There are people among us who suffer from depression – sometimes quite severe – but we don’t even realize it. This is because they skillfully hide their condition – sometimes consciously, sometimes not. How to calculate them and what to do next?
1. Perfectionism combined with a harsh inner critic
We were taught from childhood: “if you do something, do it well,” and many still believe in this. Problems begin when we begin to cruelly reproach and scold ourselves, being not up to par. If some area or goal is important for a person with latent depression, he tries to achieve maximum results in it – to be an ideal mother, an impeccable professional, or the best friend in the world. If it doesn’t work out, he will simply “eat himself alive.”
2. Excessive sense of responsibility
Duty, obligations, the words “should” and “responsibility” … People with disguised depression can always be counted on. They will be the first to notice that something is going wrong and start looking for a solution to the problem. Often they are excellent leaders, but they have obvious problems with delegation. And, of course, if something does not go according to plan, they only blame themselves for the failure.
3. Difficulty accepting and expressing painful emotions
Such a person may smile embarrassedly when talking about a bereavement or painful disappointment, most likely because they forbid themselves from sadness, suppress fear, or believe that “disappointment is for whiners.”
It can be difficult for such people to recognize and name their feelings, let alone express them.
4. Need to control yourself and your environment
It is usually extremely difficult for a person with latent depression to stay in the here and now. He may like yoga – but not the final part of the practice, when you need to relax. He loves to cook – but then does not sit at the set table with his household, enjoying the fruits of his labors. He worries that something might go wrong, but carefully hides his anxiety – it seems that everything comes to him easily, without effort. But behind a careless smile, most likely, deep feelings are hidden.
5. Excessive focus on tasks, a sense of self-worth, tied to achievements
People with well-disguised depression believe they are judged by their success. They hide fear and self-doubt behind their achievements. To some extent, we are all prone to this, which is why we are so pleased with a promotion at work, a letter of gratitude or compliments. It’s nice when our efforts are appreciated. The main thing is that our self-esteem is not completely tied to this, so that we separate ourselves from our accomplishments. Our heroes have serious problems with this.
6. Active concern for others and at the same time – the inability to let anyone into your inner world
This care is absolutely genuine – they really care about others and know how to take good care of them, but at the same time they do not show others their vulnerability, they do not talk about the pain they experienced in the past.
They are protected from the world by a wall, which is very difficult to break through.
7. Downplaying the pain or abuse experienced, now or in the past
Continuing the theme of the wall, people with covert depression have chests of painful memories and difficult feelings that are tightly locked behind it. Their owners prefer not to remember them and completely deny their influence on their present. If you bring them to a conversation about the events of the past, they will most likely just brush it off: “Yes, there was nothing like that. It’s OK. It doesn’t happen to others.”
8. Other disorders
As mentioned earlier, such people often have increased anxiety, but that’s not all: they may have obsessive-compulsive traits or eating disorders, as well as various kinds of addictions.
9. Firm belief that whatever is done is for the best.
It would seem that gratitude and optimism – what could be wrong with that? The problem is that a person with latent depression does not know how to empathize with himself, treat himself with compassion, recognize that not everything in his life is developing as he would like.
10. Difficulties in intimate relationships
In order to build truly deep relationships with others, you need to be able to open up and show your vulnerability. And for people with disguised depression, as we have said, this is not easy. Often they are looking for the same closed partners for themselves, and their relationship is based on what they do for each other, and not who they are for each other.
Did you recognize yourself in the above? The first thing to understand is that there is nothing to worry about! We are all people, and it happens to everyone to experience hard times, even if there is no significant reason for internal torment. The main thing is not to hide your condition and seek help in time.
If it seemed to you that someone close to you had hidden depression, you can share this text with them, but do it as gently and unobtrusively as possible. Your task is to show them that you love them and accept them for who they are. Perhaps this will be the starting point for them on the road to recovery.