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Most of us dream of finding love and building the perfect relationship. If you believe films and books, you might think that lovers always do everything right and do not make mistakes. But in life everything is much more complicated. What obstacles are encountered on the way to a «happily ever after»?
Trite, but true: just finding “your” person is not enough — you need to work on relationships, take care of them, and be ready for self-sacrifice. Falling in love is very easy, but this is only the first stage.
“Life is not a fairy tale with a happy ending, and no one guarantees that everything will go smoothly in a relationship, financial stability will reign in the family and you will never quarrel,” emphasizes psychologist Britney Lindstrom. “The idea that a partner should be the perfect “soul mate” has destroyed many unions, even those that had great prospects.”
Love and relationships inevitably go through periods of ups and downs due to changes in the lives of partners, and it will take hard work to overcome the differences that arise. Here are three common misconceptions about love that often lead to breakups and broken hearts.
1. In love, everything is like in a fairy tale
Love inspires, it takes your breath away — but this same feeling can also cause monstrous pain. The suffering from a broken heart is felt quite clearly and, moreover, physically: a person feels a colossal heaviness in his chest, as if he was crushed by a concrete slab.
“The notion that love always leads to a happy ending is wrong,” Lindstrom says. “Love failures would not cause such terrible pain if we knew deep down in our hearts that everything would end well in the end.”
But no one can ever give such a guarantee, so leaving everything to the mercy of fate is a very bad idea. The belief that everything will somehow work itself out without any effort clouds our mind and creates a distorted idea of love.
2. Relationships are easy and simple
We change throughout life — this is our nature. This means that relationships will have to constantly adapt to these changes, and this will require effort. The hope that «love conquers all» can jeopardize the union: if this were true, there would be much less disputes, quarrels, partings and divorces.
To keep love and relationships «afloat», you will have to give this a lot of time and effort. Leaving everything to the mercy of fate, we doom the relationship to failure.
3. We have a «second half» — a person who suits us perfectly
Many are convinced that they will become full-fledged only by finding the perfect couple, a real “soul mate”. “Alas, the “second halves” do not always stay in our lives for a long time,” Lindstrom comments. “Sometimes they help us learn important lessons for ourselves, realize our true potential, which in the future will help us build a happy relationship with someone else.”
Soulmates gives us the opportunity to better understand our own strengths and weaknesses. But most importantly, they teach us the art of love without any conditions.
Yes, perhaps somewhere there is a person who could become an ideal couple for you, but you still shouldn’t count on love to the grave with him. Some lucky ones succeed, but in trying to find a partner who is perfect for you, you risk missing out on the chance to build a relationship with a good person.
Believing that only one person can be the perfect match for you, and all the rest are not suitable for you, can destroy a wonderful union. Indeed, why try to improve relations with your current partner if you believe that somewhere there is your “soulmate” with whom everything will be perfect without any effort?
About the Expert: Britney Lindstrom is a psychologist.