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These young mothers at the head of large families
They are not even 30 years old and are already taking care of the education of 3, 4 or even 5 children. This phenomenon is not new, but at a time when the average age of the first maternity is increasing each year, the choice of these young mothers is out of tune. How to explain this early desire to have a large family? The child psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Myriam Szejer enlightens us …
The large family as a model
While French women have an average of two children and the average age of first childbearing is 28, some young women decide to take this step long before, and renew the adventure without too much delay! A desire to build a large family, despite their young age, like Laura, who at 23 already had 3 children. “As soon as I met my husband at 17, I quickly wanted to have a baby. I was young, but I knew he was the man of my life. Two years later, we had our first child. I got pregnant from the second three months later, while I was back from diapers. It must be said that we were not taking our precautions, I wanted a second child. Motherhood had made me feel so fulfilled. ”
For the child psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Myriam Szejer, this precocious desire to have several children “occurs most often in people who themselves come from a large family and who have not suffered too much from it.. “They do not envision their life apart from the hubbub and large siblings. When they find a man with whom this desire can coincide, because he has the same story for example, they go for it. They reproduce their parental and family model. Their young age is not an obstacle for them ”. This phenomenon is also found among practicing Catholics, because of “the culture of the large family and the non-use of contraception ».
Some also choose to go against their family model. As the specialist explains: “People who were an only child sometimes suffered from loneliness during their childhood. Frustrated by this situation, they very quickly want to found a large family and not impose on their eldest child the fact of carrying, alone, their ideals of parents ”.
A refuge in the face of the crisis?
Statistics prove it, despite the economic crisis, the French are still having as many children. According to Myriam Szejer, the current situation, accentuating the impoverishment of the less well-off populations, pushes some to fall back more easily on a satisfaction to their measure: start a family despite a gloomy vision of the future. “Young and old alike focus on the intimate. They have this access to reproduction when everything else seems inaccessible to them. Because societal, career and political hopes are much less invested. ”
This echoes the latest data from INSEE and INSERM, recently presented by the Prem’up foundation at the 2013 Assises: younger pregnant women are often less educated but suffer the full brunt of the economic crisis. In addition, at the birth of their first child, mothers with no qualifications are three years younger than average and start building their families about five years before college graduates. Laura, she left the school circuit at 17, but now has a personal project: “It’s important for me to be able to develop myself professionally”.
A rebirth with every birth?
“As Professor René Frydman said, women are always in need of a child. Indeed, as long as they have not mourned their fertility, that is to say until menopause, they still want, even unconsciously, another baby. And this, after each pregnancy, ”explains Myriam Szejer. Laura confirms this: “I very quickly wanted a second child after giving birth”. Nevertheless, the specialist stresses that this desire present in almost all women is transformed, even is censored according to the history of each one. There are also all the secondary rationalizations (we do not have the means, one is enough…). In some, on the contrary, this desire is completely let go. There are women who only say they are happy when they are pregnant, have a baby at the breast, or are surrounded by little ones.
Give birth to exist otherwise? “It happens that young women want to have toddlers quickly in order to find social status, especially in relation to their own mother. This allows them to establish their position, their power over their own family: they are no longer the little girl and claim their adult status. “
Get help and preserve your relationship
“Having small children is exhausting. Daily life is much less heavy when they grow up or have a significant gap, ”emphasizes Myriam Szejer. “It is true that everyday life is sometimes grueling, especially the bickering, frequent with three children aged 6, 5 and 2. Moreover, for the fourth, we will wait a little longer, ”emphasizes Laura.
But young women have an advantage, they usually have more energy than an older mother. For the psychoanalyst, the role of the father is also essential. “It will be much easier if he supports her in the tasks. The social level also plays a role. Being financially supported matters a lot. ”
With our a large family, the couple is also put to the test. “It’s very intrusive. The main risk of these young siblings is to break the parents’ union. To survive, the couple must be solid and well helped, by the family in particular. Laura confides: “Our relatives often look after the children. It allows us to find each other and to breathe. Even if I do not regret anything, because it was each time a choice, I would advise young women to think carefully before starting a large family, not even 25 years old. It’s hard to fully enjoy your youth with three young children… ”