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When a relationship starts, everything seems to work out perfectly. But at some point, the man with whom the woman mentally raised children and grew old in a house on the seashore simply disappears without explaining anything. Why, says coach and relationship expert Lucas McChord.
Men usually know what they like and what they don’t. The first thing they notice about a woman is her looks. If you showed yourself to a man, he will invite you on a date. And for some time, external attractiveness will suffice. But since a man knows exactly what he does not like, he will quickly begin to pay attention to your inner content. Soul, character, habits — all this is of decisive importance. And that’s more important than looks.
Coach Lucas McChord has many girlfriends who share stories about relationships and dating. The article is not intended to justify men who disappear without explanation, it is intended to explain why they do so.
At the very beginning of a relationship, and even on a first date, there are several important nuances that a woman should pay attention to. Because some of them men read as a warning: «Run away from her, and quickly.» This will not change if he gets to know you better, if he catches such “signals”, he will not want to know anything.
1. You are desperate for love and relationships.
Men don’t like to take on emotional responsibility until they have an attachment. If he feels that you need him, and not just «want», an alarm goes off in his head. An emotionally healthy man will not want to serve as a filler for your emptiness in your soul or in life.
You may have heard otherwise many times, but they do not dream of saving women from a miserable life. They want to be with a woman who can lead a happy and fulfilling life without them. This is not infantilism and immaturity. It’s one thing to volunteer to help someone you’re already in a relationship with, someone you’re attached to, someone you love. And another thing is when this is expected of you or even required from the very beginning. It’s intimidating.
2. You want to forget your ex
No man wants to be a substitute for another. If you’re divorced or ending a long-term relationship, don’t expect some poor guy to take on the role of comforter. Men are attracted to those who have complete order in their lives. And if not complete, they bring this semi-order on their own with joy and enthusiasm. Women who are interesting to them know what they want from life, are confident in themselves and are not afraid to be alone. If you are looking for a man because being alone scares you, potential suitors will disappear from your life as soon as they appear on the horizon.
3. You are a drama queen
Men deal with feelings worse. A study by psychology professor Ann Kring found that women are much more expressive of emotions. Men hate complicated displays of affection because they don’t know what to do with it. When a woman asks: “Well, where are our relationships heading?”, A man takes possession of several negative emotions at the same time, which he cannot cope with. When she makes a jealous scene or says something like, «I think I like you more than you like me,» he doesn’t know how to react. And it’s easier for him to run away than to deal with the drama.
Starting a relationship involves getting to know each other, having fun, creating an emotional connection and intimacy. But if you start weighing his contribution to the relationship from the very first days (weeks, months), expecting more than he has to offer, most likely he will not stay around to find out if you are worth it and leave.
4. You are insecure
A teacher once said, «If you don’t believe in yourself, why would anyone else believe in you?» If you are not confident in yourself and your actions, a man will not make up for this lack. If you need constant confirmation that you look great, work great, raise kids progressively, and cook divinely, he will get tired of having to cheer you up every day.
Nothing attracts more than self-confidence and self-esteem. We cannot offer anything to a potential partner if we do not believe in ourselves and do not respect ourselves as a person.
Women are beautiful, and without them we would simply be lost. It is important for women to understand that they do not need men. They can do just fine without us. Just because you don’t have a partner right now doesn’t mean you should immediately get one and make that search your main goal in life. Relationships become unimaginably more beautiful if they are not overshadowed by this infantile raid called «I need a man.» You don’t need him. You are a woman and you are beautiful, concludes Lucas McChord.
Enjoy yourself, life, and then all men will be at your feet.