15 steps to mental resilience

Many people, faced with difficult trials, consider themselves not strong enough to cope with them. You can often hear from them: “Of course, she overcame it, she is strong, but I can’t do that.” In fact, the belief that high psychological stability is given to someone from birth is incorrect. People who cope with failures, painful breakups and other blows of fate with confidence were not born with an unbending character and will of steel — they became that way. And this is within the power of each of us.

Psychologists define resilience as the ability to bounce back from setbacks and adapt easily to change. This quality can and should be developed, and 15 steps will help you with this.

1. Maintain a healthy relationship

It doesn’t matter who it is — family members, friends or acquaintances from the support group that you contacted with your problem. It is important that communication is based on mutual trust, care and desire to help each other. Discussing problems helps to understand that we will not be left alone with difficulties and that other people have also experienced or are experiencing something similar right now.

When we know that we can lean on loved ones, this creates a sense of security, and the level of psychological resilience increases.

2. Face life’s challenges head on

Don’t deny what’s happening. Day by day, step by step, do what you can to cope with the difficulties.

3. Believe that the problem can be solved

We can’t control everything, but we can definitely control our reactions. Praise yourself for the steps you take to overcome difficulties or crises. Trust that you can handle the problem. Remind yourself of past victories — for sure, something unpleasant has already happened in life that you were able to cope with.

Think of yourself as someone who can solve problems. Let the difficult times be an opportunity to prove it to yourself.

4. Develop problem-solving skills and go to the goal

Don’t let problems that seem insurmountable at first glance stop you from moving forward. Think about what you can do right now to start dealing with the situation. Make a list of options for action, but do not try to find the perfect solution that will satisfy all the criteria, just generate ideas.

When you complete the list, describe each item in a little more detail: what exactly will you do in this case, where will you start, what consequences are possible. Choose the most realistic option and start working on it. If it doesn’t work, choose another one. This approach may seem banal, but the effectiveness will surprise you.

5. Take action

Instead of becoming indecisive or procrastinating, take a step forward. Divide the plan into small steps so that it does not seem complicated and impossible. Start small. Don’t worry about tomorrow, live now. Think of yourself not as a victim, but as a fighter — resilient and unbending.

6. Accept change as part of life

As time goes by, some of the dreams and plans we have cherished may become unrealistic. It hurts to admit it. But instead of regretting what didn’t come true, it’s better to direct your energy to something else that can be done now or in the future.

“When one door closes, another opens. But we look at the closed door for so long and with such regret that we don’t notice the one that opened,” these words of Alexander Graham Bell are the best suited to this situation. Practice flexibility and the ability to see events in a new light.

7. Accept negative emotions

No one was promised at birth that life would always be easy and pleasant. Allow yourself to experience the full range of emotions. One of the signs of high psychological stability is the ability to empathize with oneself, to accept moments of sadness, anger, fear and anxiety. These emotions are natural. You don’t need to dwell on them, but you shouldn’t deny them either: by living them, we learn to adapt to life.

8. Maintain your internal locus of control

People with high psychological stability believe in the importance of what they do. They take responsibility for their actions and their consequences. People with an external locus of control, on the other hand, blame others or circumstances for their failures.

This approach to life is depressing, disappointing and burdensome. Each choice affects the development of events, so it’s time to take responsibility.

9. Think about how wrestling will help you

Overcoming difficulties, we develop and grow. Situations affect different qualities of a person: some teach self-compassion, others — to be aware of efficiency. Maybe as a result you have learned to be more grateful for life? Ask: “What is the situation teaching me?”

Even if it seems incredible now, perhaps in the future you will be grateful for who you have become in the process of overcoming difficulties.

10. Put problems in perspective

Respond to difficult situations adequately: if you feel that a minor problem seems catastrophic, try to look at the situation differently. Ask yourself: “Will this matter to me in five years?” Unnecessary experiences can knock you off your feet and undermine your ability to solve problems.

11. Look to the future with hope

Strive for an optimistic and realistic point of view. Instead of the darkest scenario, imagine the most favorable one. Being an optimist does not mean ignoring problems or taking them lightly. It means believing that everything will turn out well in the end.

12. Take care of yourself

It’s easier to get through tough times if you’re physically and emotionally fit. Healthy eating, sleep, sports and recreation are recommended by a variety of experts for a reason. For some, meditation or prayer helps to cope with stress, for others, playing with pets, walking in nature or an evening with friends. Do what makes you happy and helps you relax.

13. Find a balance between outside help and your own resources

There is nothing wrong with asking for help in times of need. But completely relying on others and falling into dependence on them prevents us from learning to cope with problems.

14. Say no to self-destruction

Alcohol, drugs, gambling, overeating do not help solve problems. By resorting to these means, we only briefly pretend that there are no problems. In fact, the difficulties will not only remain, but will also get worse — addiction, health and money problems will be added to them. And then there will be less strength to overcome difficult situations.

15. Set short and long term goals

If you fill every day with meaning, it will be easier for you to overcome difficulties. In some cases, you will even be able to use your experience to help other people in a difficult situation.

To develop psychological resilience, you will have to work on yourself and change many habits. But only difficulties make stronger.