10 steps to change

The work has sucked all the juice out of you. You can no longer stay up late or work weekends. You increasingly have the feeling that life is passing by without bringing satisfaction. Maybe it’s time to change jobs, reconsider responsibilities, or even completely change your profession?

Coaching helps to understand where to move and where to start. It appeared in Russia at the end of the last century as a practical method in business. Coaches helped top managers in their professional field, they were trainers and personal assistants. Today, coaching has come into the sphere of individual assistance, a “personal” direction is developing – life-coaching. Like the maieutics of Socrates, this method allows us to better understand ourselves, realize our true desires, focus on our capabilities, and not past mistakes, formulate new goals and start changing something in life, revealing our potential and getting satisfaction from work and communication. .

Coaches don’t tell you how to do the right thing. During the consultation, they ask precise questions that help us draw our own conclusions. Here are ten tips to help you make the right decision.

1. Formulate desires

In order to change something in life, it is necessary to realize our true desires, to determine what is really important for us in professional, social and family life, what brings pleasure, and what we do under pressure of circumstances (or out of inertia) and what we are ready to give up . A clear understanding of desires will allow you to formulate goals for future changes, you will feel self-confidence, the strength to withstand the onslaught of external circumstances, because a lot in life really depends only on us.

“For almost 20 years, I worked like hell, not thinking about what I really want,” says 42-year-old Valery, technical director. — Thanks to meetings with a coach, I realized that I get the most pleasure from teaching young colleagues. I recently proposed to the principal of a nearby school that I teach an elective in programming for high school students. He agreed”.

2. Understand what scares you

Often fears prevent us from moving forward. You need to understand them and find a balance between them. For example, between the fear of losing a well-paid job (social status or promotion opportunities) and the fear of missing out on something very important in life. 34-year-old Maria has a successful career in a large international company. But to the coach’s question: “What is the most important thing for you?” she replies, “take care of the kids.” Coaching allowed Maria to realize that her guilt towards her sons prevented her from enjoying her work. As a result, she found a compromise: she managed to organize her work in such a way as to reduce the number of business trips and spend more time with her children.

3. Look for your own answers

Only we ourselves can realize and formulate what we want to change. Be patient: in the search for a new one, we always experience uncertainty, feel the unsteadiness of the ground under our feet, and this can cause anxiety and a desire to leave everything as it was. Such inner work will eventually allow you to get out of the usual circle of reasoning and see new opportunities.

4. Put yourself first

The ability to be yourself is manifested in self-confidence, independence, the ability to express your point of view – value these qualities as highly as the ability to professionally perform work. Instead of adapting to circumstances, agreeing with others and giving in to everyone, define your own space and keep its boundaries. Formulate for yourself what you really have to do, and what you do because you don’t want to argue with colleagues again or to look “good” in their eyes. Observe others, learn ways that help them defend their interests, rationally allocate time.

“Before, I could not refuse when colleagues asked me to do part of the work for them. After talking with a coach, I learned to say no. Colleagues have stopped shifting work to me and treat me with great respect,” says 32-year-old Anna, an editor at a book publishing house.

5. Know your abilities

We often think of ourselves as having flaws and weaknesses and forget about our potential. Coaching teaches you to appreciate your abilities. Love for accurate data, the ability to emotionally infect people, sensitivity to the state of another – find out your strengths. When we rely on them, we achieve success. This attitude allowed the 26-year-old manager Anton to move up the corporate ladder: he was able to explain to the management what benefits his abilities could bring to the company – communication skills and the ability to convince customers.

6. Look to the future

You have determined what you want to do in the future. Draw a model of this future. Don’t be afraid to plan ahead—what you want to be doing in two, five, or seven years—and allow yourself to take even unrealistic dreams seriously. So did Alexander, the general director of a chemical enterprise. At the age of 50, he decided to leave his post in order to take up agriculture.

7. Achieve your goals in stages

You have defined a strategy for moving into the future, now you need to make a plan. Any changes are possible if they are carried out gradually and purposefully, fixing each milestone taken. Break down your final goal into several milestones, make a plan to achieve them, and summarize your achievements at each stage. The coach will help you build a strategy to implement your choice.

8. Learn to look at the situation from the outside

You understood in which direction you were going to move, recognized the traps that prevented you from living, and made plans for the future. Now it is useful to look at the situation from the outside. The ability to look at what is happening through the eyes of an observer helps to see what we did not take into account when drawing up plans. It may be the interests of other people or our own interests in other areas of life, as well as alternative ways to move towards the goal that we did not notice before.

9. Don’t be afraid to break up

Every time we take a step towards the future, we find ourselves at a crossroads: we need to choose one option and reject the rest. It is important to imagine the consequences of the implementation of the planned plan – in your lifestyle, in relationships with people, changes will definitely occur. You may have to completely change your lifestyle or part with some people – some of them may not approve of our actions. This is the price of achieving the goal. But the pain of choice can be mitigated by considering the consequences of your actions.

10. Turn loved ones into allies

What does it take to successfully navigate through change? The support of the immediate environment (family members and friends) can be one of the most important resources. Don’t be afraid to discuss plans with them and the risks associated with them, including those threatening changes in relationships. This will smooth out their negative reaction to your actions. Pay attention to how loved ones react to your words and actions – this way you will learn the most valuable information that will allow you to correct your actions. Together you can succeed.