Shame is a powerful emotion that shapes a way of life. Because of shame, we may avoid relationships, new experiences, and our own feelings. How to cope with this and breathe in deeply?
According to the dictionary, shame is “a painful feeling of humiliation or discomfort caused by the realization of the stupidity or error of one’s own actions.” However, it is worth noting that we consider our action a mistake because it does not fit into the framework of social norms, and not because it really harmed someone.
In this, by the way, shame differs from guilt – a feeling that has a positive effect. Thanks to him, we understand how not to deal with other people.
So how does shame govern our lives?
- People who live with a constant sense of shame often avoid relationships and try to appear in public as little as possible. They are extremely vulnerable, and therefore practically do not get close to others and do not show their true “I”.
- Shame makes us suppress our emotions. As a rule, people who are ashamed of who they are are also out of tune with their own thoughts and feelings and try their best to avoid them.
- Shy people are more likely to be anxious, depressed, and self-flagellation. Shame is one of the factors in the development of depressive and anxiety disorders. People who are constantly under the influence of shame go through difficult emotional struggles every day.
- People who live with shame have a harder time making decisions. The fact is that they are too dependent on the opinions of others and are afraid that their choice will subsequently be devalued. Sometimes, of course, this helps to avoid unnecessary risks. But in most cases, this prevents you from living a fulfilling life.
- Shame can be a barrier to addiction recovery. Research shows that people who struggle with alcoholism are more likely to go back to drinking if they experience shame. People who are ashamed of their behavior often do not believe that they have the strength to make the necessary changes.
How to get rid of shame?
Look for warm relationships. Try to find people with whom you can build an environmentally friendly and friendly communication. Shame disappears when you share it in a safe space.
Share your story. Don’t keep your feelings inside: let your shame be known. For example, write about it. You can even create a piece of art that represents your shame. Then this emotion will stop eating you from the inside. In addition, you will see that many people will support you.
Develop compassion for yourself. Start treating yourself with love and care. Think about what you would say to a friend who feels the same way as you.
Take the risk. Try to do something that might fail. There is a chance that you will succeed and realize that you are capable of much greater accomplishments than you thought. And in case you fail, it will become clear to you that this is not the end of the world at all. In any case, you will take the first step towards getting rid of shame.
Believe that healing is possible. As you take any action to release shame, remember that you will eventually achieve your goal. Tell yourself this over and over until your life changes completely.
And most importantly: if you understand that shame controls your life, contact psychologists or psychotherapists. It is more effective to follow the path of liberation from shame together with a specialist.