Contents
Hello, dear readers of the site! If you understand that you have a fear of looking into your eyes, then this article is for you.
Since in it we will consider the main causes of tension and anxiety in moments of communication with someone, as well as methods that will help overcome your anxieties and lead an active social life without turning away from your interlocutors.
Causes
Phobias
There are two types of phobia related directly to the fear of making eye contact when speaking. This is ommatophobia — that is, a panicky, irrational fear of the eyes themselves, the eye sockets. As well as scopophobia — the fear of drawing attention to oneself.
A phobia is a mental disorder that must be treated with psychotherapy and medication. A person may realize that his anxiety is completely irrational, but he can’t do anything with himself.
This disorder often leads to an extreme state, when depression, nervous exhaustion, and other mental illnesses occur.
A person simply ceases to lead an active social life, gradually degrading if the subject of horror is encountered quite often, or panic attacks are tortured.
After all, it is difficult to go outside, go to work or go shopping when there are countless people around who are looking, who have eyes …
And even with a mild form of phobia, it is not easy to fulfill oneself, socialize, start a family, build a career.
Why they occur, you will learn directly from the articles that are devoted to these disorders.
fear of intimacy
The fear of intimacy forces a person to keep a distance from other people so that relationships do not happen.
Indeed, in intimacy, not only love arises, but also pain. And it is so terrible and undesirable that it is easier to go into isolation, creating impenetrable boundaries.
A person may not understand the true reasons for his behavior and reactions, but only face the result of his horror — the inability to look into the eyes.
In some cases, it goes to extremes when various diseases occur that lead to blindness, or partial loss of vision.
Diffidence
A person who is ashamed of some of his qualities, character traits, seeks to hide, to remain in the shadows. So that inadvertently others do not understand what flaws he has, what he hides, and so on.
After all, to look a person in the eyes is not only to notice him, but also to become visible to yourself.
Yes, and it means, albeit short, but contact, which may involve acquaintance, further communication.
Methods
If you can admit to yourself: “I can’t look people in the eye, but I’m ready to fight my fear,” then it’s time to act.
If you have been diagnosed with scopophobia or ommatophobia, you should definitely contact a psychotherapist or psychiatrist for treatment.
Since it is quite difficult to cope with a phobia on your own. The qualified help of experts is necessary.
The following methods are recommended to be performed as soon as you notice that you are experiencing anxiety, or as an adjunct, in combination with therapy.
Mirror
Imagine that you are an actor, remember a passage of a verse, a piece of a story, or come up with your own speech and, looking into the reflection, try to speak clearly, with expression.
Play with intonation, voice timbre. Pay attention to posture, facial expressions, gestures. Practice every day until you feel confident enough.
Remember this feeling when you are calm inside, so that you can rely on it in the future if you need to communicate with other people. And maybe, indeed, to speak in public.
When you like yourself in the reflection, and also note the most winning poses, appearing in society will not be so scary.
Staring game
Yes, for those who do not dare to face the interlocutor, this is not an easy task, and certainly not an easy, interesting game. But how can one learn to do this without trying to overcome fear?
Take care of your safety by asking the closest person to do you a favor.
Because taking risks and forcing yourself to meet eyes in a public place can lead to a panic attack.
When a person is so terrified that he loses control of his feelings and behavior. For example, he begins to suffocate, experiences heart pain, faints, and so on.
In general, the point is. It is necessary to sit opposite each other and first ask the partner to look away. Look at it for about five minutes.
Be sure to keep track of what is happening inside you, what feelings arise, thoughts, desires. The second part of the exercise is to switch roles and listen to your own feelings in the same way.
If necessary, write down on paper what you could track. In the future, this will allow you to notice the dynamics of the process, so to speak, of recovery. And also relieve excess stress and emotions.
And the last, third part. The most difficult. Now you look into each other’s eyes, silently, and try to convey some feeling with the help of a look. For example, love or, conversely, anger.
Your exercise partner will then share their experiences and insights. And you will understand whether you managed to be expressive enough to understand each other without words.
