Today, everyone is so focused on themselves that anyone who shows sincere attention to others arouses a reciprocal interest. It is important for people to feel appreciated. And it’s not hard to show them.
1. Remember the name of the interlocutor
Perhaps you are one of those who say about yourself: “Oh, I’m so bad at remembering names.” This is nothing more than self-deception: the problem is not in memory, but in the lack of interest in a new acquaintance.
Therefore, it is so pleasant when the interlocutor calls us by name and remembers it at the next meeting, we immediately feel special. As Dale Carnegie said, “The sweetest and most important word for every person is his name.” So, if you want to make a good impression, make an effort on yourself and immediately keep it in your memory so that you don’t ask again later.
How to do it
The surest way to remember someone’s name, wrote Dale Carnegie, is to repeat it as soon as you hear it. For example: “Hi, I’m Maria” – “Maria, nice to meet you, I’m Anna.” It is especially important to do this if the name is rare or you are hearing it for the first time. In addition, completing the dialogue, you can say goodbye to the interlocutor in the same way.
2. Radiate positivity
Agree, there is already enough negativity in life: disturbing news, gloomy posts of friends on social networks, pessimistic people around. We talk to each other about bad things – about the weather, coronavirus, politics – already out of habit, knowing for sure that this will spoil the mood even more. Just because we don’t know what else to talk about.
Therefore, the one who shares something good with others creates a special atmosphere in the company. And others are drawn to him. Be that way, and even if people forget what you told them, they will remember how good it felt to be around you. Become the one next to whom it will be cozy, warm, light and joyful.
How to do it
When going to any meeting, event, whether it’s a party or a family dinner, prepare in advance. Read, reflect, stock up on good news and thoughts to share with others. You can tell your interlocutors about a good comedy you watched the other day, a new charity project, compliment them, admire their achievements.
You do not need to invent anything, it is enough to be sensitive and attentive to the world, to pay attention to the little things. Despite the difficult times, a lot of beautiful things are happening around. It’s just a matter of perspective, point of view.
3. Listen carefully
Many people like to talk, but few people love and know how to listen. We like to talk about ourselves, our feelings, share our news, achievements and views. But it is not often possible to meet sensitive and interested interlocutors – those who simply listen, without evaluation, condemnation and reciprocal stories from their lives.
As speaker and businessman Stephen Covey says, “Most people listen to you not to understand, but to respond. A collective monologue is when everyone is talking, but no one is listening.” That is why it is so important to learn to listen and hear – it strengthens any relationship. And in order to understand others, their problems and aspirations, you must first learn to understand yourself.
How to do it
When we want to be heard, we put in a lot of effort. So make the same effort to hear and understand the other. Allow the interlocutor to talk about himself without judging him and without waiting for his turn to speak in response. Concentrate on him and what he says. So you will learn much more not only about a particular person, but also about the world as a whole. The Dalai Lama said, “When you speak, you are only repeating what you already know. But by listening, you can learn something new.”
About the author: Sinem Gunel is a coach.