Contents
- 1. Show passion in front of everyone
- 2. Get drunk
- 3. Start conversations about controversial topics: religion, politics or sex
- 4. Lie and brag about success
- 5. Sitting on your phone
- 6. Making offensive jokes
- 7. Be intolerant
- 8. Don’t help clean up
- 9. Talk about money
- 10. Show up in untidy clothes
- 11. Talk only about yourself
- 12. Be silent
The upcoming meeting with the parents of a loved one can cause excitement. This is an important step in the development of relations, on which much depends. What rules should not be broken so as not to seem like an ill-mannered boor? Family psychologists have listed the mistakes that are most often made at the first meeting with the partner’s relatives.
“First impressions can sometimes make all the difference,” says family therapist Danny Gibson. “If you behave inappropriately, alienation can immediately arise between you and your partner’s parents, because of which it will be difficult to build relationships in the future.” Here’s what not to do.
1. Show passion in front of everyone
“Public hugs and kisses are great, but there is a time and a place for everything. This does not mean that you have to act cold and distant, but it is important not to forget who is watching you. Showing simple touching signs of attention to a loved one (holding hands or hugging their shoulders) shows parents how important their daughter or son is to you. Jamie Goldstein, psychologist
2. Get drunk
“Don’t drink a lot before or during the meeting, otherwise they may think that you do not know how to control yourself. You need to be collected and sincere, which is impossible in a state of intoxication. Danny Gibson, family therapist
3. Start conversations about controversial topics: religion, politics or sex
“Don’t talk about religion or politics. If you and your partner have similar views, you should not assume that his / her parents share them. Even if you know for sure that they are in solidarity with you, many consider it indecent to touch on these topics. It’s best to get to know each other better first.
Don’t talk about sex. Even if your loved one’s parents themselves love «dirty» jokes, it’s best to just laugh along with them without trying to demonstrate your own wit until you get to know them better. Don’t mention intimate life, most parents will be unpleasant to talk about.” Gina Delucca, psychologist
4. Lie and brag about success
“Your lies are likely to upset your partner. The truth will come out, it can be a blow to the relationship. If a loved one was able to accept you as / such as you are, this should be enough for his / her parents. Kurt Smith, psychotherapist
5. Sitting on your phone
“You should not pay much attention to your smartphone during a meeting. It may seem that you are ignoring his parents and you are not interested in communicating. Janet Brito, psychotherapist and sexologist
6. Making offensive jokes
“Don’t tell jokes that are indecent or offensive. Parents want to see that their son (daughter) meets with a caring and sympathetic person. By telling jokes, you show disrespect for others and a lack of understanding of boundaries.” Danny Gibson, family therapist
7. Be intolerant
“The partner grew up in different conditions. When you meet, be open and don’t expect his parents to be like yours. If you can’t tolerate their idiosyncrasies, you’re unlikely to develop a close relationship with them.» Samantha Rodman, psychologist
8. Don’t help clean up
“After dinner, help clean up the dishes, otherwise you may be considered selfish.” Janet Brito, psychotherapist and sexologist
9. Talk about money
“It’s one thing to praise a house, but asking how much the renovation and furniture cost is another. Talking about money is considered indecent by many. Over time, when you get to know each other better, they will tell you how much their watches cost, at the first meeting it is better not to touch on such topics. Kurt Smith, psychotherapist
10. Show up in untidy clothes
«Show your parents that you respect them enough to take care of your appearance.» Janet Brito, psychotherapist and sexologist
11. Talk only about yourself
“Surely they want to know more about you, but at the same time they are unlikely to be ready to listen to stories about your life all evening, do not forget to show mutual interest and ask questions.” Gina Delucca, psychologist
12. Be silent
“The first meeting with the parents of a partner can be exciting, but you need to not withdraw into yourself and not be silent. Try to treat them the same way you treat any other person you respect, such as your boss, friends, or your own parents, be polite and keep the conversation going.” Tina Tessina, psychotherapist
Source: Huffington Post