10 rules for communicating with aging parents: oh, I would have known 20 years earlier …

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It is difficult for you to communicate with old people, you are interested? Does it happen that in a conversation with them you get angry and annoyed? Why is this happening? Perhaps because they constantly criticize, give advice and interfere in your life? And what to do with it?

The answer to this question is known by the artist Alexander Galitsky, in the past he was an art director in a large company. Now Alexander works in a nursing home, where he leads a wood carving circle. Most of his students are over 80.

In the book «Mom, do not cry! How to learn to communicate with elderly parents and at the same time not go crazy yourself ”Alexander Galitsky explains to young people how to properly communicate with people of advanced age.

Here are the basic rules for communicating with the elderly, which he deduced over many years of working with them.

1) In no case do not argue with older people, do not try to convince them of something

It is impossible to do this. If you continue to argue, you will only spoil the relationship. You can’t fix them, you have to put up with it. Try to change yourself first. Change your attitude towards what is happening.

When you are inside the situation, you see only one side of the coin: how capricious, harmful your old people are, how much inconvenience they cause … Try to put yourself in their place — and you will see that they feel very bad.

“These are their last years. They are afraid of illness, their own weakness, boredom, their own uselessness and uselessness, death, in the end. So much work is worth getting up in the morning, doing the usual things that earlier, in their youth, they were given easily and simply.

And the realization that it won’t get better is especially depressing, it will only get worse.”

2) Take matters into your own hands

Do you have elderly parents and they annoy you? Of course, it is not easy to come to terms with what they have become. After all, you remember them completely different! So it’s time to take control into your own hands. How to do it?

Imperceptibly change the vector of relationships: stop communicating with your parents with a breath, stop making excuses, explaining, playing the role of a child. This is a long and complicated process. Be patient and use your sense of humor.

“A laughing old man is not dangerous. With the help of a joke — any, not even the most successful one — you can defuse almost any dangerous situation that arises in communicating with an elderly person.

Take the reins of government into your own hands gradually, without pressure. To the questions of parents “What did you do?”, “Where were you?” cannot be answered. Instead of answering, joke or ask counter questions. It’s confusing.

Don’t get into conflict with old people — it’s useless. Even when it comes to human safety and health, do not make your claims, look for a different approach.

3) Do not remind old people about sore

Old people really appreciate everything that one way or another can distract them from unpleasant physical sensations, bad thoughts and experiences.

Therefore, if you want to please your elderly parents, do not give them a pressure cooker, coffee maker, washing machine, etc. Do you think that such a practical gift will certainly bring them joy? Will not deliver.

If you really want to please older parents, give them your time. But only, of course, not some empty, boring and overwhelming. Choose a quality, bright, unusual time for a gift.

Also, the more time you spend with your parents, the longer they will live. You can read about such an interesting fact at this link.

4) Accept old people for who they are.

There is only one way to improve relationships with elderly parents. Understand and accept one simple fact: from now on, your relationship will only be so — complex and contradictory.

Give old people the opportunity to be who they are. Respect their children’s choice. Make stupid requests. Don’t take their ideas seriously.

5) Put yourself in their shoes

We all get old sooner or later. Someone already at a young age feels like an old man. Elderly relatives got closest to the final stop. You will get there too — it’s just a matter of time.

Therefore, try to consider yourself in elderly parents. After all, you, too, someday find yourself in their role. Thinking about it is scary, but over time, this thought brings relief.

Remember: communication with old people is, in a sense, communication with oneself, compassion and love for them is love for oneself in old age.

6) Farewell

Start every day with a clean slate. Do not drag yesterday’s grievances into today. Remember: your parents are the people closest to you. «Okay, let’s go» — that’s the motto you need to adopt.

Don’t carry the negativity any further. Forget troubles. Don’t argue with old people. Greet the new day — and your old people — with a smile.

7) Don’t blame yourself

“I missed something” is the thought that comes to the mind of many middle-aged people when they reflect on their relationship with their parents.

“But we are not to blame. Time is to blame, — says Alexander Galitsky. – The reverse process of aging is always depressing.

Remember the joke? The pessimist says that it can’t get worse, the optimist says that you certainly can! This is what is happening before our eyes.”

But we are not to blame for the aging of our loved ones.

8) Don’t expect social pleasure

Communication with an elderly person is a matter that requires experience and knowledge. It is especially difficult to talk face-to-face with an old man. Before the conversation, tune in to the fact that it will not be easy. Do not expect pleasure from such a conversation — then you will not be disappointed.

“When I come to class with my students, I know that my fatigue does not depend on time. I can get tired with one of them in 10 seconds. But I’m ready for it. I understand why I get irritated, what makes me angry.

Remember — old people seem worthless creatures to themselves. And interest in them from our side is a gift for them!” writes Galitsky.

9) Show genuine interest in old people

“Once one of my students, she is also over 90, a very pessimistic woman, did not come to class. I called her to find out what happened. She was amazed: “Are you calling me?! I’ll be right back.» She was surprised that someone needed her, that they remember her, ”says Alexander Galitsky.

Older people find it hard to believe that someone needs them. It is difficult for them to look at themselves in the mirror, they do not like themselves. Your interest in them will help your relationship.

10) Study the specifications of your old man

According to Alexander, we get irritated in the presence of old people because we do not understand one simple fact: the person next to us is different. He sees poorly, hears poorly, walks poorly, not to mention what is inside. He only looks like us. But time flows differently.

“Understand: old people are people who live in a different coordinate system,” says Alexander.