Contents
Hello! If you once said to yourself: “I don’t know how to live this life,” then today’s article is for you. When there is no desire and sense to wake up in the morning, but you have to force yourself because of obligations to others. It is not clear what you really want and what to do in order to either “kill time” or, finally, have fun. When everything that used to please, now causes indifference. It was as if the instructions given at birth were in some unknown language.
10 psychologist tips
live in the present
Life is made up of moments, little pieces. If you think globally, for example, thinking about your main meaning of life, then you can fall into despair, especially if it is not immediately detected. Even the most complex tasks are broken down into parts to get started and understand where to start. Therefore, maximalism, thoughts about something global and general may not help you in this situation. Try to notice the present in which you are at the moment — this is your life. Isn’t it true? What are you dedicating it to now? What are you doing for yourself? Let’s say you’re reading this article. Is this what you wanted?
With these questions, bring yourself back to reality, to the «here and now.» Unfortunately, there are situations when we cease to control our own thoughts. Why do we immerse ourselves in an “emotional swamp”, thinking how bad everything is, how unlucky and generally unfair the world is. As soon as you notice that you are «loading» yourself, stop. This behavior is not at all resourceful, change your thinking so as not to devalue your life.
Help the weak and defenseless
If you don’t know how to live this life, then until you discover values that will inspire and motivate, do charity work. Despite your situation, which has deprived the meaning of existence, there are people, animals, who are in even worse conditions. Sometimes, to understand how lucky you are, it is enough to meet those who make much more efforts to survive. There is a saying that reflects this essence: “I suffered so much from the fact that I did not have shoes, until one day I came across a man who did not have both legs.”
In addition, by helping others and receiving gratitude, you will feel your value and significance. And when you go to bed in the evening, you will surely know that you did not live this day in vain. I do not urge all free time and finances to devote to charity. Do it whenever possible, but be sure to help those who need help. Indifference alienates and isolates from the world, and in this state you should never isolate yourself.
Energy
Energy needs to be released. If you do not want to communicate with someone, go in for sports. The obsession of thoughts and the feeling of emptiness inside are well “treated” by physical activity.
Complete apathy and loss of interest usually occurs when feelings are held for a long time. Basically, it’s aggression. Not allowing himself to be angry or express his irritation, a person suppresses it. But that doesn’t mean she’s gone. It accumulates and then already “crushes” other feelings. This is if the vector of anger is directed at the person himself. The psyche then has no choice but to turn off the emotional sphere for security purposes. Then, respectively, no joy, no pleasure.
If you do not tend to suppress feelings, then try to find out exactly where your energy goes. What takes her away, what deprives her of strength and desires. For example, an unloved job or a hopeless relationship that has become obsolete, but continues for some reason?
Support
Seek support from people you trust. A simple heart-to-heart talk can give so much warmth and intimacy that an interest in life will wake up by itself. Speak out, ask about similar experiences, perhaps the ways of dealing with such a state of people significant to you will help you too. The very understanding that you are not alone in this world is experiencing this and there are people who were able to cope, step over this difficult period — is already a resource for «recovery».
The main thing is to choose such interlocutors who can not only listen, but also share their experience. Unfortunately, the topic of lack of interest in life causes such a strong fear in people that it is easier for them to “disown” it, saying that this is all nonsense. It is difficult to talk about death without understanding the meaning of one’s existence. Therefore, it is not worth blaming such people, they defend themselves from such topics as best they can. Just look for support from those who can provide it. If there are no such people among relatives and friends, there are specialists in helping professions, psychologists, psychotherapists. Do not be left alone with your problem, you will definitely find a response from others if you contact them.
Needs
The ability to recognize your needs and follow them is actually a very valuable skill. Although it seems simple at first glance. If you ignore your own desires, body signals, then over time you can really “grow” with insensitivity and live at a loss from the fact that it is not clear how to live in this world.
For example, a person felt some changes in the body and decided that he was hungry. What I want to eat — I did not determine and purchased, for example, salted fish. I filled my stomach, but satisfaction does not come. Only heaviness in the stomach and soul. Because, it may turn out that in fact, he wanted support and warmth, or still eat, but sweet.
