Contents
Hello, dear readers of the site! Addiction is an obsessive need for some kind of activity, substances, and so on. In simple terms, it’s an addiction.
For example, from alcohol, computer games, food, relationships, and so on. In psychology, there are many types, and today we will try to figure out why it arises. And also how you can adjust your behavior and cope with it.
What is it like?
In fact, addiction is, unfortunately, an unhealthy attachment to something that allows you to feel satisfaction, calm down and relax.
Unhealthy — because a person does not need to make efforts to achieve these states.
In fact, no matter what happens in his life, there is only one way out — there is a familiar object, which is almost always available, and which will definitely help.
For example, problems in the family, at work, or just something got sick or quarreled with a random passerby — the addict, instead of listening to himself and choosing a solution to the problem, just goes to the store and buys a bottle of vodka.
This simplifies the process of achieving the desired state. Much less energy and resources are spent, you don’t have to take risks, overcome your own limitations, “puzzle” your head over the search for other methods for realizing desires and plans.
Everything is simple here, I took the money, bought alcohol, drank and relaxed. No money — something sold, stolen, asked, borrowed …
Are bad companies to blame?
Usually parents lament that they had a wonderful, kind and smart child, but at one moment he changed dramatically. But because he got in touch with some hooligans and they spoiled him, badly influencing him with their example.
Thus, the responsibility for the consequences is removed from one’s own shoulders, objects appear that can be blamed and angry at. After all, if not for them, then …
In fact, unfortunately, the exact opposite is happening. The adults who raised this kid, cared for him, taught and educated him, laid the foundation, thanks to which he ended up in «bad company».
That is, if a person does not have a tendency, for example, to chemical dependence, then she will bypass people who use drugs.
What kind of people annoy you the most? Who can you not communicate with at all, because there is a lot of anger, indignation, disgust, and so on?
And if a whole group of such people is nearby, wanting to make friends and «take» into their ranks, would you agree? Incredible, right? The same is true with addiction.
Causes
The most interesting thing is that when we are born, we spend some period of our lives being completely dependent on the one who undertook to nurture us. The life of an infant is in the hands of its mother or another adult who takes care of it.
It is for this reason that, not yet able to sit, walk or talk, he, from about 1,5 months, begins to consciously smile at the one he sees more often.
A smile evokes pleasant feelings, and at the same time a desire to continue to care, to love. This forms attachment and helps to provide basic survival needs early on.
But, gradually growing up, this baby becomes autonomous, because he learns to independently recognize his desires and choose ways to implement them, making efforts and developing at the same time.
So gradually, step by step, he grows up and becomes independent. This is how self-sufficiency manifests itself — in the desire to explore the world, learn something new, take risks and leave the comfort zone for the sake of advancement.
Unfortunately, during the formation of addiction at some stage of formation and maturation, a failure simply occurs, due to which there are violations in the perception of the surrounding reality.
So, let’s look at what are the main reasons that lead to addiction:
Hyperopia
Overprotective parents usually try to protect their baby from all life’s turmoil. They foresee his desires, realize them instead of him.
This is normal in infancy, but not when he is already quite, for example, able to walk on his own. He does not need to work, strain and try to get his favorite toy.
It is enough to point a finger at her and burst into tears — how loving adults will quickly come running and put it right into their hands, so long as he does not get upset.
And if such a style of behavior is normal, he simply does not develop his own mechanisms for satisfying needs. He knows one way — to demand, to ask.
And if everything is normal and calm in the family circle, then, getting into society, and this is an inevitable process, he faces a huge problem. It turns out that others are unwilling to obey his requirements and perform his scope of work.
On the contrary, they demand to meet their expectations.
And, watching how other children, for example, in the garden, easily cope with the tasks set on their own, only occasionally relying on the help of adults, he experiences a lot of irritation, disappointment, confusion and other complex, unpleasant feelings. And he has no idea how to deal with them.
In adolescence, if at such a moment there are some objects nearby, thanks to which he can achieve calm, he will definitely use them.
This often leads to chemical addiction. Because, unfortunately, it is not difficult to acquire drugs, cigarettes or alcohol in the modern world.
An adult person can go shopping in frustration and waste money, experiencing a feeling of illusory shopping satisfaction.
After all, he acquires them not because he needs them, but because they allow him to feel that he controls at least something and is able to do it.
Intrapersonal conflicts
When a person has two completely opposite needs, this forms the so-called intrapersonal conflict.
Let’s take the same example of overprotection. The child is madly in love with his super-caring mother, who, at the first request, rushes to help despite the age of her “baby”.
Often, which can be a forty-year-old man. Physically developed, but psychologically, emotionally immature.
So he loves and hates her at the same time. But it’s impossible to hate and be angry at a person who satisfies almost all needs, isn’t it?
Then you have to accumulate this anger, ignore it and direct it to others, or to yourself.
And when feelings reach such intensity that it is simply impossible to endure, and if you do not endure, then an affective state will come.
When a person does not give control to his actions and can harm both his own health and the people around him, objects.
And in order to cope with this tension, to release it at least a little, the “hot favorite” and familiar method helps. Someone goes into virtual reality, playing computer games for days on end, someone gets drunk, smokes, eats up and so on.
Releasing excess energy, receiving illusory satisfaction, the addict «takes» himself in hand until the next breakdown. As soon as the slightest tension arises, he again “loses” his head, because he doesn’t know how to control himself and what to do.
Violence
The formation of addiction is influenced by both physical abuse, sexual and emotional, for example, in the form of ignoring, devaluing and excessive criticism.
There is also economic violence, when a person is deprived of finances, wanting to feel total power over him, forcing, for example, to earn some penny by good behavior.
In general, in any case, without receiving adequate support, the little man simply will not have the resources to adapt, use healthy ways to get satisfaction.
What is the point, for example, of studying well if no one praises and says how good you are? On the contrary, he will try to humiliate or not notice the presence at all.
It happens that parents are only functionally included in the life of their children, not emotionally reacting to them. Eat, eat, what to wear, sleep warm, what else do you need?
But to talk about what worries a son or daughter, what he or she dreams about, how the day went and what they learned new — and does not come to mind.
This, of course, is “read” as dislike, it seems to the child that his parents do not need him at all. And he goes in search of someone who can replace the «cold heart» of the mother and still give warmth, love, tenderness.
“Growing” with bad habits, such a little man becomes less anxious and unbearable alone with a feeling of uselessness.
Because there is an item or object that will be available if necessary, unlike an eternally busy and distant mother.
Any kind of abuse causes an emotional hole in the chest, commonly referred to as psychological trauma.
And if you do not get support or qualified help in a timely manner, a person may try to “shut up” it in any other way that causes a stable obsessive state.
Environment of upbringing
Growing up in conditions, let’s say, not particularly favorable for mental, mental and emotional development, a person simply does not master healthy skills to meet his needs.
The kid unconditionally trusts those who bring him up. Since he does not yet have his own experience, he does not know how to think critically. Why, like a sponge, it absorbs everything that it sees, hears.
And if the family was extremely dysfunctional, it can even provoke any mental disorders. Especially if too often faced with horror, pain, anxiety.
Let me give you an example: if a child saw how, at the slightest difficulty, his father got drunk and beat his mother, he has three options in perspective:
- Become exactly the same, adopting the behaviors and reactions of the parent;
- «Go» into the countertransference. That is, to hate the father and alcohol in principle, practicing a healthy lifestyle, and so on. And this seems to be fine, but every action, every step will be taken not because this person wants it that way and that it makes him happy and ensures personal growth. And as if contrary to his father, just to prove that he is not at all like him. Such behavior also deprives the freedom of choice. These are the two extremes, one drank heavily, and the other, in contrast, leads an overly healthy lifestyle, depriving himself of simple joys, and so on.
- Engage in self-development. That is, to try to realize what I am, what behaviors are destructive, what psychological traumas I have encountered that I still cannot find peace. How can I behave, what do I want, how can I achieve what I want? Usually, a person receives answers to these questions in the process of psychotherapy. But it is quite possible to try and independently develop the skill of awareness.
History of the country’s development
We live in a society that naturally influences the formation of our personality, our interests and values. So, the country in which we were born and raised is also reflected in our character and perception of the surrounding reality.
If there were wars, famines and other catastrophes in the history of our country, this means that our ancestors had to somehow survive in abnormal conditions.
They did not feel a sense of security, did not look to the future with faith in the good. They were worried about one thing — how to survive and save their offspring.
Therefore, when their living conditions changed, not everyone was able to adapt. Most raised their children, relying on a completely different life experience and knowledge that might not correspond to the new reality.
For example, during the famine, people had to “stretch” a piece of bread for many days in order not to die of exhaustion.
