Contents
- 1. We arm ourselves with patience
- 2. We give it clear time references
- 3. We get used to falling asleep on our own in bed as soon as possible.
- 4. We don’t let anxiety overcome
- 5. We don’t let him invest the marital bed
- 6. We put it to bed at 20 pm, it’s the right time
- 7. He is told that it is almost time to sleep
- 8. We don’t skip naps
- 9. We spot sleep disruptors
- 10. We delegate the sunsets that drag on to daddy!
- 11. We don’t stress if he cries a little
- 12. We invent our own bedtime rituals
- 13. We reassure him when he has nightmares
- 14. We don’t wait, we change bad habits as soon as possible
- 15. We do not hesitate to consult if it lasts
1. We arm ourselves with patience
We all dream of a “super baby” settled on the way home from maternity, but newborns wake up on average twice a night and it takes at least three months for them to sleep through the nights. Even if you are physically and psychologically hyper tired, fully adapt to its pace and demand. Over the weeks, the night’s sleep ranges will lengthen. If your baby sleeps four to five straight hours a night at 3 months, that’s great! Around 6 months, he will pass at the rate of 10 hours of night sleep and 6 hours of nap during the day.
2. We give it clear time references
To help your baby sleep well, help your baby see the difference between day and night. Impose regular rhythms for the activities of the day, toilet, meals, naps, games, walks, bedtime. After feeding him on demand for the first few weeks, regulate his feeding on family schedules. Around 4 months, to eliminate night bottles, allow six to eight hours to elapse between the last bottle of the evening and the first bottle of the morning. Living in regular cycles from the first few months will allow your little one to acquire good basic emotional security, which will allow him to sleep well.
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“I thought she would be afraid of the dark, like me!” “
Little girl, I couldn’t stand sleeping in the dark. My bedroom door had to be open to the hallway lit and my little glowworm-shaped nightlight to reassure me. Later I had a flashlight in my bed. Even today, I never fall asleep in complete darkness and I hate closed shutters. So, I never let Mathilde sleep in the dark when she was a baby. I imagined she would be afraid of the dark like me, but not at all! On the contrary, my daughter asks me to draw her curtains well before going to sleep because the morning light bothers her… Too strong! “
Sophie, mother of Mathilde, 4 years old.
3. We get used to falling asleep on our own in bed as soon as possible.
You surely preferred to put your baby’s bed in the same room as you for the first few months, but around 3-4 months, you can put him in his room. Notably because he can sleep perfectly on his own and physical proximity can disrupt his sleep. Because even if he seems to be sleeping soundly, his senses are active and he perceives your breathing, the light, your comings and goings, your smell, your breath. As soon as he expresses the desire to sleep – yawns, blinking eyelids, rubbing of the eyes, vague gaze – lay him in his bed, on his back and awake. Get your child used to falling asleep on his own, confidently and willingly: this is essential learning that must start early. Do not wait until he falls asleep to leave the room because this bad habit can last for years and ruin many evenings.
4. We don’t let anxiety overcome
A mother confronted with a child who sleeps badly can quickly feel responsible … It’s a vicious circle, he does not sleep enough, you get stressed, he feels your stress, he sleeps even less! Suddenly, you feel guilty, you are sure to be a bad mother and the troubles are growing! To get out of this infernal circle, believe in your ability to be a good mother and stay zen at bedtime. Don’t be anxious, sleeping is not a punishment, it’s a pleasure! For a child to sleep peacefully and for a long time, he must feel that he is safe and that his mother is serene to know that he is asleep alone in his bed. Be confident and firmly convinced that sleep is good for him, and he in turn will fall asleep with confidence.
5. We don’t let him invest the marital bed
At 15-20 months, it is not uncommon for a child to ask to fall asleep in the parents’ bed or to join them in the middle of the night because he knows how to get out of bed. The prospect of being alone or in the dark of the night scares him. And you, don’t you hate the idea of cuddling him and keeping him close for the night? Tell yourself that even if it is he who requests it, he responds more to the needs of the adult than to his own. In the first two years, childhood sleep disorders are generally linked to separation problems, to the difficulties that some mothers have in detaching from their young. From the age of 2, infantile sleep disorders can be linked to conflicts in the couple. If the child understands that no negotiation is possible, he will stop his attempts to invade the parental bed. Of course, this principle can be “broken” if he has a fever or has a nerve-racking nightmare. But by telling him that it is exceptional.
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6. We put it to bed at 20 pm, it’s the right time
Going to bed between 20 and 21 p.m. maximum is a good habit to take until the end of kindergarten. Don’t let yourself be manipulated. If he objects, make him stick to the schedules and get into bed, except on weekends when he can stay up a little later. From 2 years old, let him watch albums and play calmly in his bed if he does not fall asleep right away.
7. He is told that it is almost time to sleep
A toddler is unaware of the passage of time and to keep bedtime happy, let your child know that “bedtime” is coming. This announcement allows him to prepare for the separation, to eventually finish a game started. Always use the same words, the same magic formula of the sleep, because the feeling of security in a toddler is based on the repetition, the routines, which is already known.
