Olga Paratnova shared her experience in raising children. Olga has a lot to learn! She is a leader and coach with many years of experience. Together with her husband, they founded an ecovillage for large families with their own school and kindergarten. And finally, she is the mother of four children, the eldest of which is only 10 years old!
18 tips for raising children from Olga Paratnova
1. In order for the upbringing of children to become a pleasant, useful and expedient process for you, you must initially decide on the end point of upbringing and designate it with three epithets. What kind of children do you want to raise? It is important for parents to discuss this together! Remember that each family may have its own approach.
So, N.I. Kozlov says: “Positive, constructive, responsible! My children should be future employees of my firm who will continue my business better than me and lead my business. They have the same values as me.»
And for the family of Olga Paratnova, this is a Healthy, Conscious (Free from templates), Happy person!
2. To avoid infantilism in your children, even adults, use the following principles in education: “All the best for adults!”, “To be older is beneficial!”
Example: an older child can eat much more food than a younger one (for example, sausage and chocolate are sometimes allowed for an older child, but not for a younger one. And only adults can enter the attic, where there are a lot of interesting and exciting things, but small ones are not allowed !! !
3. To raise children healthy, teach them to pour water daily from an early age. Those who douse themselves are adults, and they have higher immunity, they can eat what children with low immunity (babies) cannot!
4. So that children willingly help you with the housework, bring them up according to the principle: “Housework is a reward!”. If you want to do something, but you are still small, go and persuade your brother to take you as an assistant!
5. Expand the mind of the child, observing the principle of «Total Yes». This means that if it’s “no” or “impossible” now, then say the situation and circumstances when or to whom it will be possible.
6. To speak convincingly with the child, and he then obeyed the parent, follow the following 3 rules:
- Speak calmly.
- Speak firmly.
- Show respect for your child.
7. To participate harmoniously in the development of the child, give him time in the following ways:
- do not make a small child «the navel of the earth», as is often done. No need for life to revolve around him!
A good picture: parents are doing an important thing, and the children are nearby. Then the child will adopt your habits and grow up correctly, realizing that adults are doing an important job. If a very small child asks to be held, then take him and go about your business with him. Thus, the child will feel that the parent is doing an important thing, and at the same time he is there, he cares.
- the older the child, the more attention and time he needs to pay, listen to his opinion, share his own.
8. To teach children to understand the importance and unconditional fulfillment of the duties of family members, including household chores, draw up a distribution of family responsibilities for each family member, including parents. Make it on sheets and hang it in a conspicuous place. Moreover, for children who cannot read, draw responsibilities.
It is important for children to see that parents have a lot of responsibilities! Young children see that adults have many responsibilities and this is also an opportunity for motivation! You can change responsibilities, negotiate.
Responsibilities in the family parents must prescribe themselves. This is different for every family!
9. So that children can organize themselves, and even as adults, teach them to strictly obey their parents! So you form in the child the inner parent or the strong-willed part of the character.
10. To accustom children to responsibility, order and discipline during your absence, appoint a «senior» person and announce to the children whom they should obey in your absence and who is responsible for them. It could be, for example, an older child! Use the possibility of situational seniority, that is, appoint any other child as senior in some situations, not necessarily the oldest in age, but the one who showed himself better than everyone else in this!
11. The ability to listen calmly, without accusations and reproaches, helps the parent to maintain trust and remain in the state of a friend for the child. This is how you form a channel of communication with the child, a tradition of talking and sharing everything. In order for the child to listen to your opinion, you simply listen and give recommendations as if to yourself: “But in this situation I would do this, and in this situation, like this.”
12. If you want to involve a nanny, including grandparents, in the upbringing of children, then draw up an instruction document that spells out how and in what situation the nanny should behave.
For example, if the child fell, Olga recommends that the nanny inform the nanny in a calm voice: “You fell, get up, dust yourself off and go for a walk,” that is, keep calm yourself and give the child clear steps that should be taken in such a situation.
13. When choosing a model for the development of a child, it is important to pay attention to and develop what works worse for a child until the age of 8. For example, a boy is soft in character — we are leading to martial arts.
And after 8 years, to help unlock the potential of what the child does best. This will allow you to avoid disagreements about the choice of additional classes, because it is always interesting to do what you do best! In addition, there is a possibility that it will develop into something more. And he can take it into adulthood.
14. The right attitude to your things in life, the understanding of their value is helped by a correctly built attitude to toys. That is, when choosing the number of toys, be guided by how carefully, carefully and interestedly the child approaches them! If he can remove one toy, add more. Can handle two, add more.
15. Teaching a child to order in a room is easy if he gets his own room only when he proves that he is able to keep it clean, because he is an adult! Up to this point, children use common rooms. At the same time, there is a clear picture of what order should be! Clean up with your child and take a photo, hang it in a conspicuous place. Designate a day of the week when the children clean up their rooms and then check these photos. Find 10 differences! Those who do not have a room are responsible for small areas in the house. For example, the place where their toys are located.
16. In order for children to form the habit of properly communicating at the table, forbid any negativity and talk about nothing. Start a tradition of eating together. A peaceful, measured, sincere conversation is welcome. The topic of conversation is often asked by parents.
17. To bring up positive, constructive and responsible children, create weekly family councils. For this:
A) select the day of the week, time and place where it would be most convenient to meet,
B) establish rules about the issues that are discussed at it, who has the right to vote, and who can make proposals.
So, in Olga Paratnova’s family, family council meetings go something like this:
- Be sure the family council begins with thanks, that is, everyone thanks those whom they consider necessary for the past week.
- Then everyone expresses wishes to each other, that is, what they would like to improve in someone close, what they could do better themselves. Moreover, children speak out against their parents.
- Questions that concern adults are not submitted to the family council!
- Those who are over 7 years old have the right to vote in resolving issues that affect the interests of children (for example, where will we go to travel?)
- Everyone can discuss, but vote according to age!
- It is impossible to be against without appropriate argumentation.
From the age of 7, children set goals for themselves, discuss them at the family council and start a notebook where they write down everything important to achieve this goal and describe how they achieve it.
18. Form such a circle of communication between children and your family, which would contribute to the support and education of your values in them!
So, Olga Paratnova and her associates, 120 km from Moscow, created a settlement for large families Yasnaya Sloboda.
You can read more and participate in its development here: yasnasloboda.ru