Contents
Parents and other relatives are not chosen. It is sad when children are forced to put up with the toxic behavior of the closest people. They are too small or weak to fend for themselves.
But toxic parents can be justified. Perhaps they themselves once grew up in a similar atmosphere and now unconsciously copy the behavior of their parents. Or they simply do not know how to behave properly, because. they did not have a positive example before their eyes.
It is unlikely that someone will deliberately spoil their children’s lives. You can’t fix the past. But it is important not to become a toxic parent yourself, and also to protect your boundaries even in adulthood.
10 Border trespassers
Such parents constantly make decisions for their child. They tell him who to be friends with, where to go to study or work, whom to marry, and so on. They can easily read the child’s diary, discuss some sensitive topics with outsiders.
Children try to get away from such parents as quickly as possible. As soon as the opportunity arises, they leave home, go to university or choose a job in another city.
To resist the demands of your parents, you need to work on self-confidence. If the mother has started a conversation that you don’t like, change the subject. Did she step up the criticism? Say directly that you are satisfied with this state of affairs and now you would like to discuss another topic.
9. Bring on the feeling of guilt
Toxic parents always blame the child. And this feeling of guilt is imposed on him because such a person is easier to control. Children feel like eternal debtors.
Parents constantly emphasize how much they have done for the child, how much they sacrificed for him. And, manipulating the feeling of guilt, they demand complete submission from him.
Grown up children forget about their interests, lose their own “I”, returning this unrequited debt.
Remember that you are not to blame for anything. Turn off your “guilt” button. If someone tries to control you, don’t react.
8. Eternal children
A family is not just a group of people or close friends. Adults not only provide for children, but also deal with all problems themselves, protect kids from various troubles.
Powerless and irresponsible parents become toxic. Because of them, the child is forced to grow up faster, because. they put their problems on his fragile shoulders.
Children are not nannies for younger brothers or sisters, they should not listen to revelations about financial difficulties or about the personal problems of the mother.
The younger members of the family should also have some responsibilities, but they cannot be overloaded. It is useful for children to walk, play with friends, etc.
7. Perfection
Father and mother are successful people, they were able to achieve a lot in life. And it would be good if not for one “but”.
The child was inspired, or he himself believed that his parents understand everything better than him, they are both smarter and more beautiful. Against their background, he feels insignificant and worthless.
It is not necessary to destroy the pedestal on which you put your parents. It is better to go the other way: develop yourself.
Mentally isolate yourself from others, find your strengths and weaknesses. Write down what you are good at. And then build your life, without outside influence.
6. drinking parents
A child who grows up next to an alcoholic is constantly tense. It is difficult for him to build any relationship, not only love, but also friendship. He grows up hyper-responsible and unsure of himself.
Busy with the problems of her husband, the mother does not pay any attention to the children, they are often left to their own devices. No one is interested in their success in school, hobbies, and even whether the child ate or not.
You should not blame yourself for what happened in your family, even if your parents convinced you otherwise. Communicate with families where everything is fine. Don’t repeat the mistakes of your parents.
5. Eternal parents
Usually adults prepare children for independent life. But this category of toxic parents makes it clear that they will constantly patronize their “baby”, no matter how old he is.
They are ready to wash his clothes, clean the house and do everything that an adult man or woman should cope with on their own. Such kind parents do a disservice to their children, because they grow up absolutely dependent and helpless.
If you recognize yourself, make a list of things you would like to do on your own. Learn and feel strong and confident. And then convey to your parents that you would like to do all this on your own. Believe me, they will be glad that you have finally grown up.
4. Humiliating
The child constantly hears criticism addressed to him. They insult him, often make fun of him, pick up offensive nicknames. And all this is justified by the fact that in this way they prepare him for cruel reality.
This attitude leaves deep emotional scars, affects the self-esteem of the child. Children raised in such families may have suicidal tendencies.
When communicating with such parents, you can end the conversation at any time. Try not to react to insults, do not give in to emotions, answer in monosyllables. Then they will realize that their words did not reach the goal.
3. ghosts
No, these parents have not died, they are alive and well, but they flit by like ghosts. They are not around or they are not available psychologically. Such parents do not show any interest in their child, are indifferent to him, although outwardly they can portray friendliness or severity.
Remember that you cannot force another person to love you and spend time with you. Well, if there is someone who wants to take care of you.
Often such children grow up too independent, do not show emotions, but can gradually melt their hearts. To do this, you can come up with imaginary parents, endow them with the best qualities: loving, cheerful, calm, etc.
And then repeat to yourself the phrases that these parents could pronounce, for example, “I am ready to listen to you carefully, all my time is at your disposal.”
2. Narcissistic Parents
They immediately raised the bar, made it clear to the child that they expect only the highest results from them. All the achievements of the baby are taken for granted. And if he did something wrong somewhere, the child will be humiliated, depreciating comments.
Don’t listen to what narcissistic parents say, whether they scold you or praise you. Do not argue with them and do not convince them.
Pretend to agree with everything, but ignore everything. Stand up for your boundaries, even if they resist.
1. Perfectionists
They have achieved great success at work and intend to make real perfection out of their child as well. They shift all the responsibility for the stability of the family onto the shoulders of the child, and at the same time throw off all the stress that they get at work.
Such parents often set unattainable goals for their children, expecting from them what the kids cannot do yet. They do not understand that the child is still small, he has no life experience.
Demanding a perfect result from him, they only contribute to the emergence of fears. Children think they can’t do it and stop doing anything.
Remember that you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. If you do what you love, there will definitely be success, and all humiliations and reproaches are already in the past.