Contents
Why does the intimate side of relationships become boring and routine? How to avoid it? We share recommendations.
1.
Try new
To experiment, quiet the inner critic, relax and surrender to the moment. Tune in to the sensations, remember what you like, what you would like to repeat and develop.
2.
Take turns taking initiative
It often happens that one partner burns with desire, while the other is completely unwilling to make love. Over time, this can leave the initiator feeling humiliated by having to «beg» for sex. If each of the two takes the initiative in time, the couple’s intimate life will be more balanced.
3.
Go to bed at the same time
This is a useful ritual that strengthens relationships. You can exchange tender words, soak up under the covers while you are still awake — all this fuels desire and allows you to tune in to sex.
4.
Don’t think of sex as a duty
Many couples are overworked, tense, and look at sex as just another chore. They end up, consciously or not, sabotaging moments of intimacy and secretly breathing a sigh of relief when their partner suggests “just go to sleep.” Ideally, making love should fill you with new forces, and not take them away.
5.
Porn: why not?
The fact that one partner watches porn may not be to the liking of the other. But in fact, the problem is not with porn, but with regard to it as something forbidden. My advice: find a place for porn in your relationship. Watch it together, explore different genres and forms — it’s like switching channels. You don’t have to watch everything, but you might find something you like.
6.
Talk about secret fantasies
Feel free to discuss what you would like to do in bed, talk about your erogenous zones and the sensations associated with them. Ask your partner what role he would like to play in sex. Think about what experiments you would decide on in sex. If more couples learned to speak openly about secret desires, their intimate life would become more complete.
7.
Sleep naked (at least occasionally)
Partners feel each other better when they are not separated by a layer of tissue. Touching the skin, hugging, stroking — all this acts exciting and pushes for sex.
8.
Don’t be afraid to discuss what you like
Many couples find it difficult to discuss topics related to sex, let alone enjoy it. My task as a therapist is to teach them to discuss their sex life without fear and embarrassment. A playful attitude and trust are two necessary conditions for a conversation to be relaxed and frank.
9.
Don’t Focus on Penetration
In a food analogy, penetration is the most ordered dish, even if the recipe is always the same. Try experimenting with other ways to please each other: oral and manual sex, deep petting.
10.
Plan happy hours
The fading of passion in marriage is one of the most common problems. To all couples who contact me about this, I give advice: plan romantic moments. But remember: plans should not be violated. Optionality can lead to the fact that the weekly sex festival turns into a formality that can be «pushed» for the sake of a football game or a new episode of your favorite series.