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10 signs you are a toxic mom
Toxic parents are those who poison the lives of their own children day by day. How can it be? It turns out that it can.
Sometimes parents become enemies to their children without even knowing it. Phrases that seem to you to be ordinary, neutral, or even friendly, the child perceives as a declaration of war. Now he has to force himself to love you. You just don’t notice that you are causing emotional damage and self-esteem for your son or daughter on a daily basis. And now you are perceived with hostility. Why is this happening? We understand the reasons.
Children love to compose stories and tell them to their parents. They can repeat their stories an infinite number of times. Even if you realize that you have already heard the story, listen to the child again. This is very important for him. You may have many important things to do, but your children should always come first. They shouldn’t doubt that you love them. It seems to you that the manifestation of care in the form of buying expensive things and toys is quite enough. But radio-controlled cars and fancy gadgets are not capable of making a child truly happy. He wants to communicate with you, and not with soulless objects.
“Ten to fifteen minutes of lively, warm communication a day – and the child will no longer have the feeling that no one needs him,” says psychologist, forensic psychiatrist Mikhail Vinogradov.
The same applies to education fees. Yes, you allocate money for studies, but this has nothing to do with love. Create a pleasant atmosphere for your little one. Let, when the child grows up, he will have pleasant memories of how you helped him to glue applications, played hide and seek with him and read fairy tales together.
If you punish your child for bad marks and think that he should only do well, then chances are that you are a “toxic parent”. You compare him to other children and set them up as an example. Remember, love is not for something, but just like that. You force the child to meet expectations, and when he does not meet them, then you scold him for it. He feels unworthy of your love. At the same time, as the child grows up, your requirements take on a new form. You reproach your daughter for the fact that she is still not married, and the son has not yet acquired his own home. Stop splashing negative emotions on them, this will definitely not bring you to good, and you can easily ruin your relationship with them.
Talking about your problems
The life of any person is full of difficulties and injustice. Sometimes I really want someone to listen to us. You should not share with your child your worries that you were fired from your job, your grandmother is in the hospital, and there is very little money left. The child does not yet have life experience, and he does not know how he can help you. Perhaps he will begin to think about where to find a part-time job and make your life easier. It is unknown where this will lead. You don’t want your child to get into bad company. For a son or daughter, you must be a support and protection. They want you to always be there and support them in everything. It shouldn’t be the other way around. You are the parent, you take care of the child, not he about you.
Invasion of personal space
Your kids feel like they are on a reality show. Any action of your daughter or son is not left without your attention. You constantly take things without asking, check your phone, eavesdrop on conversations, and burst into the room without asking. This behavior is, to put it mildly, annoying. Plus your child suffers from it. Personal life is also threatened in the form of you. You give advice on any occasion and insist that the child does everything as you say. Psychologists believe that from childhood a person should have his own space, which cannot be entered without demand. Otherwise, he will think that it is possible to violate the boundaries when communicating with people, or, conversely, will withdraw into himself. Respect the thoughts and feelings of the child and build a trusting relationship with him, then he will reciprocate you.
Blame the kids for your failures
You think that the birth of a child prevented you from realizing yourself, making a dizzying career, depriving you of a beautiful figure, and so on. For this you are angry with your son or daughter. It’s like you don’t expect anything good from your child. You take all his mistakes and mistakes for granted, and success with sincere surprise. Whatever children do, it is never enough to meet your expectations. In the meantime, you are upset that you have traded your dreams for this hopeless child. Of course, you can think so, no one forbids you, but do not try to tell the children about it. They might as well say that no one asked you to give birth to them. It was your decision. You are an adult and are responsible for your actions.
Ignore your child in times of conflict
You are used to expressing your dissatisfaction, but at the same time, you stop any attempts to find out the cause of your disappointment. Even if a son or daughter asks for forgiveness (although they themselves do not know why), you will still remain adamant. And then all of a sudden – an hour, three days, or a month later – you will start talking as if there was no period when you ignored your children. Silence is not the best way to solve problems. If something does not suit you, then it is better to just discuss it with your child.
You should not turn your child into an object for ridicule. You can say that a child has big ears and jokingly call him Cheburashka. This may seem pretty sweet to you, but he is unlikely to be flattered by such a comparison. Children are very sensitive to the opinions of others. If you also said this in front of strangers, then hang on! Perhaps you did not mean anything bad, but now your classmates are teasing your boy with an eared one. After such increased attention, your affectionate baby can turn into a real bundle of nerves.
Don’t let your child grow up
You are so accustomed to the fact that your daughter or son is always with you that parting with them, though not for a long period, is like death for you. You do everything so that your chick does not fly out of the nest. You intimidate with everyday difficulties, tell stories about how, as a child, a boy was afraid of the dark, and a girl was afraid of a babayka. If anyone is afraid, it is you. It is natural for a mother to be afraid to let her child go far away from her. But at least give the kids a chance to try to live an independent life.
Mixing money into relationships
You think that if the child has already turned eighteen, then he is obliged to support you. You spent so much money on his education and upbringing, let him now pay back the same. Gratitude, this is, of course, good, but it should come from a pure heart, and not on your orders. You should not give children small sums of money, and then demand to return them with interest. It turns out already some kind of market trade, and not the relationship of a mother with a son or daughter.
Your actions are so unpredictable that the child prefers to stay away from you. Just now you were kind and sweet, and now you shout at him for no reason. It is useless to argue with you, you do not hear anyone but yourself, and then you will also reproach your son or daughter for “disrespecting your elders.” Every word you say is wrong, you will remember repeatedly. Parents’ mood swings are reflected in the psyche of children. If you do not want your child to grow up as a notorious person, then urgently change your tactics of behavior.