We dream of many things. Buy a house, write a book, act in a movie. And we continue to live as we lived — we go to boring work along the same route, we communicate with the same people. What is the reason for our passivity? In fears that do not allow you to take a step towards success.
If you were asked to describe your dream life in a few sentences, what would it be like? Probably, it would have an interesting job that brings a good income and helps to reveal their talents. You would travel several times a year to unusual countries: climb the mountains of Nepal or feed giraffes on a farm in Kenya. You would take care of your health, go in for sports, meet friends, spend a lot of time with your family.
But for some reason, dreams remain only dreams, and reality is as far from them as you are from Kenya: boring work with an uncomfortable schedule, disgusted routine, constant health problems, lack of money, and from a hobby — only evening watching TV shows.
So why aren’t you living the life you dream of? The reason is not that you allegedly do not have talents, and not that you lack motivation. The main brake that prevents you from reaching your potential is fear.
1. Fear of failure
This is the so-called «A student syndrome». As parents taught in childhood — «do it well or not at all.» And now you have grown up, but you are still afraid to take a step towards your dream, because the fear of making a mistake paralyzes you, just like at school. Nothing has happened yet, and you have already imagined your failure in colors and began to panic because of the possible difficulties.
How to stop being afraid
- Allow yourself to be wrong. Learn from failures and improve. This is the best way to learn anything.
- Think of fallback options—those back-up plans B and C—in case something goes wrong. Knowing that there is a safety net, you will act bolder.
- Test your ideas. Decided to buy a set of expensive markers to learn how to draw? Go first to the master class and evaluate how this occupation is yours. Do you want to organize a business? Do not pour all the money into one project — organize a test focus group and calculate the approximate profit.
2. Fear of success
Sometimes you do not take on something worthwhile, not because you are afraid of failure, but rather because you are afraid of success. You just don’t know what you’ll do if you succeed. So you started earning half a million a month, and now what? Do you need to look for new friends? Start helping relatives financially? Moving from your hometown to a metropolis?
How to stop being afraid
As often as possible, practice the «Look beyond the horizon» technique — look wider at your future. Challenge yourself to dream big: “What happens when I reach this goal? And the next one? What will I buy myself? In which countries will I vacation? Start mentally preparing for success, and it will come to you much faster.
3. Fear of change
Subconsciously, you resist any change, even if you yourself are not aware of it. And it doesn’t matter what kind of change it is — for better or for worse, whether you lose your job or start earning 10 times more than now. With negative changes, everything is clear: no one wants to face illness, quarrels or lack of money. What’s wrong with dreaming of a better life?
When you set a course for a successful future, it means that you will have to change your habits, take on new responsibilities, meet new requirements, build relationships with new people. All this gives rise to the fear of the unknown — one of the most ancient fears and one of the most powerful.
So it turns out that many choose not bright changes, but that very stability: to go to the same job for 10 years, because it’s calmer, to endure a husband with whom they have been together since students, to do what they are used to, and to give up everything new.
How to stop being afraid
It is not possible to completely eradicate this fear. This is only possible with evolution. Perhaps in a few generations people will no longer be so panicky afraid of change and the unknown that is associated with it. But you can ease the fear. Carefully change your usual way of life: get to work by a new road, chat with the seller in the store instead of silently taking kefir and a loaf, buy a new dress — for no reason, just like that.
You will see that changes are not always bad: a new road can surprise you with a picturesque view, a saleswoman will turn out to be the sweetest lady and become your good friend, and your colleagues will like a new dress. Just try! After all, life without change is impossible. And stability is just an illusion.
4. Fear of public opinion
What will my friends think of me? How will I explain this to my parents? What if my colleagues will whisper about me? These questions pop into your head when you decide to do something new. A person is so arranged — it is important for him what others think. It all started in primitive times, when it was impossible to survive alone. If members of the community did not accept you, it means that certain death awaits ahead.
This fear haunts us to this day. Therefore, we are so afraid of ridicule, condemnation, censure, and often prefer to do nothing and not stand out from the rest in anything, so as not to feel this primitive anxiety.
How to stop being afraid
Focus on your values. If you clearly understand what is truly important to you, you will stop seeking approval from others. Listen to yourself and go your own way, without looking back at public opinion. Develop immunity to negativity, criticism, and rejection. Try the 10 Refusal Technique — go out and offer strangers something they’re likely to refuse, like buying you a bunch of flowers. Don’t stop until you have a collection of 10 no’s.
Sidelong glances, misunderstanding, rejection will harden you, and by the end of the test you will no longer react so sharply to refusals in response to a request and you will feel that it is easier to relate to what others think. On the way to ambitious goals and dreams, you will have to face a whole ocean of criticism and negativity — it would be good to start preparing for this now.
Real growth and victory is impossible if you are ruled by fear. Do not follow his lead — use these techniques to realize yourself and turn your life into a masterpiece.