4 exercises to boost self-esteem

Doubting ourselves, we lose time and opportunities for development. It would seem that one realization of this should spur us on. But that doesn’t happen. Paradoxically, such behavior is more profitable for us in the short term. By convincing ourselves that difficult tasks are not up to us, we protect ourselves from the negative emotions associated with the risk of failure.

The problem is that constant uncertainty depresses us not only morally, but also physically: we get tired faster, we feel exhausted, and in the end, even those things that seemed easy become overwhelming.

To get out of this vicious circle, willpower alone is not enough. Psychologist and psychiatrist Frederic Fange advises to start by reconsidering your internal attitudes. According to him, the lack of self-confidence manifests itself at three different levels:

• The foundation is self-esteem (what I’m worth);
• The middle part is self-confidence (what I can and can do);
• The top is self-affirmation (which I am capable of).

Can we be successful at what we do and have low self-esteem at the same time? Or respect yourself without having enough faith in your talents and abilities? “Learning to believe in yourself means developing faith in your abilities, your inner resources, your talents,” adds Frédéric Fange. In other words, it is pointless to try to change yourself without first working with your deep settings. Here are a few techniques to help you develop a constructive approach to your own life.

Develop what works

To regain confidence in yourself and increase self-esteem, you should not try to influence those areas where you are most vulnerable. Let’s say you’re bad at public speaking and you enroll in a public speaking course. But if you are depressed, the success of others can only make it worse. Instead, focus on improving the skills you already have.

The awareness of your own mastery enhances self-confidence through the positive emotions you experience (pride, joy, lightness of mind). Let’s say you’re good at playing the guitar. You can learn new tricks or learn new pieces. Your emotional “capital” will increase, give you the energy to work on yourself and improve your self-esteem in general.

Ask loved ones

Talking with someone who is sympathetic towards you will help you take a fresh look at your abilities. You can turn to a friend, colleague, family member, and explain to him that you need his help in order to understand your strengths and weaknesses more clearly. Ask questions: “At what moment, under what circumstances, in what business, from your point of view, did I prove myself as a knowledgeable and experienced person?”

Record responses without commenting on them. This will allow you not only to see yourself from the outside and find peace in case of failure (“I am not alone, I can get support if I need it”), but also to learn about those talents and abilities that we previously underestimated or about which didn’t know at all.

Record your activities

How to evaluate your actions more objectively? To do this, it is not at all necessary to deny the obvious, trying to find only positive aspects in everything. It is only necessary to distance oneself from one’s own past attitudes, to radically change the habitual pattern of thinking. Admit your doubts: “I don’t feel capable enough for this.”

Take a piece of paper and write down those moments of everyday life that make you feel weak and insecure (in relationships with a partner, friends and loved ones, at work). Describe in one sentence why this is happening. On another piece of paper, make another list. But this time, remember those moments that give you confidence.

Ask yourself again: why exactly do they make me feel this way? What do you feel? Why exactly do they have such an effect on you? Last step: Re-read both lists several times, trying to form a complete picture of your strengths and weaknesses. This exercise, if practiced regularly, helps to focus your attention on the nuances, move away from the global “I’m not capable of anything” to the more specific “I have difficulties in some moments, but I know and can do a lot.”

Set realistic goals

It is often thought that perfectionism is the destiny of ambitious and self-confident people. But it is not so. It is typical for many of us. And more often this is expressed in the form of a reproach (“I’m not good enough”) than an incentive (“I can do better”). Being a perfectionist means focusing on unattainable goals. In striving to do everything perfectly, we deny ourselves the right to make mistakes. Any mistake will undermine our self-esteem, instill a sense of powerlessness and insecurity, which ultimately affects all areas of our lives.

To get out of this impasse, you need to draw a clear line between a specific and achievable goal (for example, to make a presentation at work), a goal that can be achieved temporarily (find an understanding with the child), and a goal that is currently unattainable for us (for example, , to become an opera singer without relevant data and training).

Record this division on paper. Ideally, this is how you should justify each of your goals: clarify what our real possibilities are for achieving it, and which options are better not to take into account (for example, it is hardly worth planning to pay off a large loan, hoping to win money in the lottery).