4 fears of a man in bed: how to find and neutralize them

1. Fear of not meeting your partner’s expectations

This fear tends to occur in men of the narcissistic type. Quite often, such men attach special importance to relations with the “chosen” woman, idealize her and are afraid not to meet her expectations. It manifests itself in obsessive fears of being uninteresting or not being able to produce an effect. Interestingly, fear can either be reinforced by the behavior of the partner, or be simply far-fetched and projected onto her.

What to do?

The most effective way to deal with such fears is to face reality. What can be recommended to a man? Look at the situation from the outside and think: are you really expected to have any superpowers?

If so, then no matter how you behave, most likely, a woman will seek to devalue you. In this case, the problem concerns not only and not so much the intimate sphere. You can remember or find out from your partner what does not suit her in your relationship. When the problem is found, it is worth discussing it and finding a compromise.

If everything is playing out in your head, knowing that fear has nothing to do with reality helps to reduce anxiety and relax.

2. Fear of trying new things

This fear is associated with self-doubt, complexes lying in the intimate sphere, all kinds of sex prohibitions and taboos. Since intimate relationships are a territory of extreme vulnerability for some people, “step to the right, step to the left” from the usual scenario of behavior can cause great fear. How is it to do something new? What if everything doesn’t go according to plan? Questions swarm in the man’s head, and he indecisively moves away from the dangerous, in his opinion, undertaking.

What to do?

In this situation, you can visually present a “picture” of how everything will happen. Moreover, you can imagine yourself as an observer who looks at what is happening from the side. Explore a new space like a pioneer.

Ask yourself four questions that will help you figure out what you’re afraid of and overcome your fear.

1. What are your reactions to something new?
2. How is your body responding?
3. What is frightening about this experience?
4. Can a new experience bring you pleasure?

Of course, if “new” doesn’t fit into your acceptability range, it’s best to skip the experiment. And if, imagining the situation from the outside, you experienced only pleasant emotions, then this is an occasion to experiment in reality.

3. Fear that the partner will refuse sex

The fear of being denied sex is quite often directly related to parent-child relationships, namely, the bond between mother and child. It brings the man back to the trauma of rejection that the boy experienced as a child. This deep fear is rooted in the man’s traumatic experience and is always associated with very painful feelings.

What to do?

Since the partner in this situation is selected “in the image and likeness” of the mother, it is logical that a man is indeed denied intimacy from time to time. Thus, retraumatization occurs – re-entering the injury, which aggravates the situation.

Dealing with this situation on your own is quite difficult. What can you do?

As you know, understanding the problem is already half the solution. Try to understand your scenario. Remember if similar situations were repeated in relationships with other women. How do you react now to the situation of rejection, what do you think about, what do you imagine? Understanding the scenario will be a big step towards change.

4. Fear of not succeeding: “my physiology will fail me”

This fear is a symptom of an anxious and suspicious personality. Such men, in principle, tend to form various fears in many situations, they may be afraid of a world apocalypse or an ant sting. But especially masterfully anxious and suspicious men generate fears in the intimate sphere. What are they related to? The so-called “misfire fear” is directly related to the problem of gender identity. Simply put, such a person does not feel like a man.

What to do?

Often, people with such fears in childhood did not form an idea of ​​​​the image of themselves as a man. As an adult, how can this missing link be filled? You can gain experience of masculine behavior and assign it to yourself by observing and communicating with men who are authoritative and significant to you. It could be a colleague, friend or relative.

Another option is to find in the cinema and literature examples of the ideal, in your opinion, man. What values ​​do you share with these images, what do you like about their behavior, what would you like to “try on” for yourself? Every day, take some small action that will take you one step closer to your desired ideal. You need to do this regularly, which in the future will lead to a “cumulative effect”.