If the previous partner was narcissistic and selfish, we are easily charmed by a vulnerable and seemingly modest man. Against the background of his predecessor, who did not care about anything but himself, he looks like a gift of fate. But even here there are pitfalls.
At first it seems that this is luck. He gives flowers, arranges romantic dates, cannot take his eyes off you and repeats that he did not deserve such a beautiful woman, or that he does not understand why he deserved you.
But rather quickly this charm is replaced by other feelings. Care and love turn into an obsession, relationships begin to tire, sometimes it can be scary. Self-doubt can manifest itself in different ways. The 15 most common signs:
1. He has no other life. All his interests, activities and hobbies are built around you and the relationship. He is not friends with colleagues, but wants to spend every evening with you, even if you yourself were going to see your friends that evening. He perceives work as a duty and no longer does anything. He has no hobbies or aspirations for anything other than spending free time next to you, preferably just the two of you so that you are not distracted by anyone else.
2. He is convinced that you are still thinking about the former, without a reason. And no matter how long ago you broke up with him, he will seek out or invent evidence that you still have feelings for your ex. He cannot believe that you are interested in the current relationship, because he is not worthy of you.
3. Starts talking about love too quickly. Literally after a couple of dates, he begins to talk about how you turned his head and what an avalanche of feelings hit his heart. At first, this may be flattering, but you will soon realize that this is strange, because you don’t know each other very well.
4. The intensity of feelings rolls over. He is convinced that you are the main thing in his life, something for which he is ready to live. This feeling can be very pleasant, but sooner or later you will get tired. This is too big a responsibility to not take on.
5. He constantly asks if you love him. Being insecure, he needs constant confirmation of your feelings. He grabs any crumbs of attention with unhealthy enthusiasm and falls into melancholy if it seemed to him that you were not as disposed towards him as before. The need for confirmation can arise at any time, whether you are at work, at an important meeting. If you send a message from a spaceship with the words «I love you», he will not believe you 100%. Because he doesn’t deserve your love.
6. He is jealous of your acquaintances. It’s not about jealousy of other men, although this can not be avoided either. An insecure man will be jealous of your relatives, girlfriends and colleagues. If you went to rest in the company without him, he will begin to harass you with messages and calls, demanding with all his behavior that you pay attention to him, and not to those with whom you are now spending time. You may even like it at the beginning of a relationship, but then you will realize that it makes it impossible to communicate normally with those who are dear to you.
7. He threatens to break up. No, not directly. He will plaintively say that it seems to him that you have cooled off towards him. It seems to him that you are no longer so gently and joyfully meeting him from work, that you no longer want him so. And if that’s the case, it’s probably better for you to leave. This is a manipulation designed to make you feel guilty. And the feeling of guilt will force you to show your love with all your might, to prove your feelings. And sooner or later it will hit you so hard that you will throw his things out the door and him at the same time.
8. He constantly complains about ex-girlfriends. None of them really loved him, none cared for him, all of them betrayed and used him. And they quit as soon as a better option turned up. Divide all these stories by ten, preferably fifty, otherwise pity will keep you close to him for too long.
9. He follows your social media updates. Once you post something, he is already in the know and will be the first to like and write a comment. Have you commented on someone? He will like the comment or reply to it. Like all the previous points, this manner will become annoying very quickly. And, most likely, you will be embarrassed in front of everyone who sees it.
10. He wants to know with whom and what you are talking about. If you are chatting with someone, he will try to stand next to you and look at the screen. He can unobtrusively ask who called you and what the conversation was about, or ask for your phone password under a fictitious pretext. And even if you just watch funny videos about talking cats on your phone, this will not lull his vigilance — what if this video was sent to you by a secret admirer?
11. Gives gifts and compliments too often. This may also be too much. At first, this attitude is pleasantly surprising, but then it begins to look like an attempt to “bribe” you so that you stay with him and not go to someone else. After all, the other will not pamper you like that.
12. Suspects you of treason. He makes wild assumptions about non-existent love affairs. Both a colleague and a casual seller in a store can fall under suspicion. He sees competitors everywhere and has no doubt that you will succumb to the temptation — any other man will be better than him.
13. He wants you to be with him always. Of course, everyone likes to feel needed, but there is a reasonable limit to this. He wants you to be with him, not at work, even if you love her. Meetings with relatives and friends will also annoy him. Each time he will report how bad he is without you, asking: “Maybe you won’t go? Come back soon, I feel bad without you.
14. He cannot stand criticism. If you tried to give a constructive comment to help in some way, it will be taken as a stab in the back. He is already unsure of himself, and here you confirm your worst fears with criticism. Your good intentions will turn into the fact that you will be to blame for everything.
15. His happiness depends entirely on you. In a relationship, it is important to consider the needs of a partner. But his needs will be too great: you will have to radiate happiness and joy around the clock. Because if you are happy and content, he is also happy and content. But if you are busy at work, sick or sad, he will feel very bad. And you will feel that you have to be happy every minute of every day. Not because you really feel good, but for his sake. Are you sure you need it?