5 angry thoughts that make us feel worse

Anyone can misinterpret the behavior of a friend or partner. But what if this happens with enviable regularity? This can then interfere with maintaining healthy relationships with other people.

We are talking about the thoughts that arise in our head and because of which we feel worse. Usually it’s about the same thoughts. Here are five examples of thought distortions in people who are angry with someone.

1. “It’s all because of me”

If we expect criticism from others in advance, then we will see the enemy in everyone. For example, if someone does not talk to us, we will think that the person did not like, although, perhaps, it’s just his shyness.

If someone looks at us, we think: “He must think I’m a fool,” while the stranger just looked at us without any ulterior motive.

And if a person communicates with us irritably and finds fault with everything, perhaps the reason is that he is having a bad day and cannot cope with his irritation. His reaction has nothing to do with us personally.

2. “They couldn’t let me down!”

Demanding too much from yourself and others is a big mistake. If expectations are not met, we feel offended, and gradually this resentment develops into anger.

For example, you have a friend who promised to go on vacation with you, but at the last moment refused. It seems to you that your friend let you down, and you decide not to communicate with her anymore, as if you have forgotten all the good things that your friend did for you before.

3. “It’s not fair!”

The very idea of ​​justice is another example of distorted thinking. We have all heard that life is unfair, and if we can accept it, we will become much happier. Fairness implies that there are some absolute standards of “right” and “wrong.”

Meanwhile, each person has his own ideas about what is “fair” or “honest”. What is true for one is not necessarily true for another.

4. “I’m not lucky, and there’s no point in trying”

If a person from a single case draws global conclusions about how terrible everything is, and then begins to look at the world as if through black glasses, then his ideas can become a “self-fulfilling prophecy”. Because of their pessimism and belief that nothing will work out, they really fail.

For example, a waiter was given a bad tip three times in a row, and he immediately thought: “Today everyone gives mere pennies.” From the point of view of statistics, even three “bad” customers in a row still do not mean anything, but the waiter’s brain has already seen the “pattern” and made conclusions.

And what does the waiter do? For the rest of the shift, he will be in a pessimistic state, already resigned to failure. He will not try to serve the customers as well as possible, because, from his point of view, there is no point in trying, the tip will still be small.

As a result, his negative expectations will turn into reality, and his own distorted thinking is to blame – he has drawn too far-reaching conclusions from several small failures.

5. “You need to be adamant”

Often problems begin when the situation requires you to be firm with others. For example, you have a friend who borrowed money from you. You easily agreed to help him, thinking: “He is a good friend, I completely trust him.”

However, the time to repay the debt has long passed, but the friend is in no hurry. All this time you have never been reminded of money, but you begin to think: “He considers me a fool and a rag.” As a result, you get angry and the next time you meet your friend, you start yelling at him and threatening him, demanding to return the amount immediately.

“If I don’t put him in his place, he will sit on my neck!” you think. In fact, it would be better for both of you if you politely but firmly reminded your friend much earlier that it was time to return the money, instead of first ignoring the problem and then getting angry and breaking out into a cry.

About the author: Aaron Carmine is a clinical psychologist at Urban Balance Psychological Services in Chicago.