10 things a woman shouldn’t have to apologize for. Never

Imagine the situation: you order a decaffeinated latte, and they bring you a double espresso. What do you say? «I’m sorry, but this doesn’t seem to be exactly what I ordered»? All right. Only now the word «sorry» is better to remove.

A recent study found that women apologize more than men. And not because we are more polite. The fact is that for decades society has instilled a sense of guilt that we generally have our own opinions or desires and needs. It’s time to stop asking forgiveness for our existence and the choices we make. Never apologize for…

1. Your «love status»

Being free (not lonely, but free) is not a crime, no matter how often your mother hints to the contrary, asking when she will finally see you in a white dress. And if you have a partner and for some reason you do not want to enter into an official marriage, this is also not a crime. Without a stamp in the passport, it is quite possible to live, enjoying each other’s company.

Are you married and happy as a housewife? This is no less worthy choice than any other, if you are satisfied and feel in the right place. Whatever your status on Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia), your personality is not determined by the situation on the personal front. It doesn’t matter who or what thinks about it. This is your life, and you live it, not your mother or friends who know exactly how to do it.

2. How you use your uterus

Yes, sorry (oops, sorry again!) for being straightforward, but that’s what it’s called. Are your parents tired of hints that they want to babysit their grandchildren, while you firmly understand that motherhood is not your way? You have every right to do this and are not obliged to make excuses for it, even if you change your mind ten years later. Or don’t change your mind.

Or maybe you are told that only selfish people give birth to just one child? Or is a girlfriend foaming at the mouth proving that the earth is overpopulated and giving birth to a third child is pure madness (and you want five)? It’s only your choice. To give birth or not, how often to give birth, how many times to give birth — concerns only you. Even if we are talking about surrogate motherhood (consider it a rented uterus, that is, temporarily yours). Being a parent is a lifelong choice, and you should not make such decisions to please someone else’s beliefs.

3. The way you raise your children

There is not a speck in your house, the children are clean and tidy, the dog does not bark and obeys all commands, and one of your friends still dropped: “Real mothers don’t have such an order”? Or is your child watching a cartoon while you decide to relax for ten minutes with a cup of morning coffee, and you feel guilty: a good mother would be engaged in the development of a child now, and not turn on a cartoon for him? Or maybe you secretly cannot wait for the day when the children finally grow up and leave the parental nest? Whatever it is, don’t beat yourself up. You are doing everything you are capable of. No one can say what it’s like to be a «real mom». Therefore, you are the real mother that you are.

4. How often do you have sex

It is believed that the happiest couples have sex at least twice a week. And if once is enough for you and your husband, then the marriage is on the verge of collapse? Or do you consider it necessary to make excuses for increased libido when girlfriends raise their eyebrows at your revelations like “And we have three times a day”? As long as you and your partner are satisfied with the frequency of intimate contacts, no one’s opinion should bother you. When we have sex against our will, it damages the psyche and relationships.

Every day, twice a week, once a month… This does not characterize your union, nor the strength of love, nor the degree of happiness. The main thing is that you feel good as often as you want.

5. How successful are you

Are you in your 30s and still not earning six figures? So you have no ambition and you are a failure. Are you in love with your work and are you happy to storm your career heights? You are too fixated on this. Achieved success, but hide it so that you are not envied? Or maybe you are VLD — just a housewife? It’s a shame, because you had such potential.

Everyone who utters this phrase should first try to be “just a housewife” and raise children at the same time — he will probably be very surprised at how much strength and that very potential this requires.

Whatever you do and how much money you earn, work is important not only for you, but for the whole society. And trying to reach the bar of success set by other people will not lead to anything good. At best, you will feel pride for a while, but disappointment will come after it, because this is not what the soul lies in.

6. The way you make up or don’t make up

Does it take you an hour to do your makeup, do you constantly watch videos in which beauty bloggers teach beauty? Or can you leave the house 10 minutes after the alarm went off and think you look great today? Or maybe you are an ideological supporter of naturalness in appearance? This is solely your choice. Spending half your paycheck on cosmetics or giving it up is not a crime against society at all. If complex and unusual makeup cheers you up, keep up the good work. If you believe that there is nothing more beautiful than the face and hair color that nature has endowed you with, well done. The main thing is to be confident in your choice and not consider it necessary to make excuses for it.

7. The way you dress

Whether you prefer jeans with T-shirts, are in love with designer shoes, or are devoted to strict classics, it’s nobody’s business, even someone who, with a tenacity worthy of better use, says: «A woman your age should not dress like that.»

The choice of clothing affects how you feel. What style makes you feel like the queen of the world? Jackets and boots? Fine! Floor-length dress and stilettos? Perfectly! Only you can make a choice, but not parents, friends or grandmothers at the entrance. Your sense of self is a much better guide than fashion advice.

8. The way your body looks

You can be proud of the six-pack abs or love curvy hips. No matter what the scale shows you, no matter what size you wear, it doesn’t define who you are. This refers to the length of the legs, the size and shape of the chest, and a protruding or flat stomach. No one has the right to judge how you look in a bathing suit or without it. What matters is whether you are comfortable in your body.

9. Your age

Love your gray hair or visit a beautician who prepared a Botox injection? In modern society, there are too many rules that tell women what they can and cannot do with their appearance and age-related manifestations. But who came up with these rules and are we obliged to follow them, how to do it if they contradict each other?

No way. If we are forced to look younger than our years, this implies that we should be ashamed of the natural aging process. If we are forced to conform to age, this means that we should be ashamed of the desire and ability to preserve youth for as long as possible. Both are savagery, experience shows that it is possible to keep the youth of the spirit even at 90 years old — it’s all about how you live and how you relate to life. And if you think that a Botox injection will not hurt you, no one has the right to judge.

10. Little pleasures

Someone cannot start the day without coffee from Starbucks, someone gets a pedicure every two weeks, someone sleeps and sees a new stamp in their passport. And there will always be someone who will say: “I don’t understand why you spend so much money on this.” If you don’t go into debt for these pleasures and they give you joy, keep doing what you love. Life is short, and we are constantly faced with difficulties, so the mantra “please yourself at the first opportunity” should be learned by everyone without exception.

Stop wasting valuable energy on excuses and explanations you don’t have to give. Stop asking for forgiveness for your life and it will immediately get better.

About the author: Debra Smooth is a life coach.