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Do you know the situation when you explained something in detail, diligently and, as it seems to you, in an accessible way, but you were still not understood? Why is this happening? Why are we not always understood or misunderstood?
1. “Well, that’s a no brainer”
If you treat the conversation as a kind of tick, just to indicate the fact of your own rightness, then most likely you will meet misunderstanding and disagreement. Because what is clear to a hedgehog may not look so obvious to an elephant, but to a whale it will be completely incomprehensible. Hence the next point.
2. Put yourself in the place of another
When preparing for a conversation, mentally put yourself in the place of the interlocutor. Who is this person? What does he feel? What would you like to gain from a conversation with you? What would you like to convey to you, and what would you like to hear in response?
See yourself through his eyes. Do you see yourself from the outside? Hear yourself? What are you saying to him? What intonation? Does he feel a desire on your part to understand him and agree? Or just that you are forcing your truth on him? The ability to “see” and understand the interlocutor sometimes works wonders.
3. Choose your words
One and the same phrase can be said in different ways and thereby either gain an enemy or find an ally. In 90% of cases, the phrase “we need to have a serious talk” from a tired wife to a tired husband kills his desire to talk and turns on a protective answering machine: “Don’t take out my brain.”
If you replace the phrase “you offend me” with “it hurts me when you say that,” this will take the aim away from the interlocutor and relieve tension. When you speak for yourself and about your feelings, and not in an accusatory way, it helps to build a trusting wave. Speak simply and clearly, without unnecessary tricky words and clichés. Something like “we need to come to a consensus to avoid frustration” is unlikely to add understanding.
4. It’s not always possible to agree
No matter how you prepare for the conversation and choose the right words, it is not always possible to agree with everyone. If the boss lives only for work and hates children, then he may not allow you to come to the office later in order to have time to get to the matinee with the child before that. The boss doesn’t care, he has other values and priorities.
It is also possible that they do not want to understand you at all. A person has already decided everything for himself and is unlikely to change his mind. Or maybe it is hostile, then be prepared for the fact that this will not be a sincere conversation, but tense negotiations, in which you will most likely not be understood and disagree with your opinion.
It happens that the one you would like to talk to does not want to talk. This is not your fault, this is his position, which you cannot influence. In that case, simply accept that you have done your best and direct your energies towards connecting with others.