4 Causes of Relationship Conflict

Ideal relationships only exist in movies or fairy tales. But in reality, the difference in characters, temperaments and life goals leads to conflicts and quarrels. The ability to compromise and solve problems is an indicator of how much you value relationships and how long they will last.

However, not all couples pass the «strength test», especially at the initial stage. Consider the most common topics that cause conflicts.

Upbringing and behavior patterns instilled in childhood

Often, difficulties in communication and frequent conflicts arise due to the fact that partners were brought up in different environments, saw different role models.

In one family, pity and sympathy for homeless animals were cultivated, in another, such animals were considered dangerous and dirty. In one, help and responsiveness are an integral part of decency, in the other, everything had to be done primarily for the sake of one’s well-being. In one, they were taught to never be late and do the work on time, in the other they believed: nothing serious will happen if you are a little late.

In adult life, such mismatches strongly affect relationships and even with great sympathy can become a serious problem. The main thing is to learn how to negotiate and find ways to resolve conflicts that arise. In such cases, the couple should build their own, common family model, different from those that both people saw in childhood.

Past personal life

Someone knows how to delicately bypass this topic and not investigate the details, while someone occasionally raises these topics and stirs up the past. One way or another, the shadows of the «former» often become the cause of quarrels between partners.

Interest in the past personal life of a loved one can be a sore point. Girls are the most sensitive to this topic. Finding out the details of their man’s past relationship, they become hostages of the information received. There is a risk that at every opportunity the topic will come up again and again in communication.

There is another situation when a girl, for greater motivation, can compare the current man with the former, which can also serve as a reason for conflict.

Financial issues

There are several types of conflicts here. The first comes from the family model: how the issue of money was resolved in the parental home. For example, the entire budget was in the hands of women, or, conversely, the husband allocated money to his wife for certain needs, and the rest of the amount was with him.

It is also very important to figure out how the family treated money in general: thrifty or living in a paycheck-to-paycheck style. It will be difficult for people to maintain parity in the case when one is wasteful and does not know the cost of money, while the second saves on everything.

Another problem may be that today women earn no less than men, and sometimes even more. If the partners are accustomed to the traditional model, then such a “skew” can also cause discontent on both sides, which sooner or later will result in an open conflict.

life guidelines

The modern world offers many opportunities. Freedom of choice and action has led to the fact that a person began to rely more on his own desires, rather than social attitudes. If not so long ago, getting married and having a baby was the main and only goal for a woman, now, fortunately, priorities have changed.

Someone does not want to sit in an office with a fixed schedule, choosing freelance or remote work, while someone is generally ready to go to the ocean and live by renting out their apartment. Someone dreams of having three children, a dog and a big house, while someone will live comfortably all his life with a cat and a parrot.

Opposites attract, but if partners have completely different values ​​and ideas about themselves in the future, they will not be able to stay together for a long time and will part one way or another.