Contents
- 1. Appeal to emotions
- 2. Reliance on the “opinion of the majority”
- 3. Black and white thinking
- 4. Unsubstantiated claims
- 5. Flattery and fake compliments
- 6. Distrust of the words of the interlocutor
- 7. Labeling
- 8. False Compromises
- 9. Empty promises
- 10. Quotes taken out of context
- 11. Ridicule
- 12. Intimidation of consequences
- 13. Branding of opponents
- 14. Using template phrases
The point of a narcissist’s life is to always win – and usually at the expense of others. For the sake of achieving the goal, many of them are ready for anything. Psychotherapist Dan Newhart lists the main tactics and techniques they use.
Narcissists distort reality by misinforming, oversimplifying, ridiculing and sowing doubt. Many of them are fluent in the classical techniques of mind manipulation. To resist this manipulation, it is important to think critically and recognize in time the methods by which they consciously or unconsciously distort reality. Here are 14 of the most common manipulation and control tactics narcissists use.
1. Appeal to emotions
Narcissists try to get others to give in to emotions (fear, guilt) instead of thinking logically. By appealing to emotions, they try to pass off false statements as truth. Since they are generally inclined to throw tantrums and scandals, this turns out to be very natural for them.
Example: “How dare you argue with me! After everything I’ve done for you!”
2. Reliance on the “opinion of the majority”
They try to force others to comply, because “everyone does it.” Narcissists are well aware of the mob power phenomenon. For them, the number of “likes” on social networks and other indicators of popularity are incredibly important. A large number of subscribers, friends or followers helps them feel their own value. They use the power of groupthink and the pressure of the collective to their advantage, making it clear that anyone who goes against them risks being an outcast.
Example: “By the way, all your friends agree with me.”
3. Black and white thinking
These people present the situation as if there are only two choices, they view the world in terms of “yes” and “no”. Subtleties and semitones are inaccessible to them. They operate on the principle of “Divide and Conquer”.
Example: “You are either with me or against me.”
4. Unsubstantiated claims
Narcissists believe that they do not need to prove their point of view, on the contrary, it is the opponents who will have to work hard to refute it. They also like to take credit for other people’s accomplishments, but they don’t want to take responsibility for themselves.
Example: “I know for sure that I am right. This is true until proven otherwise.
5. Flattery and fake compliments
Such people love any compliments and are sure that others love them in the same way, and therefore they flatter them in order to convince them that they are right.
Example: “I still couldn’t manipulate you – you’re too smart for that.”
6. Distrust of the words of the interlocutor
Not understanding what the interlocutor is saying, narcissists often pretend that what is said is simply absurd and not worth discussing. In this way they try to brush aside well-founded objections.
Example: “Do you really think other husbands are better than me? Do you think that other wives receive from their husbands even a small fraction of what I give you? You have no idea about the real world!”
7. Labeling
Narcissists love to label people they don’t like or ideas they don’t agree with. In a word, they seem to humiliate the other and cross out everything he said. This gives them a sense of power.
Example: “You always need something. You’re just a loser.”
8. False Compromises
They like to offer a “compromise” solution in situations in which it is possible to act either fairly or unfairly. “Compromise” then turns out to be just a lesser injustice.
Example: “Okay, you won. I’ll pay you back $50 of the $100 you borrowed, and we’re even. It’s better than nothing!”
9. Empty promises
Narcissists easily make promises without intending to keep them.
Example: “Your turn will come. Promise”.
10. Quotes taken out of context
These people often repeat what the interlocutor said, taking his words out of context and thus trying to discredit him and force him to make excuses.
Example: “You always said that people should be responsible for themselves, so when the ambulance took me to the hospital, I thought that you don’t need my help.”
11. Ridicule
With the help of ridicule, disparaging or sarcastic remarks, unkind humor, narcissists put others down, showing that they do not take them seriously.
Example: “I have never heard anything more stupid in my life. Do not embarrass yourself!”
12. Intimidation of consequences
Such people often try to present some minor problem as “the first step on a slippery slope”, which supposedly will lead to disastrous consequences in the future. This is done in order to divert the attention of the interlocutor from well-founded claims with the help of far-fetched threats.
Example: “If I agree to help you, you will decide that I am ready to do everything for you, and in the end I will not live!”
13. Branding of opponents
Narcissists often label entire groups of people as inferior or dangerous in order to justify their discrimination or even destruction. The position “the end justifies the means” is natural for them, since they put most people below themselves.
Example: “They’re all gangsters, drug dealers, and rapists!”
14. Using template phrases
They love simple phrases that serve as a universal response to any criticism, threat or pressure.
Example: “I am your last hope! You don’t have anyone else!”
Learning to recognize the tricks that narcissists use is the first step to setting healthy boundaries that prevent you from being manipulated.
About the Author: Dan Newhart is a family therapist.