And after the end of the war, when the shortage of food disappeared, and each person could afford to eat almost everything he wanted and when he wanted.
These people, traumatized by the Holodomor, usually did not eat the entire portion, putting a biscuit or a roll somewhere under the pillow just in case.
And it happened, on the contrary, they ate without measure, without feeling full, until health problems appeared.
Scientists have proven the existence of the memory of the genus. This is when the genetic code of a person “records” the information received by his ancestors, the experience that they received and thanks to which they survived.
Sometimes we are not aware of the motives of our actions and instincts. And if you turn to the history of your origin, then it is quite possible to get answers to many questions.
How to get rid of addiction
Confession
Before you start treatment, you must first recognize that there is a disease that needs to be treated, right? This applies to completely different diseases.
Therefore, the first step to liberation from addiction will be the recognition that it exists and brings discomfort. The exact person who had it.
Because if a drug addict, in principle, is satisfied with everything in his life, and he cannot imagine his day without an injection, like some without a cup of invigorating coffee in the morning, no one can help him in any way.
Let it be the tears of a beloved mother, beatings from the brothers, so that he takes up his mind, bringing him to the police and cruel tortures, promises to fulfill any dream, and so on. The list can be continued indefinitely. A person will not change until he wants to.
There are situations when relatives forcibly place an addict in a clinic. He seems to be showing good results, which gives hope that now everything will be different. But, returning home, he takes up the old.
Do you know why relapse occurs? Because in fact something happened that usually provokes the emergence of addictive behavior.
That is, the relatives took care and did his work instead of him. They found the center, took him, paid for the treatment.
In general, you understand that in order to cope with your bad habits, you will have to work hard, recognizing that there really are problems that are quite realistic to fix.
One has only to realize that only you are responsible for your life, and no one else will arrange it instead of you, so that it really is the way you want.
List
Now write down, point by point, what kind of negative impact your addiction has on your life, health, relationships.
Let’s say smoking gives you bad breath, it’s hard to breathe, and you’re at a higher risk of dying from lung cancer. A lot of money is being spent, pressure is rising, and much more. This will allow you to realize the entire scope of the problem, which will start the processes of internal work on yourself.
Then, as a motivation, write another list, why do you need to get rid of your addiction?
The psyche has a whole range of different defense mechanisms, including avoidance. It is human nature to ignore something that causes negative emotions.
For example, most smokers know that nicotine causes cancer. But each time they drive away this thought to hell, trying to think that this will not happen to them.
Therefore, the second part of the exercise is so important, it inspires and gives strength. After all, the understanding that hair will be strengthened and skin color will improve for a woman who is important to be beautiful is the most powerful argument not to light a cigarette again.
Planning
Now you need to think over the steps and strategies for your recovery. Someone should cut from the shoulder, someone needs time to gradually, minimizing «contact» with his «enemy», to reduce it to nothing.
Think about what you will do when there is a desire to break loose and send everyone to hell? And such conditions will certainly exist. Will you allow yourself to step back a little so that you can step forward more confidently?
Who can you turn to for support? And what to do if it «covers» in the middle of the night and there is not a soul nearby who will listen and give advice?
And you also have to decide with whom from the environment you need to limit communication. That is, to lead a habitual way of life will no longer work.
And if you have a weakness for alcohol, then in the early stages of recovery, going to parties is not the best idea.
Continuing relationships with toxic people, after meeting with whom you want to “forget” in any way, is also not an option.
Living with overprotective or controlling parents is no longer worth it either. In general, this is the most difficult stage. But very important. Be careful.
Determine the time
Choose a time period during which you commit to holding on and trying to calm down, relax, and enjoy yourself in completely different, healthier ways.
The idea that you have to stop drinking just for a year is not as bad as forever. Because forever sounds intimidating, because who knows how it will be at all? And if a year old, then it is quite possible to hold out, right?
At the end of the term, you will be able to sit down and honestly admit to yourself how it was, without your addiction to withstand such a period. What did you understand during this time, what has changed.
Then, it is likely that you will not even have a desire to devalue your efforts, and you will continue to take care of yourself and the quality of your life further.
Completion
Remember that being alone with your problems is not an option. Seek specialized help from a psychotherapist.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy, Gestalt, and hypnosis are best suited to deal with these topics. But you have the right to choose exactly the direction that will attract and interest you. After all, the main thing is the result, right?
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The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina