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Fact number zero: most people with increased anxiety are not even aware of their condition. It seems to them that the level of stress they are experiencing is tolerable, “about the same as everyone else.” It often comes to panic attacks, and only then the person finally seeks help. We tell you what else is important to know.
1. You need to understand the reason for your anxiety, but do not scold yourself for it.
People who experience some type of psychological problem often blame themselves for their condition. It may seem to such a person that he is a weakling, a loser, or simply cannot pull himself together. It is difficult for him to understand the causes of what happened, but it is necessary to do this – this is the first step towards healing.
Psychologist Alexandra Solomon explains why it is so important in therapy to get to the bottom of the reasons, and cites the emotional unavailability of a person as an example: “Why and how did he become like this? Perhaps because he grew up in an unsupportive environment. Because from childhood I got used to the fact that there will be no help and support – you are on your own. Because because of all this, I have not learned to endure the state of emotional discomfort that sometimes occurs between people, especially in a situation of conflict. Understanding exactly how our past affects our present is the first step towards making things right.”
So it is in the situation with anxiety – it is important to understand what exactly causes it now and caused it once, to find the root cause, the source.
2. Changes in one area of life lead to changes in all others.
Anxiety cannot be “operated on”, “cut out”, leaving all other “tissues” and “organs” intact. Healing from it cannot but affect other parts of life – primarily relationships with people.
For example, a person who gets rid of anxiety can stop striving for everything and always please others – simply because, while working with anxiety, he learned along the way to build boundaries and put his needs and desires in priority. Sometimes healing is associated with the rupture of painful relationships or a complete change of environment, and you need to be prepared for this.
3. There is a scientific explanation for the fact that the brain tends to chew “mental gum”
When we worry, it seems to our brain that it is solving a problem, so at that moment we are relieved – and, without noticing it ourselves, we “sit down” on this sensation. The habit is fixed, and we chew this mental “gum” again and again.
Research shows that many of us really believe that solving a problem requires a lot of thinking and careful consideration, and this process is often accompanied by worries. This means that the longer we struggle with a task, the longer we worry.
It is important to understand that anxiety does not help us in any way, and learn to control – and, ideally, stop – these conditions. This will help the practice of breathing and meditation.
4. Recovery will not be linear
Those who have not previously sought help from a therapist can imagine the workflow as follows: we tell the specialist about our problems, he advises something, and with each session we get better. Time after time, step by step.
But the truth is that healing from anxiety is not a straight highway, but rather a web of paths. And you definitely shouldn’t beat yourself up for the lack of progress or “kickbacks” back. The fact that our psyche clings so tenaciously to an established pattern is due to evolution: in order to survive, we had to remember the sources of danger that we once faced for a lifetime.
In addition, our perception is subjective: even if it seems to us that we are marking time, in fact, perhaps it is at this moment that the maximum progress and even the transition to a new level occurs. Here it would be appropriate to recall a child who is learning to walk: yes, he falls over and over again, but it is at this moment that the learning process takes place, thanks to which the first independent steps will one day be taken.
Finally, do not blame yourself for the fact that you may not have been aware of your condition for a long time and did nothing to help yourself. You did everything you could with the information you had. And most importantly, do it now.