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Even those who condemn people who have cheated on a partner may one day be among them. Giving in to temptation is a natural human weakness, says psychologist Mark White, but it can and should be learned to overcome.
Today you can find many articles and books about developing self-control, training willpower and fighting procrastination. This literature can also be useful if you understand that you are thinking about cheating on your loved one. Here are four tips to help you fight temptation and reduce the risk of you making a rash move.
1. Try to hold on
This is the least pleasant advice and may seem unrealistic. But we often underestimate willpower. Of course, her resources are not unlimited, and in a state of mental or physical stress, it is even more difficult to take control of herself. However, in most cases willpower is sufficient.
2. Avoid temptation
It seems to be too obvious, but that is why this strategy is so easy to neglect. But think about it: alcoholics avoid bars, and dieters don’t go to candy stores—they know that direct confrontation with the source of temptation only adds to the strain on already limited will resources.
If you give in to temptation once, it will be harder to resist the next.
When it comes to adultery, the source of temptation is one person, unless you are a celebrity who is constantly surrounded by admirers. Theoretically, one person is easier to avoid, but in practice it turns out to be a colleague, neighbor or friend — someone who is constantly present in life. Try to avoid him, keep your distance and do not be alone. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that frequent meetings will help cool down feelings. The avoidance strategy works when you are honest with yourself.
3. Be aware of the long-term consequences
Often people think that once you can afford to stumble. This is a trick of consciousness, a way to rationalize and justify momentary weakness. In fact, psychologists, and in particular George Ainsley, have proven that if you succumb to temptation once, it will be harder to resist the next.
You can again draw a parallel with the diet. It is unlikely that you will allow yourself too much if you understand that another one will follow the first cake. If you soberly assess the consequences from the very beginning, you are more likely to be able to pull yourself together in time.
Keep in mind the long-term consequences of cheating: the harm it will do to your partner and your relationship, and the children you have and may have, including as a result of an extramarital affair.
4. Talk openly with your partner
This may be the most difficult strategy, but also the healthiest for a relationship. It is not easy to admit to a partner that you want to change. However, your coldness and silence will still not go unnoticed, and family members will try to understand what happened and what their fault is.
This is a painful conversation, but there is hope that the interlocutor will be grateful for the willingness to trust him instead of committing an act irreparable for the relationship.
It is natural for a person to be weak in the face of temptation. But resisting temptation is a sign that you can be responsible for yourself and your partner.
About the author: Mark White is a psychologist at Staten Island College in New York.