3 techniques to overcome sexual barriers

How do sexual barriers appear?

A sexual barrier is a subconscious ban on getting pleasure or some kind of action associated with arousal. It appears because of the conflict that arises between the perception formed in childhood and adult sexuality. Many parents said “no” to everything related to the study of their own body and intimate experiences. As a result, we come into adulthood with a baggage of unspoken feelings.

“Good girls don’t talk about sex, but do it silently under the covers and in the dark,” the subconscious tells us in the voice of parents, teachers and educators. All this leads to physical inhibitions during intercourse, such as the inability to make sounds, move or talk about sex for fear that the partner will judge.

Such barriers are difficult to overcome without the help of a psychotherapist and a sexologist. Trying to cope on their own, many women start pretending to be a “goddess of sex” in an attempt to keep up with the sexual revolution, which dictates: “You must be sexy, you must scream loudly in bed, you must have an orgasm. Otherwise, you are not a woman. As a result, the clamp goes even deeper, and women begin to simulate an orgasm.

Signs of a sexual block

A study showed that 53% of women pretend in bed just to please their partner. A real epidemic of visibility. How to detect the symptoms of sexual blocks in yourself? Very simple:

• Stiffness of movements and sounds, fear of making sounds during sex or moving.

• Orientation to the pleasure of the partner and non-involvement in the process.

• Demonstrative sexuality in the absence of arousal.

• Restraining one’s sexual sensitivity (lack of feeling during sex).

• Lack of relaxation.

• Feeling guilty that your partner’s actions didn’t bring you to orgasm.

• Difficulties in voicing sexual issues: contraception, speed of frictions, technique, fantasies.

3 ways to deal with sexual barriers

If you catch yourself thinking that some of the symptoms are present in you, then you can choose one of the techniques and train until the sexual clamp is completely gone. They will allow you to create new neural connections and «teach» the body to relax and enjoy the process.

Fear of moving and making sounds

This technique will give you the opportunity to “rehearse” in a safe environment where no one can see you, including your partner. Here you can not be afraid to do something wrong and make a mistake. Just move like during sex, make the movements and sounds exaggeratedly strong — in the future this will help to find the right balance. You can even combine this practice with masturbation for more realism.

Move in the basic poses that you use with a partner, for example, in the missionary position — with your hips towards your partner, clasp his imaginary buttocks with your hands and direct his movements. Choose the pace that is most comfortable for you, and as the excitement grows, speed up. For the “rider” you can put pillows, get comfortable and allow yourself to bend your lower back to the beat of the movement, move your arms, touch yourself, do not hold back your breath and sounds.

Over time, the fear of doing something wrong will go away and you will completely relax, ceasing to control every movement.

Inability to listen to feelings

This exercise will help you consciously experience arousal and its bodily manifestations. Alone with yourself or with a partner, let yourself feel the shades of sensations: how he strokes you, how silk sheets feel on your back, how your abdominal muscles tighten.

As soon as thoughts begin to replace sensations, note this and return to the body: feel the breath, the warmth of the skin, the features of touch. Relax as you exhale. This is a very useful exercise that will help you let go of control and experience vaginal orgasm more often, which is possible only with a complete «turn off» of the head.

Fear of talking about sex

This blockage usually manifests physically as a pinch in the throat, root of the tongue, and lips. If you often clench your jaw during sex, then you want to say something to your partner and cannot.

At home, you can practice: to remove the block on talking, start with a pleasant one. Regularly share your feelings with your partner, learn to describe them in as much detail as possible. For example, not just a pleasant assessment “It was divine!”, But, sweetly stretching on the bed, you whisper, narrowing your eyes: “Mmm, darling, this time I especially liked how you took my hips, your the hands were so hot, they sent a wave of excitement through the whole body.

Practice putting all your passion into the sound so that in one of your «Oh, how great it was!» he heard that you were in seventh heaven. This can be awkward at first, especially if you’ve never said it before. If you can’t get over yourself, try writing to your partner about it, most people find it easier to express such thoughts in writing.

As you become more liberated, you will be able to write and say very detailed and frank things to him, which will strengthen the emotional connection.