the right thing to do? If the second is true, then you love the rules more than yourself.
We have already considered this principle with food. Therefore, many healthy lifestyle fans suffer from psychological problems: they are led by a painful desire to be good. True self-love takes into account all needs and allows you to combine them for your own benefit.
There are a lot of such signs, but they have a common principle: when something or someone comes to the fore and becomes more important than your needs, you definitely do not love yourself enough. Sometimes it takes honesty, courage, and discipline to truly love yourself, but the results will exceed expectations.
Others will notice the change and appreciate you much more. Subconsciously, you will begin to attract into your life everything that you dream about. It is enough for a person who loves himself to allow himself to have what he wants for it to appear in reality.