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How to understand that you are being manipulated, playing on your kindness, upbringing, desire to please others? Psychologist Nikolai Molchanov talks about how to learn to recognize the main manipulative traps and avoid them.
I’ve seen many successful companies spend a lot of resources developing customer impact strategies. But I have not yet met people who have completed the courses of «professional buyers». The forces are clearly not equal. I propose to understand how we are manipulated, pushing us to commit quick and impulsive actions.
1. Attractive appearance
If we like the way a person looks, we automatically begin to attribute positive traits to him: for example, honesty, reliability, a sense of humor. This is especially active at the stage of acquaintance: you want to draw the most detailed portrait, there is not enough information, you have to build hypotheses. And it is extremely difficult to change the first impression — even if you have such a chance.
Harvard psychologists set up an experiment: one group of students studied with a professor throughout the semester, the other saw him for 10 seconds — in a video without sound. The opinion of the students who studied with the teacher coincided with the first impression of the subjects who watched the video. This once again proves that we are what we look like. Or at least what we are wearing.
Not only a person can be cute or even beautiful, but also a company website or a beauty salon. This is certainly an argument in their favor, but it should only be decisive if the appearance is the only thing you need to make a decision.
2. Deficit principle
If it is difficult or impossible to get what we want, it only increases its value for us. A Hermès bag can cost several thousand pounds and is only delivered two years after ordering. And this is not at all because the Hermès production facilities do not allow producing the required number of bags.
Remember, if you grab the first offer you see, you may miss out on the best one.
Another example: at one time they tried to accustom the population of Europe to potatoes. Only when the peasants were told that the potatoes were the property of the state, and the fields were fenced and taken under guard, they began to immediately steal, eat and grow potatoes.
We use the scarcity technique on a daily basis on the Internet. The hotel booking site insistently warns that there are only a few rooms left, the counter counts down the time until the end of the promotion.
The principle of scarcity drives us into a state of slight panic: we must take it, otherwise I won’t have time! — and pushes for impulsive purchases. To avoid this, remember that by grabbing the first offer that comes across, you may miss out on the best option.
3. Prior consent
As a rule, we try to be consistent: if we announced something publicly, then it will be very difficult to behave contrary to what was said, even after some time.
Therefore, we are usually asked to take a small step forward and agree with something insignificant, after which they move on to the main request. Just by asking for money for environmental protection, there is a great risk of being rejected. But what if you first ask: «Do you care about the state of the environment?» It will be difficult for a person who answered “yes” to refuse a donation.
By picking up things or leaving personal mail, you do not seem to assume any obligations, but in the future this can be used to put pressure on you. Once in a similar situation, remember: even after giving prior consent, you always have the right to refuse.
4. The ability to choose the «lesser evil»
It turns out that the initial refusal can become an incentive for further agreement. This is how the “lesser evil” principle works. First we are offered to buy something expensive, and when we refuse, they make a more moderate offer.
Imagine the situation: you are offered to purchase expensive equipment. You refuse. Seller: “Can you at least take batteries for the remote control? After all, they are always in short supply … ”The likelihood that, having refused the first time, you will agree to the second, is quite large. You feel that you have yielded, without becoming insistent and convincing. You feel the need to give back by buying something in return.
5. Emphasis on similarity
We like people who are similar to us, as well as those who share our interests and views. Unconsciously, we tend to trust people in our circle. Strangers, on the other hand, we refer to this circle according to the most accessible parameter for evaluation — clothing.
Fraudsters have been using this for a long time. You may have come across a situation where a well-dressed person or a married couple asks for money on the street, citing extraordinary circumstances. Their chances of getting money “for travel” are much higher than those of a real homeless person.
It brings together not only the appearance, but also the presence of cars of the same brand or participation in the same social network community. But no matter how similar the seller is to you, remember: you will have to live not with him, but with the thing that you buy from him.
We trust what powerful people say. In this case, often the expert becomes the one who has the necessary attributes for this.
As part of the experiment, the same actor was introduced to three different groups of people as a «student», «laboratory assistant» and «professor» from Oxford. The participants were then asked to rate his height. The “professor” seemed to the subjects 12 centimeters taller than the “student”. If expert status deceives our eyesight, it deceives our thinking.
Be sure to check the real status of the expert, especially if it concerns an issue that is important to you.
We like it when our actions are approved, and preferences are shared by others. That is why we would rather look into a crowded restaurant than an empty one.
To get the desired effect, it is enough to demonstrate that the point of view is popular in society. That is why on most sites you can find the section «Our grateful customers.»
Social approval can even induce illegal actions. The well-known American psychologist Robert Cialdini once suggested installing a prohibitory inscription in the park: “Many visitors take pieces of petrified trees with them as a keepsake, destroying nature …”. And the number of thefts has almost quadrupled! Trying to indicate the wrongness of theft, this inscription rather «legitimized» it, because, as it turned out, «everyone does it.»
Often what we consider the opinion of the majority is simply the fear of expressing our opinion and becoming the first
Another example of the use of this technique is off-screen laughter in TV shows. Despite the fact that almost everyone is annoyed by it, according to the results of numerous studies, this laughter is needed: it actually makes jokes seem more funny.
It is important to understand that often what we consider the opinion of the majority is simply the fear of expressing our opinion and becoming the first. Are you familiar with the situation when no one dares to object at a meeting, and only when the most courageous person expresses the opposite point of view, the rest begin to support him? Remember your craving for social approval and do not go against yourself and your desires.
8. Playing with gratitude
Agree, when you receive even a small gift, you most likely want to thank the giver — and it doesn’t matter at all whether you have warm feelings for him and whether you need a gift as such.
The whole industry of promotions, factory tours and tastings is built on this: having received a gift, a person begins to think (albeit without realizing it) that he should buy something in return.
If you feel that, due to your nature, even a small souvenir will force you to reciprocate and disproportionate gratitude in the form of buying something unnecessary, do not take it.
9. Using Arguments
Social psychologist and mindfulness author Helen Langer conducted an experiment with library patrons queuing for a copy machine. 94% of the subjects agreed to skip ahead after hearing: “I have five pages. Could you let me through because I’m in a hurry?»
Interestingly, the reason for the consent was not a small amount of copies. To the request «I have five pages — could you skip me?» responded only 60% of the subjects. It’s all about the presence of the phrase «because».
In fact, we do not care what the reasons are: the brain only cares about the fact that we have learned about their presence. If the request is not burdensome, then, having heard “because”, we do not waste time analyzing the content of the argument, but are immediately ready to make concessions.
Be careful: are the arguments put forward really weighty, or are they just empty shells in disguise?
10. Compliments
Studies show that giving a compliment at the right time increases the chances of a purchase. In a situation of choice, we often experience uncertainty: what is better to take — this or that? Throwing may end with the fact that we just leave the store. But if at this very moment the consultant praises our choice and sense of style, focusing our attention on one thing, then most likely we will walk away with the purchase.
We are driven by the desire for compliments. If you come to work with a new haircut, you will most likely remember everyone who complimented your hairstyle. Even those who limited themselves to the phrase: “Oh, great haircut.”
In the case of a compliment, it is best to understand the purpose for which it was given, and then just continue to enjoy it.
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Fortunately, we are most often protected from the above tricks by the fact that most people and companies use them with errors that reduce our desire to make concessions. Manipulation based on social norms is very cheap to use, but learning how to apply them correctly is difficult.
Now that you are familiar with the main manipulative traps, it remains only to learn how to notice and avoid them in time.