8. We don’t skip naps
The idea that a child sleeps less at night if he takes an afternoon nap is totally false. On the contrary, those who skip the nap are so exhausted and excited in the evening that they have a hard time going to bed and have a bad night. Up to the age of 4, 4 and a half, a little one has a vital need to take an afternoon nap break (from one year old, he no longer takes a nap in the morning). It does not need to be long, the older ones can even lie down and rest without sleeping. However, avoid naps too close to evening bedtime, so that it does not interfere with falling asleep.
9. We spot sleep disruptors
The life of a child is not a quiet river and many factors can lead to difficulty falling asleep, restless sleep, night awakenings. A frenetic rhythm of activities during the day, the acquisition of a skill (weaning, walking, cleanliness, language …), any significant change that occurs in his life (moving, new nanny, entering a crèche , vacation) are events that disrupt their sleep. The fears, anger, conflicts, violent emotions experienced during the day, the marital disputes to which he is the witness and which are revisited at night while sleeping, the vagaries of the period of opposition also cause untimely nocturnal awakenings. If your child is confronted with any of these occasional difficulties, reassure them and make efforts to make the family atmosphere cooler.
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10. We delegate the sunsets that drag on to daddy!
If your little one doesn’t fall asleep before 22 p.m. (or later) or wakes up in the middle of the night, call Dad to the rescue. Father and mother do not have the same tolerance threshold for crying, they will not give them the same meaning and will not have the same confidence in their child’s ability to fall asleep. For him, it’s usually easier to say to a little recalcitrant: “Now you sleep in your bed. Your mom and I need to sleep at night. We are tired, you must not disturb us. We are right next door and we will meet again tomorrow morning. “Or to go and console him for five minutes at night, to say tenderly but firmly:” It’s over, now you sleep. I will not come back ! “
11. We don’t stress if he cries a little
Once you have done all the evening rituals, being able to put your child to bed even if he cries a little is one way to help him grow up. If he whines a little at the time of the evening parting, leave him alone and he will fall asleep. Don’t stick your ears behind the door, don’t come back five minutes later to see if he’s asleep. If he wakes up between two sleep cycles, do not intervene and he will go back to sleep.
12. We invent our own bedtime rituals
Small rituals at bedtime tell the child that it is time to separate, but that we are with him, even if we are not by his side. Talk to him, cuddle, kiss, sing nursery rhymes, tell stories long enough for your child to soak up your voice, smell, warmth and “recharge” enough in the mother or father presence to be able to face the night without you. Before 6 months, a little one needs hugs, kisses and lullabies, much more pleasant than the musical mobile which can excite by its movement. From one year old, in addition to hugs, talk about what your child has done during the day. From 18 months, tell him a story or two, not thirty-six. Stay for ten minutes, enough time to say goodnight to each other and remind you that we will meet again the next morning for a new day.
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13. We reassure him when he has nightmares
The bad dream period begins around 3 years old. There is nothing wrong with having nightmares. If your child wakes up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, sit by his side, console him, explain to him that the wolf or the witch does not exist for real, that you are there, in the next room, that he can safely go back to sleep. Do not take him out of bed to hug him. Above all, do not let him get back to your bed, because he could quickly get used to it and you would have a hard time going back… Do not plan an extra bed to fall asleep next to him! It is important that a child can manage his fears of the night, so he gains self-confidence. The next morning, you can help your child overcome these mini-traumas by asking him to tell you about them and to draw the ugly characters who terrorize his nights, without trying to interpret them or, worse, pretend that he doesn’t. nothing happened.
14. We don’t wait, we change bad habits as soon as possible
Sleep is a basic need and it is your role as parents to give your little one sleep cash. A child who does not get enough sleep will exhibit mood and behavioral disturbances, learning difficulties, restlessness and hyperactivity. If you are convinced that it cannot continue like this and that new rules need to be put in place, it will work. Don’t let bedtime and the endless “Five more minutes, a story, a glass of water, etc.” »Last more than half an hour, show yourself intractable. Stay the course and if he cries at night, wait 2 or 3 minutes before moving to his room, the next time five minutes, then seven … If he comes into your room, bring him back to his immediately: ” We’re here, don’t worry. But you, you sleep in your bed. If he feels he is hitting a solid line and that his parents are at peace, he will eventually agree to sleep peacefully.
15. We do not hesitate to consult if it lasts
If your child has been sleeping poorly for several weeks or even months, if his nightmares, nocturnal awakenings and bedwetting are repeated, if the sleep disorder is accompanied by a lack of appetite, regurgitation, a change in character, hyperactivity or, on the contrary, apathy, if you can’t take it anymore, if you have the feeling that you have tried everything to no avail and if the life of the whole family is disrupted, it is better to consult. Talk to your general practitioner, pediatrician, pediatric nurse at the PMI, who will solve the problem with simple educational rules, a reframing. If that is not enough, a specialized consultation with a clinical psychologist, child psychiatrist or psychoanalyst will be preferable. Any sleep problem has its solution, everything can be sorted out, any child can sleep properly, provided they get help.
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