Viewer
You will again need the help of a friend. Ask him to mind his own business, letting you watch him. For example, how he works, puts himself in order, or just tells you something.
Imagine yourself in the place of the viewer, as if in front of you is an actor playing a role. Examine it carefully, remembering to listen to what is happening inside you.
First, pay attention to clothing, then his gestures, gait, gradually shifting your gaze to his face.
If you find it difficult to see directly through the eyes, try concentrating on his chin at first. The nose, bridge of the nose and a point on the forehead between the eyes are also suitable.
By the way, the game of being a spectator can also be played with people with whom you have not agreed on the rules in advance. When you learn to observe your loved ones without tension, try to repeat with others who are less familiar.
For example, sitting in a park on a bench, look closely at those who walk there. It is not necessary to force yourself to look directly into the eyes, as this will provoke even more anxiety.
Start in safer areas. Even if it takes you a month to look above the shoes of passers-by, it will still mean success.
Especially if you do not stop trying and continue to overcome obstacles further. Slowly, but surely.
Relaxation
How are they not afraid to look into the eyes of the interlocutor, if at that moment the whole person tenses up, shrinks, as if he is on alert, either to fight back, or to run away?
And I’ll tell you — no way. You need to learn to relax. Only then can you eventually feel the pleasure of eye contact with the interlocutor.
So to perform the exercise, sit comfortably, take 10 slow breaths and exhalations, concentrating on breathing, heartbeat.
If you notice tension in some part of the body, then try to increase it, strain, say, your arm even more, mentally count up to 10 and sharply relax it.
Do this procedure as needed until you realize that the muscles of the face and body really seem to be “softened”. Turn on any movie or program on TV, computer and focus on the eyes of some actor.
To begin with, train in this way, even if at the thought of having to look at a person in reality, anxiety arises, up to a panic attack.
So, focus on his eyebrows, then on one eye. Look for the point that causes the least anxiety. You will switch to it when communicating with people.
The main thing is not to forget about it when you experience anxiety. And in general, come up with a way for yourself that will calm you down and bring you back to reality.
Suppose, before leaving the house, put a thin elastic band on your hand, a monetary one is perfect for this purpose.
And every time you notice that you start to worry, to the point that you lose control over yourself, pull it back and let it go. Unpleasant sensations that arise will allow you to “come to your senses”, switch.
Recommendations
- Share with friends and loved ones what worries you. Unless, of course, they already know about your problem. By telling about your experiences to another person who is ready to listen and provide support, you legalize most of the tension that tends to accumulate, provoking the emergence of various diseases. Such is human psychology. Feelings have energy, which, finding no way out, has a destructive function, both for the body and for relationships with people around. It’s like boiling soup with the lid tightly closed. Sooner or later it will be demolished, literally blowing up, if you do not release steam from time to time.
- Use the method of positive affirmations. These are such positive statements that, by influencing a person at the subconscious level, help to get rid of complexes, fears. Changing his worldview, behavior, reactions, and so on.
- Review the day before bed. What was interesting about him, and maybe sad. What can you be proud of, what should you pay attention to in the future. Just try to conduct this analysis without evaluating, that is, without giving a general description. Moreover, do not blame yourself for the failures. It didn’t work out to meet the gaze of the interlocutor, note for yourself what exactly the difficulties were, what feelings and thoughts you encountered. Such an analysis will increase the level of awareness, identify patterns in behavior, which will subsequently facilitate the work on one’s own limitations.
- Practice meditation. It will help not only achieve a sense of inner harmony, but also increase the level of awareness. Because the whole process a person is concentrated on his feelings, he notices thoughts, not driving away, but simply watching how they appear and disappear. This approach is effective, especially when you need to make a decision, figure out how to deal with a problem, and so on. Relaxing the body and brain — insight, that is, insight, happens by itself.
Completion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! Finally, I would like to recommend that you definitely pay attention to your self-esteem. With self-confidence, it will become much easier to notice other people and meet their eyes.
Take care of yourself and be happy!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina