Contents
- 1. Strong fear of separation
- 2. Unwillingness to make decisions
- 3. The need to shift responsibility for your life to others
- 4. Fear of confrontation
- 5. The habit of doing things you don’t really want to do.
- 6. Belief in one’s own failure
- 7. False passivity and helplessness
- 8. Heightened sensitivity to criticism
- 9. Tolerance for violence
- 10. Failure to respect your needs
Natalie could not understand why her sister did not divorce her husband. She watched for years how she tolerates his betrayals, unbearable character, desire to control every step, even cruelty. The sister constantly complained about her husband, but did not divorce him. When Natalie realized that the cause was dependent personality disorder, it became easier for her to communicate with her sister.
The word “dependent” accurately captures the essence of the disorder. People with dependent personality disorder (PDD) need others to support and satiate their emotional needs. Most often, they choose one person, such as a spouse, and rely on him in all areas of life.
What are the signs of Dependent Personality Disorder?
1. Strong fear of separation
This is not the same as the fear of being abandoned. When they leave us, we feel rejected. When we are afraid of separation, we do not perceive ourselves as a complete person without another person.
2. Unwillingness to make decisions
From childhood, sister Natalie was afraid to decide something. She needed a million advice from Natalie in any situation, until a husband appeared in her life. Even after some decision was made, she repeatedly asked if she did the right thing.
3. The need to shift responsibility for your life to others
This can be about anything: finances, the decision to get married or divorced, the principles of raising children, and so on. People with ADHD are usually happy to give it all to someone else. For a man who wants to control everything, such a wife becomes an ideal choice, because he does not tolerate attacks on his authority in the house. But this is not a healthy “coincidence” of two people, it is dysfunctional.
4. Fear of confrontation
Sister Natalie hated conflict situations and preferred never to argue with her husband and even with Natalie herself, she was afraid of losing their sympathy and approval. Because of this, she constantly endured what she did not like at all.
5. The habit of doing things you don’t really want to do.
One day, after going to the church where her sister worked as a volunteer, Natalie noticed that she was very upset. Natalie asked if she liked helping out during a church service. The sister admitted that she never wanted and does not want to do this, but one of the ministers pressed on the feeling of guilt, saying that there was no one else, and they could not cope without her.
6. Belief in one’s own failure
People with ADHD sincerely believe that they cannot take care of themselves, so they definitely need someone else to take responsibility for them. Usually they cannot be alone for a long time, without some kind of relationship. If there is a break, they fill this void with friends and relatives until a new partner appears.
7. False passivity and helplessness
One of the contradictions in Sister Natalie’s case was that she was a very successful and confident woman at work. At home, she became passive and unable to make decisions. Natalie knew that, in fact, her sister was more than capable of doing serious things and being responsible for them.
8. Heightened sensitivity to criticism
Sister Natalie was comfortable with constructive criticism at work, but the slightest disapproval from loved ones became a disaster for her. Any reproach from her husband was unsettling. When her husband temporarily disappeared from life, this attitude was transferred to Natalie – her sister could not bear even a hint of disapproval of some actions.
9. Tolerance for violence
One of the main characteristics of such people is the ability to ignore violence against them, not to attach importance to it, to justify the abuser in all possible ways. Even if the violence is obvious, it is difficult for them to resist it. This attitude makes them a target for controlling people.
10. Failure to respect your needs
People with this disorder consider the needs of others more important. Especially when it comes to the person they “rely” on. They gladly satisfy other people’s desires, because they consider this a manifestation of love. Unfortunately, this feature is often used for selfish purposes, putting people with ADHD in an unpleasant or even dangerous position.
After some time, my sister still found the strength to get a divorce, and her family supported her. In less than a few months, she found herself in a new relationship.
Source: growwithchristine.com