10 thoughts to regain your balance

Our own feelings are unbearable. Sometimes we are even ready to stop feeling altogether, just to get rid of the confusion they have caused. But there is another way to cope with them – understanding. In addition to what we feel, what we know and think matters. Clinical psychologist and Gestalt therapist Irina Gross offers ten thoughts that will help you cope with the raging element of emotions.

1. Remember that the purpose of emotions is your good.

The so-called basic emotions are neither negative nor positive, they are just signals. They inform us that a certain situation or a certain event is good for life (through joy) or threatens our safety (through fear, anger and sadness). Emotions make us react in order to sustain our existence, and it has been that way since the beginning of time.

2. Recognize that we never worry for no reason…

…Although sometimes mere trifles take us out of balance. Emotions are always right. They have meaning and function, they have good reasons to appear, even if we cannot understand these reasons. After all, the brain stores vital information in memory that protects our existence. If in the past an event was associated with danger and therefore remembered as a danger – for example, someone raised their voice or something blocked our way – any such situation, even seemingly harmless, will naturally arouse emotion.

3. Don’t exacerbate one emotion with another

Since your emotion has a reason to exist, there is no need to suffer from guilt.

Anxious with fear, nervous with anger, or upset with sadness all intensify the original emotion, flooding it with a flood of comments and projections.

We think we can get rid of what we feel and what is painful for us, but we only add one emotion to another. Physical suffering intensifies. It is better to listen to the first emotion and benefit from it.

4. “It’s not me, it’s his fault…” No, it’s you!

Take your share of the responsibility. It is your emotion, even if it comes from an external event. It belongs to you, which is good news, because you can do something with it, take care of your desire and / or what you lack. And the icing on the cake – remember that you are responsible for your emotions, but not for the emotions of another.

5. Trust your bodily sensations

Listen to your body rather than your mind. Emotion always starts with bodily turmoil—throat tightening, heart rate quickening… Be aware of these sensations to notice what you are experiencing. Don’t look for a solution to a problem right away. Live slowly this moment, which is very important.

6. Don’t make a drama out of it

No, this emotion will not stay with you until death. If you do not wind yourself up, if the mind does not begin to dramatize the situation, then the unpleasant bodily sensations will disappear in a few minutes. To return to calm, breathe, walk, stretch, close your eyes… Our internal weather is constantly changing.

7. Distinguish Fact from Effect

Distinguish between the event that excited you and unleashed the emotional process, and what you tell yourself about it. Are you judging yourself? Are you judging the other person? Maybe you imagine that you are reading his mind? Too hastily draw negative conclusions from the situation?

What you think is often very far from what actually happened. Move away from projections and fantasies in order to get closer to yourself – a normal, and therefore sensitive person.

8. Determine where the source of your experiences is.

To prevent your inner monologue from pushing you into an unreasonable reaction, go back to what threw you off balance. What exactly happened? What exactly got you excited? What did you see, hear, touch, feel? How did you react? Do you want to run away (fear), strike (anger), or curl up, waiting for the storm to pass (sadness)?

9. Recognize that emotion is not the problem…

…On the contrary, it is the beginning of a solution. When the emotion is revealed, take care of yourself, take care of yourself. After all, emotion appears when one of our needs is violated, destabilized.

Fear often indicates that we need more security.

Anger is that we need to know and recognize ourselves better.

And sadness is that we need to give meaning to events, to understand what is happening. There are also happy moments: for example, do not forget that joy indicates a desire for inspiration, energy, vitality, happiness.

10. Love your excitement

Don’t hesitate to invite emotions and high emotional risk situations into your life. Change your habits. And do not try to avoid events that seem dangerous to you (“if I do not speak in public, I will no longer be afraid”), control everything (“if I manage to get others to obey, I will no longer be angry”) or explain everything (“If I can figure out why my friend is sulking at me, I won’t be so sad”).

We cannot control our emotions – they are the ones that guide us. Emotions are our connection to the world. It is much more constructive to act in agreement with them than without them or in spite of them.