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Has it ever happened that a person considered you his friend – and you maintained a relationship with him just out of politeness? You responded coolly to his or her messages and never texted first, but didn’t directly say, “We’re not friends.” Perhaps he belonged to one of the four types described. How to learn to part with such people?
1. “Telegrapher”
Such a friend (buddy, acquaintance – call it what you want) scribbles messages at any time of the day or night – on weekdays and weekends, when you are on vacation, at a family holiday or an important work meeting. It would seem that there is such a thing?
The ability to be in touch is one of the signs of the modern world, and the sound on the phone can always be turned off. But the problem is that such a friend has absolutely no respect for you, your personal boundaries and your time. But respect is something without which it is impossible to build a true friendship.
2. “Energy Vampire”
After every meeting with such a person, you feel completely exhausted, devastated. Perhaps because he is constantly late and disrupts your plans? Or maybe because it brings with it a continuous negative, constantly complains about life, but resolutely rejects all your ideas and suggestions.
Understanding whether it is worth maintaining a relationship with such a person is quite simple: friendship should fill you and give you strength, and not exhaust you at all.
3. “Emotionally deaf”
Such a person does not read and does not respect other people’s emotions, criticizes you and does not follow what he says, and on holidays he gets off with faceless gifts and sends messages “without a soul”. He hardly works on himself – he is already happy with everything. But it’s extremely difficult to be friends with him, because you and your feelings are regularly “driven through”, and this is unlikely to ever change.
4. Gossip
Let’s be honest: we all exchange “news” about others from time to time, but it’s one thing to discuss neutrally, worry or even be happy for others, and quite another to sting and criticize. Gossips are just one of those who spread others (even their own friends) to smithereens. Most likely, they do this because of their own low self-esteem and self-doubt, but is it any easier for someone?
Yes, now this person is discussing others with you. But do you really think that in another company you will not become a target for his poisonous arrows?
Why do we miss signals that we should pay attention to?
“Do not have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends,” we are taught from childhood. It is believed that the more friends, the better: from school, college, work – and society does not care at all how compatible we are with these people, whether we feel good together. And we are not taught at all how to behave in relationships. How to make friends – even more or less, but how to part, or at least clarify unpleasant issues – no.
We live with the idea that friends are forever, and we do not question this paradigm, although sometimes we should. Because often our boundaries are grossly violated. They hurt us, hiding behind the mask of love, care and participation. And we are “forced” to put up with it, because the alternative, as it seems to us, is loneliness. But it’s not.
Healthy friendships involve boundaries and mutual respect. In such a relationship, we are not afraid that we will be turned away if we talk about what worries us, or refuse some offer. That is the only kind of friendship worth striving for.