4 reasons why men avoid intimate relationships

Everything is fine, you love each other, but he does not want to move or even worse – he does not want to determine your status in any way. Why? What makes men refuse to live together and share a common future?

The word “commitment”

“My girlfriend is dear to me, but I don’t want to live together,” Artem admits. – I’m afraid that this will change a lot and the relationship will worsen. Everything that we do for each other now just because we like it will become a duty. I saw how many couples collapse because of this, and I don’t want to change anything. ”

“To a large extent, these fears are created by the social background around us and the media that talk about unsuccessful relationships and conflicts,” says psychologist Marina Myaus. “Divorces have become commonplace, and even those men who have not yet tried to build relationships are distrustful of the institution of marriage.”

At the same time, a person can be internally ready for partnership and the obligations with which it is associated. However, as soon as it ceases to be his good will and turns into a social requirement, it immediately causes an internal protest.

“Prejudice can be associated with negative experiences in the parental family,” the expert believes. “If a person is young enough and not yet rigid, gradual rapprochement helps, when step by step he understands that he is able to independently build his personal life according to an independent scenario.”

Loyalty

“When I sign up for what is considered to be a serious relationship, fidelity is required from me by default,” says Arthur. “I don’t think I’m ready to take on such promises, but I don’t want to lie and change.”

The idea that from now on this is your only sexual partner stops many young men. The situation often changes after gaining sufficient sexual experience and love impressions, when there is a need for intimacy, which can only be achieved with one person. There are those who do not accept monogamous relationships for themselves.

“Frequent change of partners may be associated with sexual addiction, which masks other, deeper problems,” says Marina Myaus. – This is not so much a physiological need as a psychological one – a person uses sex for self-affirmation and self-esteem, trying to displace the feeling of loneliness, a feeling of loss. However, this turns out to be only a sublimation of real warmth and closeness. Fear and distrust of the other do not allow you to stop at one partner.

Someone will be closer

“I can’t get rid of the feeling that I will meet someone who will be more suitable for me, will become my true soul mate,” Roman shares. “Even when I’m in love, I subconsciously live with this feeling.”

“Elsewhere, the grass is always greener – in accordance with this saying, men can also perceive love relationships,” explains Marina Myaus. – This is partly due to the “postponed life syndrome”, when a person lives with the feeling that for the time being he is only preparing for another, real, more eventful one.

Under various pretexts, he puts aside other areas of his possible realization and often does not realize what is happening. In the end, this inevitably leads to internal conflict and deep disappointment.

Concessions and compromises

“If we are together, I won’t be able, as before, to manage my time,” says Maxim. “I don’t want to report to anyone and conflict, so it’s better to just meet when we mutually like it.”

“If the need to build an alliance at some point in life prevails, then the skills of compromise can be gradually mastered,” the expert believes. – However, what is happening can be complicated by intimophobia – a pronounced fear of dependence on a partner. In this case, a person is much more difficult and less likely to overcome the internal barrier on the way to rapprochement.

How to be a woman?

“We are so close, why doesn’t he want to live together?”, “I don’t understand why, after several successful dates, he does not delete the profile on the dating site?” – I often hear these questions from women, – says Marina Myaus. – If you feel inferior in a relationship, the worst thing you can do out of fear of losing it is to silently accept the status quo.

Deep down, a woman hopes that her lover will change his mind someday. When the waiting period is prolonged, the psyche uses one of the strongest defenses – rationalization, and we convince ourselves that we do not need a close connection either. This internal conflict sooner or later ends in a crisis.”

Therefore, mutual honesty is so important, and if your ideas about how the union will develop do not match, you need to make a choice.

Sometimes the other side begins to imitate involvement in the relationship and readiness for obligations.

“People with narcissistic traits often do this, first bringing their partner closer, building the illusion of close and trusting relationships, and then unexpectedly pushing them away,” the expert explains. “These emotional swings become the basis of the relationship, and the other side has a false feeling that she is loved, but now there are only “temporary difficulties” that are important to survive.”

However, this is only an ersatz of human closeness, and the sooner you manage to find the strength to admit it, the more likely you are to meet a person with whom you have the same inner values ​​and life plans.