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The very term “prelude” suggests that it precedes the main action, only supplementing it. Because of this, many underestimate this process: they devote little time to it and use a modest set of habitual actions. But a good, long foreplay is the key to passionate sex. How to make it more interesting and enjoyable for both partners?
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Seeing foreplay as just a bonus to sex is highly misleading, says Lawrence Siegel, clinical sexologist and sexuality educator: “Anything called foreplay can itself be a complete sexual or erotic experience.
I like to think that foreplay is a way to create an erotic connection and focus on stimulation – yours and your partner’s.”
But even when we acknowledge that foreplay is important, we ask ourselves the question: what to do so that for the hundredth time it causes erotic attraction, and not the desire to “fast forward”? What techniques can diversify this process?
1. Become a good partner outside the bedroom
Foreplay isn’t just about sex. It can include any activity that shows you care about your partner, such as washing clothes, walking with the kids, shopping for groceries, paying bills…
Anything that makes life easier for him. And, of course, the fulfillment of promises – after all, according to sex therapist Tom Murray, our kindness and attention make us extremely sexually attractive.
No matter how strange they may be, they do not become less exciting from this. Try the confession game: tell your partner what you would like to try in bed.
You can warn him in advance that you are a little nervous because you decided to voice your fantasies. This is fine. A loving person will understand and support, but you will answer him the same. Who knows, maybe your partner will like the fantasy that you have been cherishing for a long time, and you will bring it to life?
3. Use all the senses
There are only five of them – eyes (sight), ears (hearing), tongue (taste), skin (touch), nose (smell) – but we sometimes forget about them. Meanwhile, they awaken a sensuality that makes foreplay more exciting.
“Listen to your partner’s breathing when you kiss, to how he holds him in anticipation of your actions. Or the sounds he makes when he relaxes in your arms, says sexologist Goody Howard. “Look in the mirror, notice how your partner’s face and body reacts to your touch, pay attention to the softness of the lips, the smell of the skin.”
4. Use Gadgets
And we are not talking about sex toys at all – sexual messages are enough, especially if you send them to your partner at the beginning of the day, long before the meeting.
“Proactively stimulating your partner’s thoughts is an underrated form of foreplay,” says Robin Wilson-Beatty, sexuality educator. “Imagine how excited you would be to read a “hot” message from your lover, in which he describes his desires, makes hints or directly promises something … It will turn you on even before you are actually together.”
5. Play inaccessibility
Lawrence Siegel offers another proven way to increase erotic desire – to pretend that you are not available for a while: “If you have certain plans for the evening, you can send messages or photos of things that your partner supposedly cannot see or do during the day” .
But be careful: the partner must understand that this is a plausible, but a game. Do not overdo it so that anxiety and disappointment do not come to the place of desire.
6. Go skinny dipping
It’s a sin not to take advantage of what warm summer nights offer us! Of course, there is something childish in this, but no less sexy. The very fact that you are in an unusual environment increases desire.
In addition, such swims tend to border on prohibitions, which means you will experience an adrenaline rush as you sneak back home.
7. Play a sex game
Strip cards, a bottle, an erotic twister, forfeits… Now there are many varieties of both desktop and mobile games that can easily add novelty to the usual foreplay. Not only will you add a touch of playfulness and flirting to your relationship, but you may also learn something new about each other.
8. Read Erotica
Reading literature in this genre together can be both a good preparation for the foreplay and an “amplifier” in the process – it makes moments alone especially unusual.
Moreover, sometimes interesting ideas can be found in erotic books. But only if you take reading seriously, pay attention to the message, and not the wording and style of the text.
9. Experiment with temperature
“Playing with temperature stimulates nerve endings, increasing arousal,” explains sex therapist Nazanin Moali. – If you want to cool down, then use ice cubes or glass sex toys that have been in the freezer. To, on the contrary, raise the degree of passion, drip wax from a candle on each other or try a warming lubricant.
10. And take your time
This has already been said many times, but we can’t help but repeat: if you don’t rush to go to the “main course”, the process brings much more pleasure than the “sprint race”. Whatever you do, do it thoughtfully, studying each other: do not interrupt kisses and pay more attention to simple touches on the skin.