How do you feel when you watch a news release about a terrorist attack or natural disaster? Does your soul ache for the victims? Empathy is the ability to empathize, to understand the feelings and thoughts of another person, to look at the world through his eyes. And this skill can be developed.
“Empathy is the ability to resonate with the feelings of another. When we meet a joyful person, we smile. Seeing a sufferer, we suffer with him,” says Mathieu Ricard, a Buddhist monk who is called the happiest person in the world.
The ability to empathize enriches relationships with others. When we understand the experiences of others, we can develop a deeper connection with them. Our interlocutor will definitely feel that we accept him as he is.
It is important for him to see that we really understand him, and not just rush to reassure, encourage or advise something. The very presence and “tuning” to the feelings of a counterpart can support him, but you should not say phrases like “Everything will be fine!” After all, how do we know whether it will?
Some have a natural ability to empathize more than others (for example, narcissists lack it), but other factors also affect the ability to empathize. For example, we are more likely to feel empathy for those who seem like us, as well as for those who, we believe, behave ethically.
Experiments have shown that even brief empathy training can produce results. What we can do on our own to cultivate this important skill:
1.When asking someone how they are doing, pay close attention to their response, both verbal and non-verbal. Often, body language and tone of voice say more than words.
2. If he says “It’s okay” or gives another short answer, ask a clarifying question: “No, seriously, what’s going on with you?”
3.Listen not only with your mind, but also with your hearttrust your intuition. Empathy is mental work.
4.Focus on the conversation, don’t try to do other things. Put your phone away, make eye contact, and take an open posture (don’t cross your arms).
5.Try to understand what his words and experiences mean to the interlocutor., and let him come to his own conclusion without imposing his opinion.
6.Don’t draw attention to yourself, for example, telling how you would have acted in a similar situation.
7.Show the interlocutor that you hear him and empathize with him. For example, you can retell what you understood from his words: “I understand everything – you really wanted to succeed in this job, but you got fired, you are terribly upset and do not know how you can make ends meet.” His reaction will allow you to check whether you really understood his condition correctly.
8.Remember that you can take the opinion of the interlocutor seriously and respectfully, even if you don’t agree with it.
9.Develop curiosity about people. Try to imagine the person’s past experience, think about how he came to his current habits and lifestyle, what he wants most of all. In other words, try to put yourself in his place. Reading fiction with well-developed characters will also help you learn to see the world from a different perspective.
10Start conversations with strangers, for example, in line at the store. Be curious, try to learn something new. Try to notice in time if a stranger is not in the mood to talk, respecting his feelings, you also show empathy.
11Expand your social circle. The goal is to learn to better understand people from different social circles. Avoid hasty judgments and stereotypes. First of all, look for something in common with new acquaintances, and then look at the differences.
12Pay attention to your own emotional reactions and body language during conversation. Does your heart start beating? Are you feeling uplifted or are you having a hard time? Observe this with the same compassion you show for others.
13Practice being less self-absorbed and pay more attention to the immediate environment: people, buildings, cars, parks, sounds. Imagine yourself as a detective gathering information.
14Look for opportunities to volunteer. There are so many people around who need help! By volunteering, you can learn a lot about those categories of people that you might not have even thought about before. By developing empathy, you can help alleviate the suffering of others and heal the wounds of the soul in a world that lacks empathy and kindness.