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Believing in yourself is the first step to success. Do you feel like you miss her? Start practicing these simple exercises that come from different cultures – Hawaiian, African, Mexican and American.
Why do we lose confidence in ourselves? There are many reasons: these are excessive demands, and the inability to forgive mistakes, and constant self-flagellation, and comments from other people. For each of these cases there is a psychological exercise.
Ho’oponopono: Hawaiian problem solving
What is this?
Ho’oponopono is the ancient Hawaiian art of reconciliation. It has been used for centuries to prevent hostility and resolve conflicts. At the beginning of the XNUMXth century, the Hawaiian healer Morrna Nalamaku Simeon modified this technique, reducing it to four simple phrases. They will help clear your mind and make peace with yourself.
Goal
Get rid of guilt and shame, forgive yourself.
How to do it?
Stand in front of a mirror and start a dialogue with yourself. These phrases will need to be said aloud in this order:
- “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry”. Tell us what caused your regret, what is your fault in front of you, what mistakes you would like to correct. Feel the importance of your words. Accept your feelings without limits. This is your message to higher intelligence. Recognizing that you are sorry for the negative programs that have entered you.
- “Please forgive me”. In the same state of sincerity, remember the grievances that you could not or did not want to prevent. This is your request for help in forgiving yourself.
- “Thank you”. Think about what experience these mistakes and insults have given you. What benefit can you derive from them? Thank yourself and those around you for helping you get better.
- “I love you”. It is difficult to accept your weaknesses and failures. However, you need to be kind to yourself. Kindness makes us stronger, helps us see purpose more clearly and think more clearly. Anger clouds the mind. Look at yourself in the mirror with kindness and love. Spend as much time on this as you need. And then confess your love to yourself.
After that, you will become a new person.
Kasala: the practice of self-praise
What is this?
Many of us were taught as children to be humble, and ‘I’ is the last letter of the alphabet.” Most parents have no idea what harm they do to the child by constantly repeating this formula. Kasala is one way to remember that each person is unique and important to this world.
The practice of kasala was suggested by Jean Kabuta, a teacher of literature from the Congo. The kasala, or “poem of self-praise”, has been present in the culture of African tribes for centuries. It helps to better understand oneself, to recognize positive qualities, to talk about shortcomings with humor – in general, to feel like an important member of society without aggression and belittling others.
Goal
Accept fully all aspects of your “I”.
How to do it?
Take a sheet of paper, a pen and start the casala by listing all the names, affectionate and playful nicknames that you are called. Then list your qualities, moral and physical. Indicate which of them you consider important and which are secondary.
If you find it difficult to praise yourself, imagine how your best friend or loved one would describe you. Be sure to mention your shortcomings, but also in excellent form: “No one knows how to miss deadlines like me. Once I completed the order of the boss only a year later, although I should have done it in a week.
Make the text poetic. Jean Kabuta advises to introduce metaphors related to nature into it: “dexterous as a cat”, “flexible as a reed”. Write everything as it is. No need to be shy or shy. And the hardest part: read the kasala to one or more friends. Listen to see if they agree with your description.
Second Toltec Agreement: “Don’t take it personally”
What is this?
The Toltec tribe lived in what is now Mexico between 1000 and 1300. According to excavations, their civilization was very advanced. Interest in it resurfaced in the early 2000s, when the physician Don Miguel Ruiz published the book Four Agreements. Book of Toltec Wisdom. It became a bestseller all over the world.
Don Miguel Ruiz was born and raised in a family of Mexican healers. The mother hoped that her son would continue the ancient work, but Miguel chose medical school and became a surgeon. But one day he had an accident and experienced clinical death. He turned to the wisdom of his Toltec ancestors and decided to convey their vision of the structure of the world to as many people as possible.
The meaning of Toltec wisdom is to destroy the prejudices that limit us. Four agreements contribute to this:
- May your word be perfect.
- Don’t take it personally.
- Don’t make assumptions.
- Try to do your best.
All of them are important for the correct perception of oneself and the world around. But to increase self-esteem, perhaps the most important thing is the second.
Goal
Stop depending on the mood of the people around you.
How to do it?
“The affairs of others do not concern you. Everything people say or do is a projection of their own reality. If you develop immunity to other people’s views and actions, then you will avoid needless suffering, ”writes Don Miguel Ruiz.
You need to learn not to react to the comments of others. After all, you don’t know what caused them: a bad mood, problems at home, fatigue, and so on. In essence, the other person’s words about you are a representation created by some stranger, not by you. Do not let this alien image influence the real you, lower your self-esteem or make you doubt your abilities.
4 questions to Kathy Byron
What is this?
American Kathy Byron at some point was on the verge of suicide. In her own words, she was “a completely depressed, self-loathing, self-loathing woman.” Due to low self-esteem, she even decided that she was not worthy to sleep on the bed, and moved to the floor. As a result, Katie began to ask herself four simple questions whenever she begins to be weighed down by an obsessive thought that interferes with her life and work. These questions formed the basis of The Work methodology.
Goal
Drive away doubts about your abilities and strengths.
How to do it?
In a desperate moment, write down on paper or say out loud four questions and your answers to them. For example, you might think, “There’s no way I can get this job.” Ask yourself:
- It’s true? Your answer may be a firm “yes”, a hesitant “yes” or even “not quite true”. Answer sincerely.
- Are you absolutely sure this is true? If you are sure, remember examples of failures that confirm that you never live up to your expectations.
- How do you react? What happens when you are sure of this thought? Be attentive and frank: you can feel anger, shame, despondency, or you can feel relief or joy.
- Who would you be without this thought? You are not your thoughts. It is enough just to correctly model thoughts in order to believe in yourself and give yourself new emotions. Imagine not being able to think, “There’s no way I can get this job.” How do you feel now?
After that, reverse your original thought, replacing it with the opposite – “I will get this job.” Think of three examples that prove that you can achieve what you want. For example: “I have experience in this field, they are looking for a person of my age, I am ready to devote a lot of time to the cause.” Again ask yourself these 4 questions, only this time regarding the inverted thought.