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How do you feel when friends whose marriage seemed so strong, secure and happy are suddenly going to divorce? Most likely a real shock. But the fact is that parting almost never happens “suddenly” – usually it is preceded by years of omissions, mistakes and problems. What are these errors and how can they be avoided?
1. Constant reproaches
One of the partners often says in private or in public, even in a joking way, what did the other do wrong? This is a warning sign. Yes, a loved one probably sometimes makes mistakes and hurts you, but constantly reminding him of this is a road to nowhere. Feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment (in case the accusations sound publicly) – it is impossible to live with this burden for a long time.
2. Talking about your personal life with friends
It would seem, and to whom else to complain about a partner, if not friends? That he (she) is “always on the phone / stays late at work / visits parents too often.” Or that you haven’t had sex in ages. Or, even worse, that your partner cheated on you.
However, if you talk about what is happening to everyone in a row, you can drive yourself into a trap, and the problem will no longer be solved. Well, how to stay with a person whom you yourself forgave infidelity, but whom you previously managed to complain to all your friends?
3. Jokes about a partner
No matter how harmless your jokes are, they are likely to hurt a loved one or at least embarrass them. Even if you think you love it.
4. Expecting a Loved One to Read Your Mind
The current generation knows a lot about the importance of direct, honest and frank conversations and voicing their desires. However, many are still sure that the partner should guess everything himself, especially “after so many years of relationship!”. This is a very immature and infantile position.
Your partner is not a fortune teller or psychic, he or she does not have a myelophone. If you want something, if something hurts you or something is missing, just say so.
The collapse of a marriage rarely occurs as a result of a single “natural disaster.” Usually, the protracted “bad weather”, a snowball of mistakes and misunderstandings, is to blame. And the way out is obvious – high-quality communication.
- Talking from the “I” position – without accusations and attacks.
- Regular discussions about what is happening in a couple.
- The ability to recognize your feelings and voice desires.
It would seem a simple truth, but in practice, many neglect it. Remind yourself and your partner of this often. Work on relationships – and then you will not be afraid of any “suddenly”.