Contents
- 1. Study yourself
- 2. Decide what is valuable to you, what you believe in
- 3. Determine what is the basis of your personality
- 4. Trust yourself
- 5. Consider the reasons for your behavior
- 6. Remember that everything is relative.
- 7. Never talk bad about yourself.
- 8. Don’t Let Others Criticize Your Personality
- 9. Remember that sometimes failures and disappointments are good.
- 10. Avoid situations in which you feel uncomfortable and people with whom you do not want to communicate.
- 11. Give yourself time to relax.
- 12. In practice, be a social creature
- 13. Don’t overprotect your ego.
- 14. Define long-term goals in life and choose near ones very carefully.
- 15. Remind yourself that only bad things should always happen to you.
Recommendations of the leading researcher of the problem of shyness psychologist Philip Zimbardo. One of his central ideas is that a person, through his active actions, is able to help himself overcome the feeling of self-abasement.
One of the most famous modern psychologists, Philip Zimbardo was perhaps the first to seriously begin to study such a common and such a painful problem as shyness.
He founded a special clinic (The Shyness Clinic) in California, where adults and children are helped to overcome shy behavior. In addition, Zimbardo has published several books on shyness that have become world bestsellers.
Here are some ideas he suggests for those who would like to learn how to deal with shyness.
1. Study yourself
Realize your strengths and weaknesses and set worthy goals for yourself.
2. Decide what is valuable to you, what you believe in
Weigh your options and decide how you would like to see yourself. Make an inventory of your scenarios in the repository and relate them to today, to your current psychological state, so that these scenarios do not control you, but help you live.
3. Determine what is the basis of your personality
By analyzing your own past, determine what personal connections and decisions made made you live the way you do. Try to understand and forgive those who offended you and did not help when you needed it, forgive yourself for your mistakes, sins, failures and past hesitations.
Constantly bury all negative memories, but only after you carefully extract everything useful for yourself from them. Remember — as long as bad memories live in you, they own you. Move them out immediately. Populate the memory room with past successes, even if they are few.
4. Trust yourself
Guilt and shame, by shaping our behavior by diverting you from positive goals, limit creativity. Self-confidence is a must.
5. Consider the reasons for your behavior
Examine how shyness manifests itself in the physical, social, economic and political aspects of your current situation, but not in terms of your personal shortcomings.
6. Remember that everything is relative.
How many people — so many opinions. Remind yourself that there is always an alternative point of view on everything. «Reality» has never been anything other than a partial agreement of people to call things by the same words, and not as everyone would like to call them according to their own ideas. Understanding this will allow you to be more tolerant in interpreting other people’s intentions and more generous in understanding the motives of other people’s behavior.
7. Never talk bad about yourself.
Especially beware of such offensive words and categorical assessments as «stupid», «freak», «nerd», «loser», «incorrigible person».
8. Don’t Let Others Criticize Your Personality
Only your actions can become the subject of discussion. Don’t be afraid of feedback — it can be very constructive.
9. Remember that sometimes failures and disappointments are good.
In some cases, incredible efforts are spent on the wrong goals, and then, by teaching us a vital lesson in time, failures allow us to avoid much greater disappointments.
10. Avoid situations in which you feel uncomfortable and people with whom you do not want to communicate.
If you cannot change the state of affairs or adjust your own reaction, leave before your own inferiority complex begins to develop in you. Life is too short to waste time on sadness.
11. Give yourself time to relax.
Set aside a period of time to relax, listen to yourself, enjoy hobbies and activities that you can do alone. In this way, you can communicate with yourself.
Rejoice in the energy that other people radiate, rejoice in the unique qualities and versatility of your brothers and sisters. Imagine what fears and doubts they may have and how you can now help them. Understand why you need them and what you need to give them. Also, recognize yourself as willing to share.
13. Don’t overprotect your ego.
It is more solid and cheerful than you think. It bends but doesn’t break. It is much better to feel pain in the soul from time to time because you did not act in the best way than to avoid pain at the cost of emotional dullness.
14. Define long-term goals in life and choose near ones very carefully.
Develop a realistic plan to achieve short-range goals. Evaluate your progress regularly and be the first to pat yourself on the back or whisper a warning to yourself. There is no need to worry that you are not modest enough if no one hears your bluster.
15. Remind yourself that only bad things should always happen to you.
You are not like a grasshopper who has to keep jumping around to avoid being stepped on. You are the crown of millions of years of evolution of our species, the crown of your parents’ dreams and God’s plans. You are a unique individual, an active actor on the stage of life, able to have a direct impact on events. You can change the whole course of your life if you want to. If you have self-confidence, then the troubles will turn into challenges thrown to you by life, and the challenges will turn into victories.
Source: F. Zimbardo. «Shyness. What is it and how to deal with it.