20 false beliefs that keep you from moving forward

Every day we deceive ourselves without noticing it. We believe that we are not worthy of something, that we are guilty of something, that we will never be able to do something … where do these false beliefs come from and how to deal with them? Psychologist Kristin Hammond explains.

My client Max’s life has been turned upside down yet again. In thirty years of adult life, he managed to divorce three times, have children with each of his wives, radically change careers five times and live in different regions of the country. Returning to his parents’ house for the fourth time, he realized that he needed to change.

For Max, this was a revelation. Previously, he always thought that his wives, children, jobs or houses and apartments should change. Now everything depended only on him, and he voluntarily went for a consultation with a psychologist.

The first thing Max encountered was his own destructive thoughts. These thoughts were once just opinions, which eventually turned into beliefs, and beliefs began to work as prophecies. The problem is that these beliefs were based on lies that Max held on to like a drowning man holding on to a lifeline. All this turned his life into chaos. And just like that, these false beliefs hurt so many of us every day.

1. “There was nothing.” Denial is the most powerful defense mechanism that allows you to actually erase traumatic events from memory. But even if we don’t remember something, it still influences decisions and life, striking at inopportune moments.

2. “It wasn’t all that bad.” Downplaying the problem doesn’t seem like such a terrible option because the person acknowledges that there is a problem. But trying to convince ourselves that it didn’t cause us violent emotions or cause serious injury ends up causing the repressed feelings to provoke an explosion.

3. “It’s just a disaster.” Making an elephant out of a fly is not a good idea. By deliberately inflating the significance of a small incident, uttered without malicious intent, a word or a fleeting feeling, we allow them to influence life.

4. “I was right about everything.” If the only adviser is yourself, you will not be able to look at the situation from the other side. You will be sure that your point of view is the only correct one, this will prevent you from finding a constructive solution.

5. “I’m good for nothing.” Such thoughts are the result of psychological trauma received between the ages of 6 and 12. Unexpressed pain can cause suffering throughout life.

6. “I’m the dumbest person in the world.” As a rule, this is someone else’s opinion, which becomes a personal belief. The source can be one of the parents, teachers, friends, partners. If a person is told many times that black is white, he will begin to believe.

7. “No one will ever love me.” Hidden shame, grief or guilt can convince a person that he is not worthy of anyone’s love. To fix this, you need to “dig out” the original cause of emotions.

8. “I can never love anyone again.” When the heart is broken, we are sure that we will not find a new love. But it’s not something we have to find, it’s something we can give to another person. No one can limit us in this, except ourselves.

9. “My life is terrible.” Everyone has ups and downs, good times or hard times, happy or sad days. The best days become those in contrast to the bad ones.

10. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” It often happens that all the actions of a person were “correct”, while the hidden motives of his actions were far from generally accepted human morality. Recognition of responsibility is an important step.

11. “It’s all my fault.” Taking on too much responsibility is also bad. You cannot be solely responsible for events or circumstances. This will be detrimental to personal development.

12. “I have no choice.” This is one of the most common false beliefs. In the most dire of circumstances, we have a choice. Another issue is that the options between which we choose may not be to our liking.

13. “I can’t control myself.” This is an attempt to justify one’s behavior, which a person considers unworthy. Often the phrase is used by people with addictions.

14. “It’s not my fault that I reacted this way.” By saying these words, we shift the responsibility for our actions to those around us who “provoked” us.

15. “I can’t help it.” It’s a way of convincing ourselves that our choices are limited to those that we secretly like. Only by recognizing that we can actually “do” something else will we discover new possibilities for ourselves.

16. “I need to have…” Anything can follow – the name of the person, the name of the new car, the amount of monthly income … the problem is that once we get voiced, we just need something else – we will never be happy enough.

17. “If only I…” The essence of such statements is that a person is trying to convince himself that he could influence the outcome of some events. But this is not always the case. Sometimes—and quite often—the result would still be the same no matter what we did.

18. “I can’t do anything.” For something to work, you need to make an effort. A lot of effort. Talent, of course, will help, if it is. But talent without effort is worth nothing.

19. “I don’t have a calling.” This is the scourge of modern society. We used to think that everyone should have a certain mission in order for life to be justified, worthwhile. But in fact, you can live a full and happy life, and at the same time seek your calling. Many already at the “sunset” of their professional life suddenly realize that they have found it a long time ago.

20. “I’ll never be good enough.” This belief is also a consequence of childhood trauma, usually received between the ages of 2 and 5 years. You can overcome this false belief by working through the trauma and finally believing in your own worth.

Faced with the false beliefs that plagued his life for years, Max was able to learn to counteract them. And this allowed him to begin to move forward, to a new life.


About the Expert: Kristin Hammond, Consultant Psychologist.

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