4 ways to subtly grab your partner’s attention

When you lack the attention of a partner, it seems that everything and everyone is much more interesting and important for him than your relationship. It seems that even if you enter the room without clothes, he will not notice it. He cares about anything — TV, phone, children, work, but not you.

Sadly, a loved one simply ignores you. Let’s say he has a really responsible job that requires full dedication and concentration. You just have to be content with the last place on the list of priorities. It’s not easy to come to terms with this. And in the end, you start begging for attention, like alms.

Everyone has a need to be needed, and that’s normal, write the authors of the book How to Keep the Spark of Love, coaches Suzy and Otto Collins. However, excessive obsession repels people. But how do you tell him (or her) that you need more attention without being annoying?

Let’s first understand what it means to be obsessive. This is endless calling or sending messages, especially if you do not immediately answer. Try to catch the slightest change in the partner’s mood and, if he (she) is dissatisfied or annoyed with something, take it personally. Constantly pester with questions: “Is everything okay?”, “Do you love me?”

Definitely, all this gets on the partner’s nerves. Obsession can manifest itself in different ways, but the result is always the same. Sooner or later, the relationship will finally deteriorate. The person will become silent and begin to ignore you even more than before. Everything will end with the fact that you will suffer from loneliness and feelings of abandonment.

Think about it, are you really too intrusive? If so, stop spinning the addiction spiral that takes both of you further and further away from a healthy relationship, the authors write.

How to get the full attention of a loved one without «begging»?

1. Define your wants and needs

Think about what you expect from a relationship. Think Big: What would you like to experience together? Perhaps some of them are already present in your life. It is also important to distinguish wants from needs.

Your needs are not discussed, there can be no compromises. This is all that can serve as a reason to rethink the relationship — stay or leave. Among the indispensable needs may be monogamy, honesty, respect.

But desires can and should be discussed. If you want to have your heels scratched before going to bed, this is a desire, but not a need. Remember: what is a need for some people is just a whim for others. The bottom line is that you yourself are clearly aware of the fundamental difference and ask for what you want, but do not betray your values, which underlie emotional needs.

2. Engage in self-realization

If you suffer from a lack of attention, it may very well be that you are simply bored and have nowhere to put yourself. This state of affairs is debilitating. And it is quite natural that you are trying to improve the situation at the expense of a partner. But are you asking for too much?

When you feel your own failure, expecting someone to fix everything is not only dishonest, but also pointless. The most loving and considerate person in the world cannot make someone feel special who does not feel it himself.

Take responsibility for your own well-being and peace of mind. If you are dissatisfied with yourself and consider life a failure, improve first of all. Remember what habits, actions, activities in the past brought you satisfaction and joy. If nothing comes to mind, make a list of ideas and start experimenting.

Most likely, you will not be able to achieve instant success, but still try to notice when you feel at least a little better.

3. Say what you want

Of course, the behavior of a partner greatly affects your condition. Let’s say you do everything you can to make sure your needs are met, but you’re still neglected. Perhaps the partner constantly “hangs” in chats with friends or disappears for hours on social networks. The fact remains that he has time for other people and entertainment, but not for you. Even if it happens unintentionally, it’s still a shame.

Say what specifically you don’t like. Choose your words carefully. If you immediately start to reproach that he / she does not think about you at all, and speculate about some hidden motives or feelings, this will hardly help. In all likelihood, hostility, defensiveness, and further alienation are not the attention you were seeking.

Talk about what you want. Don’t focus on what’s getting in the way of your relationship. Better voice what you would be grateful for. Offer, don’t insist. For example: “I love it so much when you breathe down my neck. Will we lie on the couch together in an hour?”, “Let’s turn off the phones for the evening and go for a walk?”.

4. Be yourself

Always remember that you are unique and value yourself. By being yourself, you become more interesting and attractive to others. Pay attention to your partner and what is happening to him, but first of all think about yourself. Trust yourself and be honest with yourself. And then no one will accuse you of obsession.