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When something does not suit us in life, we want to change it. We make plans, but for some reason we rarely carry them out. Why? Most of the time, it’s not about external circumstances. Obstacles are erected by our emotional brain. How do you “negotiate” with him?
We often set goals for ourselves: lose weight / find a new job / learn a foreign language / improve daily routine – everyone has their own list. The goal inspires, fills us with energy.
We are thinking about how to achieve it, breaking down the path to it into more realistic and achievable stages. At least that’s how they seem to us, as long as the process is controlled by our rational brain…
But after some time we are faced with serious opposition. The emotional brain comes into play, and our vision of the desired prospects is replaced by internal chaos. Now everything will depend on which brain – rational or emotional – we listen to.
Who will take over?
Given that most of us give up on our goals halfway through, more often than not, we become victims of our emotional brain. No wonder, because he is much more active and persistent than the rational – by nature, lazy and inclined to follow the emotional in tow.
When they collide with some external obstacle, the following dialogue takes place between them:
Emotional brain: “Oh! Let! It poses a threat to us!”
Rational Brain: “I guess I agree… It looks pretty intimidating…”
Emotional Brain (in panic): “Why are we still here? Let’s get out of here, quick!!!”
Rational brain (ready for anything, if only this story ends quickly): “Yes, perhaps we can’t cope, we are not capable / knowledgeable / attractive enough …”
Mental chaos is growing, the feeling “I’m not good enough for this” resonates more and more strongly with unconscious attitudes.
External obstacles soon turn into internal ones, and our movement towards the goal stops.
In order to achieve our goal, we need to rouse our rational brain to take it seriously, without succumbing to the panicky moods of the emotional brain.
Let’s explain this with an example. Imagine that you are in a car with a small child, and he pushes you away from the wheel in fright, thinking that if he starts driving, you will both be safe. How will you do it?
How to turn on the rational brain
1. Be present in the present moment
The first step is to return the child to his place in the back seat so that he does not interfere with driving. This is a safety issue, but not only – the child will become calmer, seeing that you have taken responsibility for yourself.
Since in this case the child and the adult are presented in one person – yours – this means that you need not to succumb to hysteria and the temptation to immediately capitulate, but to restore your presence in the present moment.
When there is a gap between stimulus and response, you are in control of yourself and your actions. Studies show that in this case we do not back down in the face of difficulties, are open to various opportunities and, having chosen the right one, act more boldly.
2. Transform energy
Even in the back seat, the child may continue to scream and cry out of inertia. In this case, do not expect that he will calm down and relax. Switch it from a negative emotion to an equally strong positive one. I well remember that when my son was two years old and he started crying, it was easier to make him laugh than to calm him down.
In the same way, when we, as adults, are overcome by fears or worries, we can channel negative energy into a constructive channel.
3. Get consistent work
The rational and emotional brains have different motivational systems. The first is determined to plan and implement plans, the second seeks to avoid pain and ensure safety. The secret of success is to reconcile these different intentions and achieve a coherent work. If we imagine how great it will feel when we achieve a goal, our emotional brain will tune in to achieve it.
It is equally important to train the rational brain to listen to our emotions: they can serve as a compass, helping it choose not a goal, but a path. Continuing our example with a child in a car – let’s say we inspired him by telling him what a wonderful place we are going to, but we want him to enjoy the trip itself, and for this we can slightly change the intended route, for example, take a detour.
The least likely thing to achieve the goal is external circumstances. This is just the first level of obstacles. Most often, obstacles that we create for ourselves interfere. If we learn to recognize when our emotional brain is in control (when we experience fear), we can transfer responsibility to more advanced areas of the brain. And we will be able to achieve our goals.