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It seems to you that something is wrong in the space of your couple, but you cannot catch what’s wrong? Pay attention to your partner’s speech. Some of his statements may speak of potential “toxicity”.
Toxicity in a relationship does not always occur immediately: the first signs of trouble are invisible. But a whole layer of problems and disagreements gradually accumulates, because of which one or both partners feel like they are trapped. They are annoyed by the excessive control of the other, and communication with him deprives them of strength.
“It all starts with little things that at first glance seem completely insignificant. But they can safely be called manifestations of microaggression, ”explains clinical psychologist and business coach Perpechua Neo. Nevertheless, they are worth paying attention to: just look at all the problems in the complex, and the relationship will appear before you in a new light. You may have a reason to think about how well everything is in your couple.
1. “You take everything too painfully”
If you heard this phrase when you noticed a partner’s rude or disrespectful behavior, then keep in mind: this is a prime example of gaslighting – a manipulative technique that makes you lose confidence in your perception of reality.
“Over time, you begin to doubt yourself and even look for excuses for his actions. You already agree: “You know, maybe you are right, I took it too painfully. So you gradually lose yourself, ”explains Neo.
2. “I’m more experienced/older than you”
If your partner always presents himself as your “savior” – a smarter, wiser, more experienced person who deserves more respect, this can also be a sign of relationship toxicity. “Such a partner undermines your confidence and trust in yourself, making you dependent on him. Over time, you also begin to lose your real self, says Neo.
3. “I’m worse off than you”
“If a person revels in their suffering, enjoying the attention and sympathy of others, and at the same time believes that their emotional pain and experiences are more significant than the experiences of other people, this is a classic sign of covert narcissism,” explains Neo.
The owner of this type of personality develops a real dependence on their injuries. It seems to him that his suffering is unique, unrepeatable. And of course, they are much more important than yours.
4. “I don’t like this person”
Of course, no one can get along with absolutely everyone. However, often toxic people deliberately conflict with your environment in order to isolate you from everyone and make you completely dependent on them.
“If your partner frequently starts criticizing your family and friends at precisely the time when you are most susceptible to suggestion (for example, when you are tired, sleepy, or have drunk too much), this is a particularly alarming sign,” Neo warns.
The result?
It is important to pay attention to the hidden signs of emerging toxicity in a relationship in time. Inappropriate behavior usually starts small. “Such people first check you, see how you react. They repeat this over and over again to determine where the line is for you,” explains Perpechua Neo.
Of course, if your partner or close friend occasionally uses the phrases listed above, this is not a reason to panic, but it’s worth considering. Most importantly, always remember that you and your feelings are worthy of respect!