10 tips for raising an only child

We often imagine that raising an only child is more difficult than having several children… We are afraid that he will become capricious, demanding, that he does not know how to share or that he has trouble being sociable… Stop preconceived ideas! Here are 10 tips from a shrink for a harmonious family life, with a fulfilled only child !  

1. We teach our child to play alone

When you don’t have siblings at home to play and bicker with, you get bored more easily, that makes sense. Suddenly, our little pot of glue requires our permanent availability. He would like us to keep him company, to devote all our time to him … We set limits and we teach him to have fun with its figurines, its soft toys, its construction games, without necessarily participating. We launch the activities and we let him continue alone, telling him that we have things to do. To begin with, we install it in the same room as us and we do our activities alongside it. Over the months, he will be able to play a little alone in his room, knowing that you are in the kitchen or in the living room.

2. We don’t spoil it too much!

We all know the reputation of unique children: that of being too spoiled by their parents, because they represent a rare pearl in their eyes. Of course, all parents do whatever they can to make their children happy. But if you are the parent of an only child, from a very young age, we get used to sharing, as for those who have brothers and sisters – with his friends, his cousins ​​… And even if we find him wonderful, we do not cry genius as soon as he does something: he risks believing us, and later, d ‘to be little appreciated by other children who will find “he freaks out too much”!

3. We do not give everything to our child

The other label that sticks to Basque unique children is to be capricious. To avoid that this concerns our child, we do not let ourselves be led by the nose: we do not fulfill all his desires, we say no and stop when necessary. It is essential to give him the benchmarks and rules he needs to grow well. This will help him to adapt well later to the rules of life and the constraints of the school, and to find his place among the other students.

4. We put him in contact with other children

Our child does not have a brother or sister, but that does not mean that he has to live alone! On the contrary, we put him in touch with friends and girlfriends from an early age. They are regularly invited home. He is given opportunities to develop sociability, to play, to rub shoulders with others. We help him make friends in the park, we organize afternoon games with his cousins… We contact neighborhood associations, the town hall, which organize activities… We make sure that he can build his character. and does not feel helpless in front of the group. He will feel much more comfortable then, in kindergarten.

5. We respect his personality

Of course, it’s important to make sure he has boyfriends and doesn’t feel too lonely, but it’s not about going against your personality. When he wants to stay cool at home to play alone, you must also know how to respect your desire for solitude. Some children are more introverted than others, and it is up to us to measure and offer them a range of varied activities, with others or alone. What matters is that he has a choice.

6. We treat him like a child, not like an adult

An only child is by definition the center of interest of his parents, since their attention is not diverted by the presence of brothers or sisters. Having this special relationship with adults develops self-esteem and maturity, his interest in intellectual activities, his taste for conversations with adults, and therefore for language and reading. It is positive to make him participate in the life of adults, as long as you do not encourage this early maturity too much. We avoid making him grow up too quickly by talking to him about subjects that he is not yet old enough to understand, or by systematically polarizing him on “edutainment” activities, instead of letting him play quietly or daydream. without doing anything…

The testimony of Iris: “I was suffocating under the fusional love of my mother! “

When I was little, I often heard hurtful remarks because I was a so-called “spoiled-rotten” only girl. It is true that my parents, my mother in particular, tended to brood over me. She didn’t want me to go to snow school and even less to summer camp, although I dreamed of it! She took care of me H24. In fact, I think I was her only reason for living. I was suffocating under his too fusional love and I always told myself that I would have a large family. And that’s what I did. I am the happiest of mothers when I see my princesses playing and laughing together. This is what I dreamed of all my childhood! “

Iris, mother of Clara, 6 months old, Diana, 2 years old, and Violette, 4 years old.

7. We avoid being too much on our back

Every child is the extension of his parents, and every parent often unconsciously wants his offspring to achieve what he has not had the opportunity to achieve on his own. This pressure, the only child has it even more on his shoulders, because he is the only one who can do it. We try not to be too demanding, we don’t set the bar too high, otherwise our loulou will grow up feeling obliged to please us and being constantly afraid of disappointing us. We can imagine how heavy this internal pressure and this obligation to constantly surpass ourselves to meet our expectations can be! We take him to spend afternoons at the drop-in center and we take the opportunity to do things for us while he socializes.

8. We open the family to the outside world

Having a social life and contact with other children is essential for our child, but he also needs to rub shoulders with other family models, other ways to operate. We invite our friends over to the house, we spend weekends and holidays with our family, we set an example and we make him want to share good times in a group. This openness is all the more necessary when the only child lives in a single-parent family, alone with one of the two parents. The temptation to build an exclusive bond with his child is then great for the single parent, especially if he no longer has a sentimental life.

Dad’s testimonial: “I cut the cord twice! “

When Emma was born, I cut the cord. I was upset. Then the life of three began: Véronique, my wife, was in total symbiosis with the baby. She decided to take parental leave because the idea of ​​leaving our daughter worried her too much. But it has become more and more exclusive. Even to read him a story in the evening, I was disqualified: he shouldn’t change anything in his habits! As a result, when entering school, Emma was clinging to her mother screaming. It was terrible… I felt excluded. That’s when I clicked: “We can’t go on like this.” I discussed it with Véro. At first, she took it badly: she felt accused, judged. I explained myself, I even read her psycho articles to convince her. She reluctantly agreed to let go of Emma a bit. I still had to fight for it to be me who gives her the bath or who puts her to bed every other night. But I held on, I made sure to be there for my daughter. Today, I’m the one who takes her in the morning, and she loves school! “

Pablo, dad to Zoe, 2 years old

9. We do not overprotect our child

Of course, we only have one child and we spontaneously tend to want to protect him from all the risks of life. It’s okay to keep yourself safe, but it can quickly turn to overprotection. ” What are you doing ? Where are you going ? Watch out for this, watch out for that! We must realize that all our fears being concentrated on the same child, he risks becoming timid and sometimes hesitating to venture outside, outside the family fold. An only child carries all the hopes of his parents and it is a formidable engine, but he also carries all their anxieties and it is sometimes very heavy. We think about it and let him do his experiments without raising him in cotton wool, so that he knows how to manage when we are not there.

10. We tell him why he is an only child

A child realizes that he is “unique” around the age of 3-4 years. If ours asks for a brother or a sister, let him ask us about it, we answer him clearly. If it is a decision of our couple not to have another child, we say so. The same if it is of a medical nature, or related to our marital situation

In video: 10 tips for raising an only child: with Catherine Marchi, psychologist

 

 

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