Therefore, if you seem to have done everything to fulfill the need, but did not experience saturation and joy, think about it, did you really want this? Or acted from completely different considerations and motives? Let’s say, to please the parents, because it used to please or others do this and are quite happy with themselves. There can be many reasons to ignore the body’s impulses. And the more dissatisfaction, the closer the state of apathy.
Freedom
Don’t expect instant change from yourself. Do not expect that next week you will be happy and easy-going. Drop expectations. Then there will be less disappointment. Even if it seems that others, unlike you, have a wonderful life. In fact, you only know what you are shown. And they are not always aware of what sacrifices some benefits sometimes require.
For example, the payment for the status of a married woman may consist in the fact that she endures the bullying of her husband or his drunkenness, and so on. Therefore, appreciate what you have and in no case devalue it. This is the secret of happy people. They know how to notice what they have, instead of focusing on what is not, suffering from the unfulfillment and unattainability of dreams.
Social roles
Misperception of social roles can lead to dissatisfaction of needs, resulting in confusion and despair. It becomes not clear how to live. In different relationships, we perform very different roles and receive very different emotions, resources, and so on. For example, if a person expects unconditional love from his superiors, like from his mother, then it is quite natural that he feels unhappy that he does not receive it.
This mostly happens unconsciously, so it is very important to ask yourself periodically: “Who am I now?”. Although this question looks ridiculous, you will get different answers every time. For example, a father, son, colleague, friend, grandson, manager… Understanding what social role you are in now, it will be clearer how to behave and what you can claim.
If we stop confusing and mixing social roles, then life will seem easier. Then a certain structure will appear, in which the format of relations is determined and what can be taken out of them or vice versa, invested. And clarity takes away anxiety, anxiety due to confusion.
Change of world view
If you do not know how to live on, it means that the time has come to change your values. Apparently, what was significant and important before has ceased to be so. Otherwise, you haven’t figured it out yet. This is how crises usually begin, personal, age, relationship crises. When the old has stopped working, and the new has not yet been created. The state of confusion about how to proceed is actually quite frightening. In this case, rationalization can help if you sit down and sort out your values.
And also remember what exactly made you happy and pleased before. Let it be little things in the form of a falling autumn leaf, you should not bypass them. What have you always wanted, but did not allow yourself, finding various excuses? Now it is time to act, gradually restoring the level of satisfaction with life.
Love
Man is a social being and often the main reason for his existence is love. Who does not want to feel it, give it to others? It seems that if there is someone who loves and is loved, then it is quite possible to survive all the hardships, if together.
But you always manage to immediately meet the same person, so what to do then? And I will tell you to love yourself. Because, first of all, you have yourself and if you value your personality, others will also treat you.
And I’m not talking about selfishness at all, no, I’m about not allowing myself to be treated rudely, causing pain, violence. Explore resources and talents so as not to depend on outside praise, but to rely on your own knowledge. Allow yourself to make mistakes sometimes, because we are not perfect. Follow your desires rather than sacrificing them, considering the needs of others more important.
Inspiration
Look for what will inspire you to act, to live, in the end. Start with movies, sometimes it’s quite possible to learn a lot of useful things from them. Especially from those paintings that were created on the basis of events taking place in reality. Read books, it certainly won’t hurt. In the process of reading, insight often arises, that is, a sudden insight, awareness.
Embark on a journey, even if you don’t feel like it. As a last resort, check out a new coffee shop, a pizzeria on the other side of the city. Attend exhibitions, theater. Do not despair, let your temporary meaning be the search for inspiration, something that will touch your soul and cause pleasant emotions. Suddenly, clinging to a new hobby, you will discover abilities in yourself that you did not know about before? Or will you find a true friend who shares your interests?
Without changing the usual arrangement, you will not get anything new. Therefore, get out of your comfort zone, do things differently and take risks, while taking care of your safety. Then significant changes will come, replacing dullness and routine.
Completion
Get to know yourself and your abilities. Reveal them and act on them. Notice the present, yourself in it and listen to desires. And over time, you will understand that in fact life is beautiful, not always fair, but beautiful!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina