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When a loved one asks for help, it’s never easy to say no. It is doubly difficult if you are an introvert or shy by nature. Coach Preston Not about how to say no and not offend anyone.
Many try to avoid the word “no”. Even in childhood, we were taught that we should not object to parents, relatives, teachers and bosses. Many cultural, social and corporate traditions force us not to argue, but to agree and please. We are pressured by the fear of rejection, the desire to avoid conflict and the fear of hurting the feelings of the interlocutor.
A shy person is not necessarily an introvert, and an introvert is not always shy, but the fear of the word “no” is especially pressing – they do not like to be pressured and are lost when they are forced to respond quickly. First, they have to think things over carefully, so sometimes they stop talking instead of answering the question. Silence is often misinterpreted by interlocutors as agreement, lack of opinion, self-doubt, or secretiveness.
A few tips that will help you think about the answer, make a decision and formulate the answer so that there are no omissions between you.
1. Play for time
Do not rush to answer, try to buy time to make a decision. Use phrases:
“I need to think”.
“Give me a minute to make a decision.”
“As soon as I formulate the answer, I will immediately inform you.”
“I will give you an answer before … (name the time).”
It’s time to think about the answer. Approach the problem carefully, carefully and thoughtfully.
2. Say “no” diplomatically
You have weighed the pros and cons and come to the conclusion that the answer is no. Now you are tormented so as not to offend the interlocutor with a categorical refusal. Example. A friend asks to borrow a car, you are not ready to part with it, but you are embarrassed to say a firm “no”. Use one of the following wording:
“I wouldn’t want anyone else to drive the car.”
“I try not to part with the car.”
“Borrowing a car is not for me.”
“It is important for me to know that I can use the car at any time.”
“Unfortunately, I won’t be able to give you a car.”
“I feel uncomfortable knowing that someone else is driving my car.”
“I promised myself that I would not give the car to anyone.”
It is not easy to argue with such statements. If the person continues to appeal for pity, conscience, or a sense of justice, persist in refusing. Sooner or later, the interlocutor will understand.
3. Surround a negative response with positivity.
Another way to say no is sandwich monologues. You start with a positive statement, then gently but firmly say no, and end with another positive statement:
“I understand that you need a car this weekend. Unfortunately, I can’t give you mine. I hope you find a way out.”
About the Developer
Preston Ni – Coach, works at Foothill College, teacher of public speaking, author of the book “How to Communicate Effectively with Difficult People.” His .