Contents
They are not like their parents — they got married much earlier and cared less about self-realization. But finally, those who are now about 30 are ready for family life. What questions young couples need to discuss before this, said family therapist Liz Higgins.
Millennials are entering adulthood. They face many new questions. Some are familiar to older people, others are characteristic of the modern era. Those born after 1981 have important decisions to make that will determine their future, both professionally and personally. Let’s see what choice young couples who plan to start a family have to make.
1. Live with parents or separately
Millennials live with their parents longer than other generations and are used to relying on them. It’s easier to pay off loans and you don’t have to worry about rent. Parents usually don’t mind and want their children to stay with them as long as possible.
Sometimes a son or daughter brings a partner to the house. Young people believe that they themselves must pay for the wedding, and living with parents helps save on other expenses. Although some even after that do not move to their own apartment.
Of course, living with parents is convenient. But it is also fraught with conflicts. Couples find it difficult to set personal boundaries, they feel controlled by elders and pressured to make life decisions. It is difficult for family members to openly communicate with each other because they are afraid to ignite conflict with relatives.
2. Choose a dream job or stability
According to research conducted by GoDaddy, half of Generation Y want to become entrepreneurs. 40% admitted that Mark Zuckerberg inspired them to dream about their own business. Millennials are drawn to the freedom that self-employment can provide.
This inevitably affects relationships. Couples have to choose between ideas about entrepreneurship and the traditional option of getting an education that will provide a stable job in a corporation. Money is a common source of stress in a relationship. Not surprisingly, the decision to follow a dream creates tension and provokes conflict.
3. What to spend money on
Many people have debts that appeared before the beginning of the relationship — student loans, credit card debts … You need to tell your partners about them and decide together how to pay them off.
Millennials love to travel, discover new corners of the world and get new experiences. This is often encouraged by posts on social networks. And young people do not want to postpone pleasure for later and strive to enjoy life here and now.
Money issues are a delicate topic, it is better to discuss it at the beginning of a relationship. Couples need to prioritize. The first option is to spend money on travel, exotic restaurants, and hobbies. The second is to save on travel, spend less and save more, direct funds towards long-term goals.
4. When to have children
Many young people prefer to build a career and are in no hurry to have children. Some want to get life experience first, others do not plan to become parents at all. However, couples are often shy about discussing this issue with each other. And they are afraid to upset their parents.
But even those who want children usually put it off until later. Women are becoming mothers later. My clients often explain that in their first years of marriage, they want to enjoy life together.
Already at the beginning of a relationship, it is important to establish an open dialogue. Find out what your partner values, what goals they have, what inspires them. Treat it with sincere interest and desire to find the best solution.
5. Stay together or not
Half of marriages end in divorce. It is important for couples who are about to get married to think and talk about it. Modern culture prioritizes personal desires and needs. Living alone is easier. The family requires devotion and dedication. At some point, every couple must make a conscious choice: work through problems together or break up.
Compounding the situation are technologies that have changed the approach to dating and relationships. It is enough to reach out to the phone to see many potential partners. It has become easier to doubt the correctness of the choice, especially when partners quarrel or go through a difficult period.
Millennial couples have many life-changing decisions to make, but they don’t have to be overwhelming. Think of all these questions from the perspective of an individual and from the perspective of a couple. Share your thoughts with a partner. It’s never too late to start a discussion.
About the Author: Liz Higgins is a family therapist.